


90 Days

by INFTINSPIRIT97



Category: Day6 (Band), K-pop
Genre: Angst, Cupid AU, Everyone shows up eventually, Fluff, Jae has wings, Jaebri, Jaehyungparkian, M/M, Romance, True Love, You Have Been Warned, cupid!Jae, cupid!dowoon, cupid!jinyoung, ex-cupid!Wonpil, human!brian, human!sungjin, i still can't tag, the angst went out of hand, youre going to cry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:27:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 76,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24231325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/INFTINSPIRIT97/pseuds/INFTINSPIRIT97
Summary: Cupid J159 (accidentally?) turns into a human. Now, as Park Jaehyung, he is given 90 days to find Brian's true love so that he can go back to being a cupid.(The cupid AU no one asked for, but got anyways. )(English is not my first language, so if you notice any spelling or grammatical mistakes, please ignore them. THANK YOU!!)
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Park Sungjin, Kang Younghyun | Young K/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Kim Wonpil/Yoon Dowoon
Comments: 168
Kudos: 228





	1. Prologue: D-91

**D-90**

“Starting today, you will be living as a human, and your name will be Park Jaehyung.” 

The sound of the gavel hitting the hardwood is the last thing he hears before the whiteness around him swallows him. One moment he’s falling into a limitless void, and the second he jolts awake in a hospital bed. He still has a needle buried in his skin, injecting some liquid in his body, drop by drop. He tries to sit up, but as soon as he tries to lift his upper body a piercing pain goes through his head. 

_‘Fuck!’_ He innerly swears, _‘Does this mean that what the old man said is true??’_

With his panicking thoughts getting wilder and wilder, and reality slapping him right in the face, he lets out a devastated cry, “How can this happen to me!!” He yowls, covering his face with his hands, “What am I going to do now??” 

In the midst of his mental breakdown, the door opens and someone enters. He doesn’t realize he’s no longer alone until he hears the familiar voice.

“Are you okay?” 

He peeks through his fingers to see the newcomer. It’s _him_.

With his index pointed accusingly in the face of the guy, he yells, “It’s all your fault!” 

This dude is the reason why our protagonist is laying in a hospital bed, why he had to face trial. He’s the reason why Cupid J159 is now Park Jaehyung. 

But you can be the better judge, so let’s go a little bit back in time. 

**D-91**

Flying at dawn is exceptionally enjoyable for Cupid J159. 

The dark night sky recedes as the first rays of sun creeps up the horizon, and a thick layer of fog descends over the still city. With only the tops of skyscrapers in sight, it practically feels like flying above the clouds. And then, slowly, the fog disperses as the sun rises higher, and the city is alive. It’s time for work again, for both humans and cupids.

Cupid J159 scans the city with his eyes, then with a smirk, decides where he needs to be for now. Gracefully, he lands on the rooftop of a bakery, his wings slowly folding back against his back. He sits on the edge, legs dangling.

“Okay, let’s see what we have here today,” he singsongs, analyzing the overall atmosphere. 

The street is crowded for such an early hour, humans are rushing to get their fuel to start the day. The cupid society, AKA Cupid J159 and his curious friends, would give anything to know what’s so special about that muddy, dark drink humans can’t function without. He watches them enter coffee shops with dark auras dancing around them, but then, as soon as they sip out of that magical cup, poof, the dark cloud dissipates and is replaced with a calmer, clearer aura. 

He gets his bow and arrow ready, in case he sees something interesting. Two people bump against each other. _Shoot._ A guy holds the door for a woman. _Shoot._ A group of colleagues heading to work together. _Shoot. Shoot._ A love triangle. Someone waiting for the light to turn green, watching a student cross the road. _Shoot._

Sometimes it’s unavoidable, sometimes it’s cliché, sometimes it’s random, sometimes it’s just for fun. He does it for all kind of reasons, not giving two shits about the consequences. If he feels like igniting that love sparkle in someone, he does just that. The aftermath is for humans to take care of. His job is to keep emotions in that mortal world, no strings attached. Well, at least for him. 

Cupid J159 quickly gets bored and flies to another street, and another, and another. Sometimes he gets into buildings, schools and companies and the likes, or houses, it doesn’t really matter. He’s got the ability to walk through doors and walls for a reason, and he uses it very well. Eventually, when he thinks he’s done enough good and caused enough trouble, he goes to his favorite street. 

“And I was wondering how come you’re not here yet!” His coworker, Cupid 100, exclaims as soon as he lands besides her in the middle of the busy intersection. 

“Is he here yet?” He asks, looking into a certain direction. 

“No, not yet.” 

Cupid J159 gives her a suspicious look, “Why are you here anyways?”

Cupid 100 sighs heavily. She raises the arrow in her hand to show it to him. 

“I stupidly thought it would be a good idea to grace someone with a chance at true love in this lovely morning,” her sarcasm does not hide her burdened expression.

The arrow in Cupid 100’s hand is of shining metal, the feather of the fetching is white, with a few lines of glimmering soft pink, just like her wings. 

All cupids possesses an infinite amount of identical, standard arrows. They are either made of silver or pure gold. Despite their fine materials, these arrows are ordinary, just like the kind of love they ignite. Their initial sparkle doesn’t last long, and it’s up to humans to act on it or not. If they choose to ignore it, it will eventually fade away. Otherwise, it will evolve into something deeper, something more irreversible. 

However, the most powerful arrows are very limited in number, and they’re forged by cupids themselves, using hard steel and their own wings’ feathers. These arrows pierce right through the heart and feed on already existing feelings. The deeper the love gets, the more the steel melts inside the heart. Humans cannot feel it in a physical way, but the pain these arrows leave behind is unbearable, and it never really heals. 

Because of its intensity, a human should not be shot more than twice with a steel arrow during a lifetime. Some humans end up heartbroken in both times, while others never get the chance to experience true love at all. Cupids should never shoot these arrows randomly, whatsoever. They have to wait for the perfect moment to present itself to do so. Cupid J159 knows the responsibility that comes with these arrows, so he barely use them. 

“Did you have someone in mind?” He questions.

“Actually, yeah,” there’s disappointment in her tone, “but now I regret my decision.” 

“Why is that?” 

She doesn’t answer right away, hesitantly looking away. It gives Cupid J159 the wrong idea.

“Don’t tell me-” he suddenly feels betrayed, “I thought we had an agreement!” 

Cupid 100 panics at the accusation, “It’s not what it looks like!” She puts a hand over her heart, “I swear on our friendship I’ve never thought about shooting him, and I’ll never do so.”

He scoffs, “What’s with the promise? It’s not that I don’t want you to shoot him, I just want to approve of the person you choose for him beforehand, that’s all.” 

Cupid 100 rolls her eyes, “Yeah, sure.” 

Her expression goes back to being sad and bitter, “The guy I wanted to shoot just found his girlfriend cheating on him,” she explains, “I’d be ruining his life if I do it now.”

“Then find someone else.”

She raises both her arms in exasperation, “Look around you! Everyone’s fucking depressed!” 

He can actually feel it. The overall aura surrounding them is dark and gloomy, as if no love exists in this part of the city. It would be hard to find two compatible souls nearby. 

“Who am I supposed to shoot in such place?” 

If it was any regular arrow, Cupid J159 would’ve simply replied by _‘anyone’_ , but this one was special. It’s like giving a part of yourself. It’s never easy. 

“I’m sure you’ll find someone who deserves it,” he pats her on the head softly.

“I’m going up now, good luck.” 

He flies to a nearby building to get a better view. The building is very old, and is currently being demolished, thus the loud noise around him. But it got the best view in the whole street, so he always come here at this time of the day.

There’s nothing particular about this street. It’s very uneventful, with only people rushing on the pavement or few cars driving by. It holds a series of medium buildings that are mostly offices. Nothing exciting if you ask him. What brings him back here on daily basis, whatsoever, is a certain human. That human is named _Kang Brian._

There’s nothing particular about this human as well. He too starts his day by drinking coffee, just before going to his office work. He gets happy when something good happens, and sad when something bad happens. He gets satisfied when things go the way he wanted them, and angry when they don’t. He’s as moody as any ordinary human, and his aura changes accordingly. An ordinary guy living an ordinary life, totally oblivious to the cupid stalking him (or watching him, as Cupid J159 prefers to call it).

Actually, it’s in his job requirement, to watch over humans and choose what’s better for them. Still, his excessive attention towards Brian was very suspicious. His coworkers learned to leave the topic alone after several curious discussions that lead to nowhere. They decided that it’s not worth the hustle of advising him if he’s going to ignore them anyways. Cupid J159 should know what he’s getting himself into. Or they hope he does, at least.

At the exact usual time, Kang Brian rounds the corner, a hand holding a cup of coffee and the other his briefcase. The air swimming around him is of light blue, a sign of his usual calmness. He’s wearing his usual plain outfit; a white button up and black pants. His hair is naturally black, and cut short in a neat hairstyle. Despite his painfully generic style, he strides down the street like a model on a runway (Cupid J159 has seen a lot of those shows to be able to use such a metaphor). He is always confident and charismatic. A true charmer. And Cupid J159 truly admires him for those traits. 

It’s not that Cupid J159 is not confident. He flies for God’s sake! But it’s hard not to be when you’re invisible to humans. Although he sees them as powerless mortals, he still find them intimidating (and stupid). So, he simple can’t imagine himself doing anything embarrassing in front of them if they could actually see him. Maybe it goes back for the fact that they are more judgmental than cupids, or maybe he knows that they won’t be able to handle his level of weirdness. (It’s the second possibility, it’s just too early for him to realize it.)

Cupid J159 waits until Brian enters a building, before he flies inside an office in the third floor. A minute later, the door opens, and Brian comes in. As the clueless human sits on his desk and starts his work, Cupid J159 settles on the small files cabinet and starts talking. He speaks about his early morning hours, the humans he’s shot since he’s last seen Brian, and so on. He speaks about all the questionable things he saw humans do -as if he didn’t see enough-, and occasionally asks some questions. He talks and talks, knowing very well that the human can’t hear him, and won’t respond. 

“I mean why would she take a picture of herself looking like a dog? What’s so entertaining about having dogs’ ears and tongue? Is it attractive for you?” He leans against the desk, leaving just a few centimeters between his face and Brian’s. The latter is just focused on his computer screen, a serious look on his face. Cupid J159 leans back with a sigh and continues his rant.

After he finishes his morning briefing, Cupid J159 leaves to resume his work somewhere near. This time he renews the flame between a divorced couple, gives a patient a small crush on her doctor, and starts a tragic love story between a married woman and her secretary. He enjoys making chaos just like that. Careless cupids like him are the reason why humans got an abundant amount of romantic movies and dramas. 

In the late afternoon, he follows Brian to his apartment, while talking through the whole way. He passes by few cupids on his way, but no matter how crazy he seems to look, talking and walking with a human, they just greet him from afar. For those who know him, this is only a normal occurrence. 

Brian’s routine consisted of going back home, washing up, and then having dinner by himself. Afterwards, he stays at home finishing some work, or sketching something while watching a movie, till sleep takes over him. Cupid J159 usually stays for dinner then goes on a night stroll. 

“Is it delicious?” Cupid J159 asks as Brian hums satisfyingly after taking a big bite of his burger takeout. Brian is one of those people who makes him really curious about what food tastes like. He tosses a few fries in his mouth and hums again. 

“It must be delicious,” Cupid J159 pouts, slumping agains the table. Even though he lives alone and rarely gets visitors, Brian had the courtesy to get two chairs for his kitchen, making it seem like he’s sharing a meal with Cupid J159 every time. However, the guy spends his meals either scrolling on his phone or watching something on tv, always oblivious to the cupid’s presence. 

Today’s a Friday, so Cupid J159 doesn’t leave after Brian finishes eating. Instead, he waits for him to get ready to go out. It’s the only night of the whole week that Brian spends outside, in a low-key bar nearby. He only goes there to get a few drinks, chats with the bartenders and some other regulars, and when he’s slightly tipsy, he goes back home. 

“Our bar’s heartbreaker is here!” The bartender announces as soon as Brian sits on a stool, while Cupid J159 sits on the one next to him. Brian smiles in amusement, “Happy to see you too, Sungjin.”

“You’re so punctual, as always,” the bartender places Brian’s usual order in front of him, “And alone too,” he adds with a teasing smirk.

Brian’s smile flatters slightly, “Isn’t it better this way?” He then downs his drink in one shot, letting it wash the bitterness off his words with it. 

Cupid J159 watches his actions attentively, and can’t help but feel bad for this human. Brian is always alone, wherever at home, at work, or outside. He’s kind, for sure, but he’s not close to any of his acquaintances. He’s attractive as well, getting a lot of offers for dates and the likes, and even those, he rejects so coldly. That’s why Cupid J159 feels responsible for finding the right person to fill that gap in Brian’s life, and wants to take his time to do so not to make any mistake. He wouldn’t want to be the reason behind a huge heartbreak or a toxic relationship for the guy. 

_Oh the irony!_

Brian spends the rest of the night drinking, while exchanging some words with the bartender. The cupid gets bored quickly, so he takes his chance to recklessly shoot some arrows around. By the times he decides to leave, the human is a little bit more drunk than usual, he even staggers while walking. Cupid J159 walks by his side, and tries to use his powers to clear the way for him. He’s not supposed to, but he does so anyways. 

After he’s made sure that Brian has reached his apartment and fine, he flies away to the busiest street he could find. As usual, all clubs and pubs are packed with humans, and the air is filled with all kind of emotions, colors floating around and merging together. Time for him to set a fire in this place. Weekends are so busy for cupids, as they consume a week’s worth of arrows. If they can actually get tired, then these nights will sure exhaust them.

Tonight, Cupid J159 couldn’t focus much on his work, so he retreats earlier than he usually does. He flies through the closed window, and softly lands inside of Brian’s bedroom. Despite being in deep sleep, the air around the human is sombre and stuffy. The cupid sighs when he notices the frown on Brian’s face. He must be having a bad dream again. 

The cupid puts his hand on top of Brian’s head, and caresses his hair, “I’m here, I’m here,” he whispers over and over again. 

Touching humans is forbidden, even though both humans and cupids are unable to feel it. Weird enough, whenever Brian is having a perturbed sleep, Cupid J159’s touch is the only thing that calms him down.

The creases on Brian’s forehead and between his brows slowly disappear and his eyes flutter open. The cupid’s motion stills in place. Despite being blurred with sleep, Brian’s gaze fixes on him, and a small smile forms on his lips, before his eyes close again. Cupid J159 is sure no human can see him, but something about what just happened feels terribly off. Even the aura surrounding Brian has turned to a foggy white, bright but still suffocating. 

This doesn’t sit well with Cupid J159, and stays at the back of his head even after he leaves. That’s why after flying for a while at dawn, he ditches his morning tour and flies back to the human’s apartment. 

He keeps watching Brian as he gets ready to start his day with great attention, in search of anything out of the ordinary. His aura doesn’t seem to be changing at all, which is really concerning. It’s not even the usual blue. And while white is always considered as a good color, representing clearness of the mind and lightness of the soul, Brian’s white is more ominous than any black the cupid has ever seen. 

There’s barely any change in Brian’s behavior though. He follows his routine without fault, his expression as neutral as ever. Everything seems fine, so why is Cupid J159 having such a foreboding feeling? 

When they’re about to reach Brian’s workplace and nothing bad happens, Cupid J159 decides to leave it. That’s when it happens. 

He didn’t notice which building they were paying by, and neither did Brian. The continuous honking of the cars and the loud sound of the drilling machines covered the sound of the breaking and the shouts, but his cupid senses are what alerted him first. He looked up just in time to see the wrecks raining on them. A particular big rock is falling at full speed, as if aimed to Brian’s head. That’s when Cupid J159 understood what the white fog meant. 

_Death._

His body moves before he even thinks it over. There’s no time to think it over anyways. In the speed of lightning, he snatches Brian out of harm’s way. It’s his first time having such contact with a human body, and for once, it feels more than holding air. He didn’t know this was possible in the first place.

He thought he’d be able to land Brian somewhere near and safe, before he flies away and leaves as if nothing happened. The human would be too shocked to question what really saved him. But suddenly, all of his strength drains out, and he finds himself unable to push the guy far enough. Heck, Cupid J159 can’t even lift his own body. A strong power pulls him down, making him fall to the ground, on top of Brian’s body. 

He tries to lift his body in a last attempt, but something heavy hits the back of his head, then everything turns black. 

When he regains his consciousness, he’s in a hospital room. Well, he’s quite familiar with those. Hospitals are common places to spread love. This time, however, there’s a lot of different things. For instance, he’s laying in a bed, and something feels terribly wrong with his body, especially his head. 

Flashes of the events happening before his blackout floods his memory, and he panics. 

“You’re awake?” 

A nurse walks inside, smiling. He looks around the room, making sure he’s the only one in there. He is. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks again, this time, putting a hand on his shoulder. As if he’s been burned by fire, his whole body jerks away from her. 

“Y-you can see me?!!” he questions, almost hysterically, “W-who are you? What am I doing here?” 

“Please calm down,” she tries to reassure him, “You injured your head, and you’re at the hospital now.”

Cupid J159 refuses to listen to her nonsense anymore and tries to stand up. His body, however, refuses to cooperate, his vision swimming every time he makes a move. He tries to take off the needle buried deep in his forearm, but the nurse is fast to stop him. He register her saying that she’s going to put him back to sleep, before he loses focus, and his consciousness eventually. 

Cupids cannot dream, but at the moment, Cupid J159 wishes for this to be nothing but a bad dream. 

-

“Cupid J159, wake up.” 

The call of his name and the order work like magic, as he snaps awake. This time he’s in a white room, sitting on a chair. Just in front of him, there’s a white desk, and an old man setting behind it. He’s wearing the white cupid’s uniform, and glimpses of his wings can be seen over his shoulder. 

Well, this doesn’t seem very promising, but isn’t it better that the hospital room?

“Cupid J159, I think you know why you are here,” the man starts, his voice gave. He sounds very authoritative. 

“Uh,” he hesitates for a while, “Not really,” he says, nervousness starting to kick in. 

The old man shoots him a disapproving look, before he lowers his eyes back to the report in his hands. 

“You’ve breached multiple articles of our constitution.”

“We have a constitution?” Cupid J159 questions in shock, “Since when?”

A glare from the elderly makes him shrink back in his seat, letting a hasty apology. 

“Article 6 should be no novelty for you. It states that cupids, under no circumstances, should have direct contact with humans,” the man reads off the sheet in his hand, “Article 21, no cupids should interfere between humans and Death. Article 78, cupids should not show any biased behavior for a certain human. Article 111, cupids should not show any interest in any particular human.” 

As the man lists the articles that Cupid J159 has obviously breached, the cupid in question realizes how much in trouble he is. The list goes on for a while, and when it comes to an end, the elderly gives him a stern look. 

“These are the rules you’ve broken so far. I could’ve kept a blind eye on some of them, however, that will be impossible after what you did just recently. The immediate punishment for having direct contact with a human, is to be suspended,” Cupid J159 gulps in fear. He’s really done for, “but your case is different.” 

Somehow, these words makes him relax a little bit.

“For the last five years, you’ve prevented yourself and all the other cupids from shooting this certain human, Kang Brian, which has great consequences,” or maybe he shouldn’t relax too soon, “You have denied this human all forms of love for so long. You also have ruined his only chance at true love.”

This is bad news. Really, really bad news.

“Our duty is to grant love to humans all the same, and let them experience true love as well. Deserting you from your duties won’t compensate this human for his unrealized love life. So, to fix the mistakes you’ve committed, your punishment is to fulfill Kang Brian’s true love.”

“That’s it?” Cupid J159 smiles in delight. 

“I’m not finished,” the old cupid glares at him, “First, this matter shouldn’t be dragged any longer, so you will only be given 90 days.”

He nods enthusiastically. This is still feasible, if there are no other conditions. 

“However, since the immediate punishment for having physical contact with human has taken place, and you have taken your human form-” 

“Human what???” Cupid J159 stands in shock. The elderly sighs heavily.

“When a cupid gets suspended, they are stripped from their powers,” he patiently explains, “They turn into humans.” 

“W-what?” He slumps back into his chair, feeling like he’s been struck by lightning. 

Seeing the helplessness on his face, the elderly’s gaze turns sympathetic, “I told you, your case is different. You’ve only turned into a human in form, you’re still a cupid in nature. So, if you succeed at finding this human’s true love in 90 days, you will regain your position as a cupid, alongside your powers and abilities.”

“Isn’t it easier for me to finish this mission if I’m in my cupid form?” He questions, still in disbelief.

“It’s too late, you already turned and has been seen. If your human body suddenly disappears it will raise a lot of questions among humans. It will be better for you to clear all the confusions you’ve caused before disappearing.”

“But- but- what if I fail?” Cupid J159 doesn’t want to consider that possibility, but he needs to know what punishment awaits for him.

“If you fail, you will fully turn into a human, and will never go back to being a cupid.” 

“You can’t do this to me! Please reconsider!” He strongly protests.

The old man shakes his head, “The decision has been taken, and believe me, we really went easy on you,” he takes a deep breath, “Another trial will be held in 90 days, make sure to finish your mission before then. Only then you would be forgiven.”

Cupid J159 feels wronged and wants to keep protesting until the elderly changes his mind, but something in the man’s cold gaze tells him it will be in vain. That was the final verdict.

“Starting today, you will be living as a human, and your name will be Park Jaehyung.” 

_-TBC-_


	2. D-89: The Plan

**D-90**

“It’s all your fault!”

Cupid J159 is seething with anger as he glares at Brian. The latter’s expression hangs somewhere between shock and guilt. His mouth opens and closes twice, without a word being uttered. The cupid curls his hands into fists, trying to hold himself from out lashing on him. The entrance of a doctor and a few nurses is what saves Brian from his wrath. 

This time, Cupid J159 sits still while being examined. The nurse that put him to sleep earlier is watching him attentively, in case he goes berserk again. Once he finishes his examination, the doctor sits on the chair by the bed’s side, “Are you feeling better now?”

The cupid-turned-human nods slowly. He’s not used to being talked to by humans. 

The doctor smiles, “Good,” he opens his clipboard and takes his pen out, “Now let me ask you some basic questions so I can finish your report, okay?” 

Cupid J159 nods again. He’s dreading this questioning part so much, and his fears are probably showing on his face. The first question is so basic he should’ve seen it coming. 

“What’s your name?” 

So simple, if only he could say _‘Cupid J159’_? But that’s not a human name. And he’ll be revealing his identity that way, that if they didn’t think he was some lunatic. 

_‘Starting today, you will be living as a human, and your name will be Park Jaehyung.’_

Oh right. The old man was generous enough and gave him a human name to go by. He should use it. 

“J-Jaehyung, P-park Jaehyung,” he stutters, sounding unconfident. 

The doctor writes it down before moving to the next question, “And how old are you?”

This time he really can’t answer. What is he supposed to say anyways? His true age? The number of years he’s lived as a cupid would be unreasonable for his face and body. What age range does he look like? 

He takes too long to answer, apparently, because the doctor asks a different question, “Jaehyung, do you remember how you got hurt?”

Okay. This is easy. _‘Jaehyung’_ can do this.

“Uh- I- I- rocks were falling down, so I pushed him-” he points at Brian, “out of the way. I think one of the rocks fell on me?” He finishes uncertainly, and the doctor nods.

“And do you remember what you were doing right before the incident?” 

No no no! Go back to asking easy questions! For obvious reasons, he’ll have to lie for this one. Jaehyung racks his brain for ideas. Anything. Yet, he can’t come up with any plausible lie. How can humans lie so effortlessly and on the spot? They make it seem like an easy thing to do. 

“I- I-” he stammers, buying more time for himself to come up with an answer.

“Other than your name, do you remember anything about yourself?” The doctor asks when he takes too long, “Where do you live for example, a family member or a friend?” 

Instead of panicking, an idea strikes Jaehyung. Of course! He was hit on the head. And what happened ninety percent of times in Korean Drama when a character gets into an accident? Amnesia! How could he forget about that?!

Now a little bit of acting. He lowers his head, forcing his features into a sad expression, “I don’t remember,” he says as helplessly as he can. That must be enough to convince them, right?

The doctor puts his hand on his shoulder, “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry,” he smiles reassuringly. 

“What’s wrong, doctor?” Brian questions, concern written all over his face. Jaehyung still shoots him a dirty look.

“According to the scan and analysis, the hit didn’t cause him any internal casualties. The memory loss, however, is a common aftermath,” he explains.

“And how long would it last?” Brian asks again.

“Usually, not more than the time needed for the external injury to heal. For some cases, it can last longer.” 

After answering to some of Brian’s concerns, and reassuring both of them several more times, the doctor and his team leave. Now it’s only the two of them, plus the awkward silence. Brian hesitantly sits down on the seat previously occupied by the doctor. His posture is rigid and nervous. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, head lowered and voice small, “It’s my fault, and I’m really sorry,” he lowers his head more, until it almost touches the mattress. 

Seeing how the human is putting the blame on himself melts Jaehyung’s anger away. Rationally thinking, Brian is not responsible for what happened to him, at least not directly. Cupid J159 doesn’t put the blame on himself either. He doesn’t regret saving Brian from death. So it’s just a matter of bad luck, or fate, maybe? He’ll figure it out eventually. 

“You’re not the one who hit me with a rock, and I’m the one who decided to save you, so please sit straight,” he feels so uncomfortable saying these words. After all, he’s never comforted a human. He clears his throat and awkwardly adds, “It’s not your fault, whatsoever.”

Brian lifts his head slowly, expression still weighted down by guilt. He still sticks around for a while, alternating between thanking him, apologizing, or asking him if he needed anything. Jaehyung is new to all of this attention, and knows that it’s the same for the human as well. Brian’s interaction with others is always kept to a minimum, he must be feeling responsible towards him to stay with him this long. 

So, using the late hour as an excuse, he asks him to leave. Thankfully, Brian complies, albeit reluctant. He leaves his phone number, just in case, and promises to come back the next day.

**D-89**

It might be because of the hit, or the medication the nurse forced him to swallow, or maybe it’s just his human body, but Jaehyung sleeps for the whole night. It’s a novel feeling, as cupids are always fully conscious, and never need to sleep. Even when he wakes up, he’s totally disoriented, and it takes him a moment to recognize his surroundings and to remember how he ended there. It’s already morning, judging by the glaring sunlight creeping through the window. 

Surprisingly, Brian is sitting on the small seat at the other side of the room, too engrossed in drawing on his notebook to notice the pair of eyes watching him intently.

Jaehyung still can’t wrap his mind around the fact that he’s a human now, that he can have actual conversations with Brian, like normal two-sided ones. Oh and the fact that Brian can see him as well. It’s weird. It also means that he needs to be careful not to get caught starring creepily at him. Just like now.

“You’re awake,” Brian closes his notebook, puts it back in his bag, then walks to the bed with a smile, “How are you feeling today?” 

“Uh,” see? He’s lost his ability to talk now. This situation will take him some time to get used to.

“Better, I guess,” is all he can come up with for the moment. It will do, he hopes. 

A nurse comes to check on him, and only leaves after entrusting Brian with the task of making him finish his meal and taking his pills. Jaehyung crunches his nose as he swallows down another bite of the questionable thing that’s supposed to be his breakfast. If this is what food tastes like then it’s surely overrated. He puts his spoon back into the bowl and pushes the whole tray away, “This is terrible.”

Brian chuckles at his disgusted face, “That’s what hospital food tastes like in general.” 

Well, it better be just the hospital food. Jaehyung would not touch food ever again if it all tastes like that. He’d rather starve to death. 

“Here, eat these,” Brian hands him a small box, “But don’t let them know that I brought you chocolate, or the scary nurse will never let me in, ever again.”

Jaehyung looks at the guy’s smiling face, then the box. Skeptical, he takes it and opens it, praying that it’n not as nasty as his breakfast. He takes a piece and pops it in his mouth, slowly munching on it. When the chocolate melts in his mouth, and the sweetness hits his taste buds, his eyes widen in surprise. 

“Wow!” He exclaims, making Brian grin in satisfaction. 

“WOW!” He repeats, in lack of something better to say. This must be what humans call _‘delicious’_. Maybe food is not that overrated after all. He eats a second piece and a third, and in the matter of few minutes, he finishes half the box. Brian has to forcefully take it away from him, “You’re still sick, you can’t eat this much chocolate yet.”

Jaehyung pouts and crosses his arms, dejected, “Now you’re acting like that nurse.” 

A chuckle escapes the human. He sits on the foot of the bed and softly says, “The doctor told me you will get discharged today, you can eat as much chocolate as you want at home.” 

Then, his smile falls a little and he seems like he’s contemplating something. Jaehyung waits for him to make up his mind and speak again, “Do you have somewhere to go to after you leave the hospital?” 

Oh! Jaehyung hasn’t thought about that yet. Where would he actually go now? The old man said he’ll have to live as a human, but didn’t say exactly how. The cupid is basically broke and homeless right now. They didn’t expect him to live like this for so long, did they? 

“Since you don’t remember anything, and the police still didn’t find your family, I though that maybe you could come and l-”

Before Brian could finish his offer, the door of the hospital room bursts open, and a young woman barges in.

“Jae! My dear nephew what happened to you? How could you end up in the hospital like this? Do you know how worried I was since you disappeared yesterday?”

She keeps rambling as she drapes herself all over Jaehyung’s body and hugs him tightly. Both guys are frozen in shock by her loud entrance. Jaehyung has never seen this human before, so it’s only normal for him to find what’s currently happening weird. 

“Don’t worry, I’m here to take you home!” The woman pats his head as if he’s her pet, so he dodges her hand.

“Who are you?” He nonchalantly demands.

The woman pulls back with a shocked expression, and pretends to be wiping a non existing tear. 

“Jaehyungie, how could you forget your one and only aunt?” 

Jae is about to kick her out, just because of the nickname. Fortunately, Brian is more experienced in the humans’ relations field and interferes in time to tell her that Jae has lost his memory. 

“My poor nephew,” the woman pitifully whines, and pounces to hug him again. This time, she gets pushed away for real. She completely ignores the patient and turns to Brian.

“You said your name is Brian?” she offers him a handshake, “I’m Park Hyeji, this brat’s aunt.” 

Brian bows politely, “Nice to meet you, madam.”

“Oh please call me Hyeji, I don’t mind,” she says with a charming smile. The guy nods shyly. 

Jae watches their exchange cluelessly. Did he possess some human’s body? And this was that human’s real aunt? What is he supposed to do now? Thank God he came up with the stupid memory loss lie. Now he just needs to keep the lie going. He stays completely shut as the two humans discuss his situation. Not having the attention on him is better. 

“Can you give me your number?” Brian asks, “I would like to keep checking on Jaehyung until he gets better.” 

Park Hyeji grins childishly, “Of course, of course,” she searches her pockets and gets out a pink small card. She hands it to him, “That’s my personal business card, it has my number so you can call anytime, and we,” she points at herself and Jae, “live at the same address, so you can visit whenever too.” 

Brian thanks her, then slowly reads the information on the card. He raises an eyebrow, looking amused, “Cupid Café?” 

His amusement is met with a confident response from the woman, “Yep, I’m the owner. It’s really popular.” 

Jaehyung rolls his eyes at her confidence, before he’s struck with realization. _‘Cupid’_ Café? This can’t possibly be a coincidence. Then this Park Hyeji is a cupid too? Was she sent to help him with his mission? But Brian can see her, so maybe she’s in her human form too? At least, now he feels more reassured to go home with his so called aunt. He’ll get an explanation later. 

After changing into the outfit Hyeji brought for him- the shirt is too tight and the jeans are too short- and finishing with his discharge procedure, Jae bids Brian goodbye and leaves with the weird woman in her car. 

“So,” he starts once they’re alone, “who are you?” 

Park Hyeji flashes him a wide grin, “Cupid H03 at your service.”

Jaehyung’s eyes widen, “03?? You must be _old_!”

While he’s not even sure about the secret behind the numbers and letters in the cupids’ naming system, he still thinks that such a number can only be given to an ancient cupid rather than a young one. However, Park Hyeji doesn’t look that old, maybe mid thirties? So she shouldn’t be that old either, by cupid standards. 

The woman glares at him, “Say that again and I’ll throw you out of the car. And no, I don’t give a fuck that it’s moving.” 

A shiver runs down his back. This woman is really scary. 

“Anyways, I’m the head of the Cupids’ Affairs Office,” she explains, “I bet you’ve never heard about it because it’s only responsible for cupids who’re unlucky enough to turn into humans, just like you.”

Well, she’s right. He’s never heard about such a thing. Don’t blame him for finding her suspicious. 

“And what kind of help do you offer?” He questions, almost challengingly. 

“Well, generally we provide shelter and living necessities for them, and help them settle in the human world. We also get them official documents like IDs and passports,”The woman smoothly answers, “ In your case, I will have to help you with your mission.” 

Jaehyung still feels uneasy. So he continue interrogating her, in case she slips, “Why didn’t you come get me yesterday then?” 

The woman sighs in irritation, “I had other things to take care of. I’ll tell you more when we reach my office.”

Park Hyeji drives them to a nice neighborhood with small buildings and modern houses. She parks the car in front of a two-story building, surrounded by a beautiful garden. The first floor is obviously the infamous Cupid Café. The tables set outside are all occupied with customers, and through the big glass windows, Jae could see that the inside is packed as well. The woman was not joking when she said it’s a popular place. 

Instead of going inside, Hyeji leads him to a fight of stairs by the side of the building, and he follows silently.

“I live here,” she tells him as they make their way upstairs, “And starting today you will be living here as well.” 

As soon as he steps inside, Jaehyung’s mind could only conjure one word to describe the interior. Colorful. Like really colorful. The walls, the furniture, the carpets, the curtains, and even the lamps, everything is of vibrant color. The exposure to that amount of colors at the same time should give him a headache, but Jae finds it unique and cozy.

“Can you wait here for a second? I’ll be right back.”

Jae nods and Hyeji leaves the apartment again. He sits on the hot pink couch, and immediately gets distracted by the cushions. The dark blue one is very soft to the touch -probably velvet-, while the yellow one feels rougher under his fingers. He keeps playing with the cushions, curiously studying their textures until he finds his favorite. It’s a glittering black one with a big red heart, and it comes with a surprise. When he passed his hand over a spot, the color changed to soft pink. He loses track of time playing with the reversible glitter cushion, and only realized he’s no longer alone when he hears someone clear their throat. 

Jae stands up startled. Hyeji is back with two other guys and the three are currently trying to stifle their laughs. They must’ve came a while back and witnessed his childish behavior. The realization causes Jae’s face to grow hotter. Is this what shame feels like? 

When she recovers from her amusement, Hyeji introduces the two guys, “Jaehyung, this is Wonpil and Jinyoung, they work for both the Cupid Café and the Cupids’ Affairs Office.” 

The first guy, Wonpil, has a blinding grin, and he shakes his hand too eagerly, “I’m Cupid W428, nice to meet you.”

The other guy, Jinyoung, just gives him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “It must’ve been hard on you, I’m Cupid J922.”

“Wonpil and Jinyoung will help you settle and will guide you through your stay,” Hyeji adds, “If you need anything then you should ask them.” 

Jae glances at the two guys. They don’t seem bad, and since they’re offering their help, then he should accept it.

“Are you all in your human forms as well? Or are you fully turned?” He curiously asks.

The three exchange a look before Wonpil answers him, “I’m a human, but they both are still cupids in nature.”

Jae frowns in confusion, “Was this some kind of punishment, then?”

“No. This is one of the cupid’s responsibilities, just like shooting people,” Jinyoung explains, “We’re here because we chose to.”

“Because of my higher position, I can willingly turn to my cupid form,” Hyeji further explains, “I can also see cupids and arrows.”

Jae knows that they’re not telling him everything, but for now, he have more important matters to deal with. When they’re sure that he trusts them a little bit more, they all settle to discuss his situation.

“The report I was give yesterday was brief. It’s better you tell us everything in detail,” Hyeji suggests and Jae complies. He retells them everything that happened in the last two days, as well as the trial. 

“So all you need to do is find this guy’s true love, right?” Jinyoung questions. 

“Make him fall in love, not just find his true love,” Wonpil corrects him. 

Jae nods, “That’s the tricky part. How am I supposed to make him fall in love with someone without the arrows?”

Park Hyeji smiles in mischief, “That’s easy though. “

“How?” The three ask in unison. 

“Since you know this human very well, you can easily predict his type and the kind of people he’s attracted to. So, all you need to do is plant someone in his way, and wait for him to develop feelings for them. A cupid is bound to notice the attraction and might shoot him,” she ends with a shrug, as if it’s the most obvious plan ever. 

“Wait wait wait,” Jae holds a hand up, “How am I supposed to _’plant someone one on his way’_ ”, he uses air quotations, “and what if no cupid shoots him? Don’t you think this plan is too vague?” 

Hyeji shakes her head, “My plan has a one hundred percent success rate.”

Jinyoung frowns at her, “Did you try it before?”

She shakes her head, and Jae almost facepalms. He takes a deep breath and tries to further explain the difficulties that they’ll have to overcome for their plan to work.

“For all the years I’ve know him, Brian has never went out with anyone. What guarantees that he’ll do it now?”

“Are you serious,” Wonpil grimaces, “This guy’s flirting game must be awful.”

Jae rolls his eyes, “Brian does not hit on people. People hit on Brian, all the time. He just rejects everyone.”

“We’re doomed then,” Jinyoung says under his breath, gaining a kick in the shin from Wonpil.

After a moment of deep thinking, Hyeji finally speaks up, “I think he needs a push to start considering those offers, and you should be the one giving him that push,” At least she’s sounding more serious and professional now, “If you manage convincing him to go on dates, he’ll eventually find someone he truly likes. And a cupid shooting him won’t be a problem if you manage to find someone really compatible with him.”

Well, the plan seems more logical now, but there’s a teeny tiny detail that might cause a problem.

“And how am I supposed to convince him? We’re not exactly that close,” Jae emphasizes the last part, hoping that they have a solution for it. 

“Then you start by getting close,” Hyeji says, as a matter of fact. 

Right. As if that’s any easier than the whole mission.

“I think this is going to be easy!” Wonpil squeaks, clapping his hands excitedly.

Jaehyung wishes he can be as optimistic as him. Apparently, he’s not the only one with low expectation, as Jinyoung sarcastically asks, “Oh really? How?”

Park Hyeji smirks confidently at them, “Did you forget what we really are?”

Her confidence makes a little bit of hope bloom inside of Jae’s chest. If four cupids combine their efforts, finding Brian his true love will be an easy task, right?

Spoiler alert: _it’s not._

-TBC-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a slow start but things will start speeding up slwoly. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter !!! Stay safe and healthy and see you next time =D
> 
> (Find me on [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou) )


	3. D-84: Diary of a Lonely Cupid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cupid J159 has a lot to say about humans' lifestyle.

**D-84**

Park Jaehyung, a newly turned human, has a lot to complain concerning humans’ habits and lives. Or maybe everything. 

First, why is it so hard to maintain a human body? Maintaining corporal hygiene didn’t turn as easy as humans made it look. Regular showers, brushing teeth, combing hair, washing hands practically after everything, and the list goes on. It’s all extra work. Cupids are always immaculately clean. They never need to change their clothes. Cupid J159 has never wore anything other than his uniform. Now, as Park Jaehyung, he needs to change his clothes at least twice a day, and it’s so hard to find something that fits. What a joke! 

Next, there’s the constant need for hydration and nutrition. Water is so plain, totally tasteless, but God forbid he can go a few hours without it, otherwise his mouth will get dry. He tried other beverages, of course. Coffee was a nightmare, not that tea was any better, anyways. Juices, smoothies and fuzzy drinks are okay, but nothing could beat hot chocolate so far. 

Jaehyung’s second nightmare came in the form of spicy food. The first time he got a taste of it, he felt like his mouth was on fire, so he swore to never try it again. Now, he settled for simple meals with a little bit of non-spicy seasoning. Hyeji has forced him into trying all kind of different food so that he can match everything to its taste and smell. To think that one day he was curious about what tasting was like, the humans had him fooled for so long. 

Discovering that he has a sweet tooth was the only thing that made it worth it. It’s probably the only food he finds joy in eating. Hell, even coffee tasted more acceptable after he added an abominable amount of sugar to it. Fruits, pastries, sweets, and his all-time favorite, Chocolate! He has no calms having chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. If only his so-called aunt would allow it, but no! he needs to have a balanced, and healthy diet. Fuck that! 

The list goes on and on, but what Cupid J159 hates most about being human, is not being able to fly. For obvious reasons, his human body doesn’t have wings. When he took off his shirt to have his first shower ever, he disappointedly glanced at his back in the mirror. He knew that his beautiful white and golden wings were no longer there. However, he did not expect seeing a black-lined tattoo of folded wings covering all of his back. At the time, he was too shocked that his screams alerted everyone in the neighborhood. 

“It’s because you’re not fully turned, so you still have your wings but in another form,” was aunt Hyeji’s explanation. She even shown him glimpses of her wings tattoo. It might be beautiful, but totally useless. Now, Jae has to endure the humans’ mundane ways of moving from a place to another. 

As if walking was not bad enough, having to enter everything through a door or any kind of entrance is the real struggle. Jae has lost count of how many times he’s walked right into a wall or a door in these past few days. If the rock didn’t give him a concussion, then his inability to get used to doors will, and sooner than he thinks. 

Besides his ability to fly and telekinesis -don’t get him started on that one or he won’t shut up-, Jae misses seeing people’s emotions. Before, one look at a human would tell him their current mood, or if they were having any romantic thoughts about someone. He was used to reading auras, not facial expressions and gestures. So now, without the colors to guide him, it’s really challenging to figure out what the people around him are feeling. 

Some humans wear their hearts at their sleeves. Some are more discreet, and unfortunately, Brian falls into that category. Just Jae’s luck. He thought that after years of watching Brian, it would be easy to read him, but the guy is just too guarded. Him keeping a distance was expected, even though he has kept his words and came to check on Jae twice. Both times, he only stayed for a while, asked Jae a few questions about his health, then left in a hurry to go back to work. It’s been two days since he’s last visit already.

So, because of Brian’s distant nature, and since he’s been too busy getting used to humans’ weird antics, Jae didn’t make any progression with his mission. The most he’s done in the last few days is learn how to use his new phone. Jinyoung has introduced him to the internet, thus, he’s been killing time by googling all kind of absurd questions, and laughing at the more absurd answers he gets in return. Who would’ve thought that he out of all people would become that addicted to a smartphone. 

“How am I supposed to find him his one and only if I don’t even see him?” He complains to Hyeji. He’s came to her office about an hour ago and started ranting about the lack of progress in their plan. He’s yet to notice that she’s been totally ignoring him, all her attention on her computer screen.

When Jaehyung finally finishes complaining, he notices the lack of response on her part, so he slams both his hands on her desk.

Park Hyeji jumps startled, “You scared me!” She puts a hand over heart, “You’re still here?” she asks, irritated. 

“Where else can I go? It’s not that I want to be here, but I don’t have a fucking choice!” 

And that’s the truth. Jae was banned from going outside alone after he almost got arrested that one time he did. It’s not his fault though. The variety of chocolate in the convenience store was mouth watering, and he completely forgot about the infamous monetary system of the Human world. Luckily, Jinyoung came to his rescue after his phone call. He apologized and paid for the chocolate. Jae knows for a fact that the shop owner let him go so easily because Jinyoung pointed at the bandage around his head and whispered something about Jae being _‘a little bit crazy after he hurt his head’_ to the man. 

After that incident, Hyeji has provided Jae with a debit card for his own use, but she’s also prohibited him from going outside alone. Ever since, he’s been seen loitering around the café or inside of her office, whining about how boring humans are. Or maybe he’s getting lonely. That’s why he’s been annoying the people he knows, which is a very limited number. 

There’s Hyeji, of course, but she’s most of the time out, _‘taking care of things’_. Wonpil and Jinyoung are both baristas at Cupid Café, so they’re always busy. They were the ones responsible for educating him on how to interact with humans and how to live like them. They both are pranksters, and they enjoy teasing him a little bit too much, but they’re not harmful, whatsoever. He’s growing to like them and to trust them more, day by day. 

The only fixed human employee of the café -other than Wonpil- is Jaebum, who’s the pastry chef. He doesn’t look like he knows anything about them being cupids, (or maybe he does but doesn’t give a fuck about it. That’s more like it). 

Jae was not warned and has learned not to get on the guy’s nerves the hard way. Jaebum almost stabbed him once because he caught him stealing a pice of the chocolate cake. _‘Almost’_ because Youngjae, Jae’s favorite part timer, saved his ass by begging Jaebum to spare him. Youngjae also seems to have his doubts. He probably think they’re drug dealers or hiding a body somewhere, that’s why he never asks. The rest of the part-timers are college students who seem too done with the world. They refuse to acknowledge Jae’s existence altogether. 

So yeah, Jaehyung is slowly losing his mind from loneliness and boredom.

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Hyeji closes her laptop and turns all of her attention to him, “You still got more than eighty days, why the rush?”

Jaehyung rolls his eyes, “You speak like your plan is flawless, while we’re not even close to achieving the first step!”

Hyeji’s plan was simple. Get close to Brian, throw someone in his way, then wait for some cupid to shoot him. Jaehyung finds it too vague and reckless, but that aunt’s strategy is to be flexible and figure things out along the way. In other words, she’s just relying on their luck. What a great strategy!

Park Hyeji, flowing with overconfidence and optimism as usual, smiles brightly at him, “Who said so? You have me, so don’t worry! Starting today, consider yourself Brian’s best friend!” 

Jae is about to call her out for the bullshit she’s spluttering, when a knock on the office’s door interrupts him. It’s Youngjae.

“Boss, you have a visitor,” he brightly says. 

“Let him in.”

Surprisingly, the visitor is none other than Brian. Hyeji seems like she’s expecting his arrival.

“Brian! You came just in time,” she happily welcomes him in.

Jaehyung waves awkwardly at him, even though they’re sitting across each other. Something about really interacting with Brian makes him nervous. 

“Jae, how have you been?” He politely asks, “Is your head better?”

Before he gets to answer, his aunt butts in, “His head got better on the expense of mine,” she complains, “He’s been bothering me for days with his endless questions. Look how much unfinished work I have!” 

Out of respect to Brian’s presence, Jae holds back from smacking his ‘aunt’ really hard, and sticks to only talking back, “Don’t blame your slacking off on me. And again, I’m only here because I don’t have anywhere else to go,” he then adds with a small voice, “And Wonpil sent me here after I annoyed him too much.”

Brian lets out a small chuckle, having heard the last part. 

“I’m free this afternoon. Do you want to go on a stroll with me? We can have dinner together, too,” he friendly offers, taking Jae by surprise.

“YES PLEASE!” Hyeji jumps at the offer, “You’ll be doing me a favor!” 

Jae tries to mask his excitement by fake annoyance. The plan is officially starting, and he’ll get to spend a few hours away from this woman. 

“Try not to miss me too much when I am gone,” he stands up to leave, followed by Brian. 

“As if!” is the response he gets before he’s out of the office. Wonpil not so subtly winks at him when he sees him leaving with the guy. He, and the rest of the staff seem happy though, so Jae promises himself that he’ll annoy them twofolds when he’s back. 

Once they’re in the street, he takes a very deep breath. He didn’t realize how much time he’s spent inside until he’s hit with the late afternoon breeze. Even though he found breathing to be a hustle at first, the feeling of cold air filling his lungs is so refreshing. He should add it to his short list of his favorite things about being a human. 

“Do you want to walk around, or do you want to drive somewhere else?” Brian asks, but Jae has already chosen a direction and is walking away, so he catches with him.

“Let’s just wander about, it’s been a while since I’ve been out,” he answers with a carefree grin. 

They walk in silence for a while, none of them daring to talk. Well, it’s not that Jae doesn’t want to talk, or doesn’t know what to say. After all, he’s very familiar with Brian, as well as talking to Brian. However, he doesn’t want to slip and say something stupid that could scare the other away. He should wait at least until Brian gets more comfortable around him. Brian willingly taking him out is already a good start.

All of Jae’s self-restrain, however, are thrown out of the window once they walk past a small playground. He runs to the swings like an excited toddler and jumps on one of them. Ignoring his proportions that shouldn’t fit in such a small swing, he lift his legs and lets his body sway back and forth, back and forth, until he gets the hang of it. 

“Wow, this is actually fun!” He happily chirps. Brian is still outside of the playground, watching him in shock, so he waves him over. 

“Why are you still standing there? Come here, let’s have some fun!” 

Albeit hesitant, the human still walks over, keeping a safety distance between them. 

“Aren’t you going to sit on the other swing?” Jae demands. So again, with a lot more of hesitation, Brian sits on the other swing. 

Jaehyung goes back to swinging, using much more force this time, “Oh my god! This is really exciting!” He excitedly shrieks as the swing goes a little bit higher, and his insides suddenly feel too empty. He keeps doing so, until he feels that the swing can’t go any higher, and he hears Brian asking him to be careful. 

This feels different from flying, yet, he quite likes it. It takes a while for Jae to calm down and let the swing slow down. When he steals a look at Brian, he finds him swaying a little bit as well. It seems that he too couldn’t fight the temptation to imitate him. 

“Why are you holding back?” He questions in amusement, “No one’s watching us.” 

Brian stops monumentally when he realizes that Jae’s attention is now at him, “I’m too old for this,” is his lame excuse.

Jae scoffs at his reply, “What does age has to do with playing in a playground?” 

“Everything?” 

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he stands from his swing and walks to stand behind Brian. He ignore the latter’s protest and start pushing him, “You’re telling me it’s acceptable for kids to play such a dangerous game for fun, while adults can’t? What kind of logic is that?” He gradually pushes harder, then steps away, letting Brian go back and forth in the air. The protests has long stopped and turned into occasional giggles. When the swing started slowing down, Brian himself gave a strong push with his feet to make it go higher. 

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Jae encourages him, before going back to his swing and doing the same. 

“Was the hit that strong or you’ve always been like this,” Brian comments once they finished playing and decided to resume their stroll. 

Jae can detect the teasing tone easily. He still gives him a flat look, “Says the one who insisted on trying the seesaw.”

Brian laughs in response, his posture much more relaxed than earlier. Who could’ve thought that playing in a kids’ playground would be such a good icebreaking activity? 

They decide to have dinner at a noodle place, recommended by Brian of course. Jae has lost all of his interest in food- he only eats to survive now-, so he allows the other to order in his place, warning him of his intolerance for chillies. 

“How’s your memory though?” 

It takes Jae a moment to remember the reason behind Brian’s worried question. His memory is really bad, it seems. At least he still recalls his life story that aunt Hyeji came up with. 

“Almost back, some recent memories are still blurry,” he tries to sound serious while reciting his previously-taught lie, “especially the few days before the accident.”

Brian nods comprehensively. It seems that he still feels guilty.

“No need to worry though, the doctor said everything is good, and I’m healing really fast!” Jae tries to lift the other’s mood with another lie. He hasn’t seen the doctor since the day he got discharged, but Brian needn’t know that. On another note, Jae is really getting better at lying, he must be a natural. 

When the food arrives, Jae asks for forks to eat the noodles with, since his chopsticks skills are completely nonexistent. 

“I grew up abroad,” is his excuse. Jinyoung has assured him that it will work anytime he does something out of the norm. It’s working with Brian right now, so he must be right. 

“Your aunt has told me that you only came here a couple of days before the accident. Does that mean you’re here on vacation?” 

“I’m visiting,” Jae cautiously replies. He can’t just declare that he’s staying for three months, but then stays forever -in worst case scenario-, or say that he’s staying, but suddenly disappears. It all depends on whether he succeeds or not. So he tries to be a little bit vague, “But I’m not sure for how long.”

Thinking that he’s had enough playing with the noodles, he decides to try it. It just doesn’t look so appetizing, its colors too bland. However, he’s pleasantly surprised by how good it tastes. His eyes widen in shock as he swallows a second and a third mouthful, “Oh wow! This is actually delicious!” He says with his mouth full. 

Brian watches him in amusement, and then points out, “You didn’t seem eager to try it though.”

Jae nods genuinely, “True. Hyeji’s cooking skills are awful, so I’m losing interest in food,” he dives again into his bowl. Honestly speaking, her cooking skills are not that bad, it just doesn’t fit with his ambiguous taste.

“You sound like a picky eater.”

“Am I?” Jae consider it for a moment, “Well, I guess I am.” 

After stuffing themselves full, they are back in the streets. It’s already dark, so Brian offers to walk him back home, afraid that he’ll get lost on the way. Jae doesn’t have the heart to decline, plus it’s a chance to spend more time with Brian, so he lets him. 

“I feel like I’ve ruined your vacation,” Brian says when Jae keep talking about his boring routine, “If you want, you can call me whenever you feel bored or you want to go somewhere, I will take you there,” he suggests, and Jae is over the moon. He enthusiastically gives him his phone number, agreeing right away on this arrangement. 

Jae will definitely succeed with this mission and will go back to his previous life. Ninety days are turning out to be too long of a period, and he can’t wait for them to end.

-TBC-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early update cause I'll be too busy to update during the next two weeks :/ (I will proof read it later)
> 
> so how was their first of too many dates (yes you heard that right :p)? 
> 
> Anyways, stay healthy and safe everybody <3 <3


	4. D-77: The Troublemaker and the Heartbreaker

Jae is certain that Brian’s offer was mostly out of guilt and kindness, but he’s a poor cupid that was thrown into the human world cruelly. He’s lonely, bored, desperate, and shameless. Well, exceptionally shameless. Thus, he totally abuses the power given to him, and by the end of the first week, Brian must be seriously considering changing his phone number.

Jae knows Brian’s schedule and habits by heart, and he uses it in his favor. During the day -especially lunch time-, he bombards him with text messages, and silly emojis -courtesy of Jinyoung who taught him how to use them. Most of them stay on read for hours, which is expected since Brian is at work, and Jae is just too insensitive to stop texting him during work hours. When a reply does come, it’s usually one word or two. On really special occasions, Brian does reply with an emoji instead of words. 

Brian must be really annoyed by him, right? Yet, he stays true to his words. Everyday after work, he comes to hang out with Jae at the café, or they go out to eat together. He even keeps up with Jae’s weird eating habits, no matter how picky he gets. And when they separate at night, Jae would still call him and would spend hours talking to no end, until one of them falls asleep. Brian’s neighbors must be thinking he got a noisy roommate by now. 

If one-sided conversations when he was a cupid were absurd, then what can he say about one-sided phone calls and video calls? Usually, Brian puts him on speaker and goes on with his routine, whether finishing some work or mindlessly sketching something. Jae doesn’t mind being ignored, as long as the other doesn’t disconnect their call. In fact, Brian is slowly starting to participate more in their conversations. It’s like he’s finally accepted Jae’s existence and started to embrace it, since there’s no running away. 

Anyways, it seems like the beginning of an _interesting friendship_ , Jae thinks. 

**D-77**

“This was a big mistake!” Hyeji exclaims in exasperation. 

Armes crossed and feeling extremely wronged, Jae stands still as she scolds him. Thank God the café is almost empty at this time of the day, and the only few customers scattered around are completely ignoring them. The bell above the door chimes, and an oblivious Brian enters the café, the scene catching his attention right away. Not giving him a chance to absorb what was going on, Jae runs towards him and hides behind his back.

“Brian, save me!” He clutches his shirt and tries to shrink behind him. 

Hyeji scoffs at his silly behavior, “Jae, what are you doing? Leave the guy alone.” 

“Is everything okay?” Brian asks, confused.

“That mean woman wants to kick me out!” Jae whines childishly. He can feel Brian’s body getting rigid, so he relaxes his hold on him, but doesn’t let go.

“Who’s going to kick you out? You don’t even work here,” Hyeji deadpans.

“Well thank God he doesn’t,” Wonpil sarcastically points out, “We would’ve gone out of business a long time ago if he did.” 

The cupid sends him a dirty look, “Asshole.” 

Brian, still clueless to the whole situation, turns his head to look at Jae, “Did you cause them trouble?” He asks with an amused smile. 

“Does he cause anything other than trouble?” Wonpil says, as a matter of fact, “He was supposed to cover for Youngjae today, he messed five orders,” he counts with his fingers, “dropped two cups of coffee on the floor, and last but not least fought with two customers.” 

Brian releases a baffled small laugh, “Just that?” He asks Jae, who shrinks further behind him. 

“I’m clumsy,” he replies in a small voice. Well, it’s not exactly his fault that some customers have the most ridiculous orders. And he really didn’t see the guy hurrying out, and ended up crashing into him and dropping the whole tray. As for the fights… He’d rather not talk about that.

“I want to hear about the fights though,” Brian says, seemingly enjoying this a little bit too much. 

The main witness of this disastrous day, Wonpil, gets excited to retell them what exactly happened. 

“The first one was a teenage girl. She was peacefully taking some selfies, and she was using a dog filter, he saw it when he brought her her drink, so he gave her a lecture about it! It was hilarious!” 

While Jae’s face burns with embarrassment, Brian laughs whole-hearted. Feeling betrayed, he pushes him away, “Traitor!”

Their eager storyteller resumes talking, ignoring the sulking cupid, “The second was a guy, who was stupid enough to bring both his girlfriends to the same café on the same week. Jae recognized him, and bluntly asked him _‘is this the first or the second? Or maybe you have more than two girlfriends?’_ ” Wonpil imitates Jae’s voice for the last part. 

Amazed, Brian turns to him, his mouth wide open. Honestly, Jae is very proud of that moment. Since he spends a big portion of the day in the café, it wasn’t hard for him to notice the two-timing guy, and he’s been barely holding back from exposing him. So when he got his chance, he took it. That guy deserved it, anyways. 

“The girl broke up with him on the spot, so he called me over and asked me to fire Jae,” Hyeji adds, still sounding annoyed. 

“So she told him,” Wonpil clears his throat to better impersonate her voice, “ _‘why would he take responsibility for you being an asshole?’_ I’m seriously surprised he didn’t threaten to sue you!” 

She grins proudly, “he deserves it,” but then she goes back to glaring at Jae, “Anyways, you’re never having direct contact with the customers again! I don’t want to go bankrupt.” 

As shameless as he can get, Jae holds his palm up in her face, “You still have to pay me for today.”

Surprisingly, Hyeji smiles widely at him. He’s suddenly scared. 

“I don’t have any cash at the moment, do you accept payment in smacks? Or maybe punches? I’m fine with both,” she says with that creepy smile of hers, sending a shiver down his spine. 

As soon as she takes a step in his direction, Jae grabs Brian’s hand, and flies out of the café, dragging the guy with him. When they’re a safe distance from his scary aunt, he stops running, releasing the other’s hand. 

“That was a close call,” he wipes the non existent sweat off of his forehead. 

The other is still grinning, totally entertained by the situation and the story. Jae glares at him, “You can stop laughing now,” he orders, irritated. 

However, his words fall on deaf ears, and Brian is only laughing harder. Jae pretends to be walking away, so the other runs after him.

“Okay okay, I’ll stop,” he promises, but Jae ignores him. Brian pokes at his shoulder to catch his attention, but he brushes him off coldly. 

“I thought we’re eating at the Korean barbecue place you like.”

“Go by yourself. I’m not eating with you anymore.”

Brian smirks before saying, “I’ll pay,” and it works like magic in melting Jae’s angry frown. He still points his index at him threateningly,”I’m going to make you regret it.” 

Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen. The barbecue place is closed for the day, so they have to eat somewhere else. 

“This looks like a nice place,” Brian points at the burger place across the street, but Jae shakes his head.

“I tried their burgers once, it sucked.” 

They’ve been walking around for almost an hour now, and he’s rejected all of Brian’s propositions, each time coming with an excuse. Brian is visibly losing his patience, little by little. He sighs deeply, “You know what? Follow me,” he walks into a supermarket and starts tossing different items in his cart, Jae following him like a lost kid. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to feed me raw meat and vegetables?” He sulkily crosses his arms, as he watches the cashier ringing their purchases. 

Brian rolls his eyes, “No dummy,” he pinches his cheek, “I’m going to personally cook for you.” 

Jae rubs his bruised cheek with a pout, but when he processes the other’s words, his eyes lighten with joy, “Really?” He sticks to Brian’s side like an excited toddler, “Really really??” 

This was unexpected. He’s barely seen Brian cook before. He only does so in very special occasions, or when he’s in a particularly good mood. Otherwise, he lives on takeouts and deliveries. 

When they reach Brian’s apartment, Jae has to pretend that it’s his first time there. He plays it as the clueless guest and stands awkwardly at the side of the kitchen as Brian empties their bags. 

“Why are you standing there?” Brian glances at him with a quirked mouth, “You’re going to help me cook.” 

Our helpless cupid blinks a few times, then points at himself, “ME?” He scoffs, “Do you want me to burn this building down?” 

“Don’t be so dramatic,” he hands him a big knife, “You’ll cut the vegetables, no fire included, see?” He finishes with a wide annoying smile.

Jae laughs uncomfortably accepting the knife, “No fire indeed, haha.”

Onions are evil. Jae concludes as he sniffles for the hundredth time. He’s still on the first onion, though. Who would’ve though that his first time crying would be because of an evil vegetable? Life is full of unexpected happenings after all. 

“You’re doing it wrong.” 

Oh, and Brian is an evil chef. He’s been criticizing all of Jae’s movements, from the way he’s held the knife to the way he cuts the onions. 

“I obviously said cubes,” he says in a bossy manner, “And you’re too slow.”

Sick of the continuous orders, Jae holds the knife up, right in his face, “Say that again,” He challenges with a deep voice. 

Brian takes a step back and raises both his arms in surrender, forcing a laugh, “They’re perfect! Continue with your hard work.” 

“That’s what I thought,” Jae returns to cutting the onions and crying. Gladly, the carrots are easier to cut, since no tears are included, and after some time, Jae gets the gist of it and becomes more confident and faster. However, overestimating his new skill, he ends up slightly cutting his finger. Pain is still a new sensation for him, so it takes him a moment to understand what’s happening.

“Oh, blood!” He exclaims, both surprised and fascinated by the sight of the red substance. Brian’s reaction is different from his though. He panically runs to his side, and worriedly inspects the cut.

“Does it hurt?” He questions, carefully wiping the wound with a wet towel. The cut is small, but it’s a little bit deep and it’s bleeding profusely. It doesn’t hurt much though. That time he bumped his toe in the bed’s leg was way more painful.

“This won’t do, wait a second,” Brian quickly disappears in the apartment before coming back with a small box. He takes out a small piece of cotton and wets it with some liquid, “This is going to sting, so bear with me,” he warns before he starts disinfecting the cut. Jae is too busy watching Brian up close to care about such a meaningless sting. 

He’s watched a lot of humans melt when having someone treating their wounds -or care about them in general-, but he’s never understood what’s so magical about it. Until now. To be very honest, it does cause a bit of a fluttering. 

Brian finishes by wrapping a small bandaid with a duckling print around his finger, “It’s done!” 

He looks so proud of his work, and Jae can’t seem to tear his eyes away. Sometimes, he feels like he’s seeing him for the first time, like he’s only ever paid attention to the aura rather than the human himself. Having Brian’s expressions bared for him like this, he could see the raw emotions. It’s more beautiful this way.

When he takes some time without reacting, just smiling like an idiot, Brian notices that he’s being stared at, and shyly averts his gaze, his ears getting red. Realizing that he’s been staring, Jae pulls his hand away and stands up promptly. 

“I’ll go set the table!” He uses as an excuse to get out of the kitchen momentarily. Since he knows where everything is, he finishes his task in a short time. By the time he’s back in the kitchen, the awkwardness between them has dispersed. 

“I still don’t know what you’re cooking,” he points out, curiously peeking at the pan Brian is currently using. 

He chuckles, “Don’t expect too much, just stir fried rice, but I tried to fit it to your taste.” 

Jae grins happily. At this point, he wouldn’t mind eating heated canned food, as long as he can openly watch Brian cook -not so openly though- and will get the chance to finally -FINALLY- eat with him at that small table. It’s like a dream come true. He’s lost count of how many times he’s sat on that specific chair, watching the human eat. To be able to actually sit there, share a meal with him - a meal that Brian himself has cooked for him-, and to have a conversation with him, it’s just too good to be true. 

Cupids don’t have homes or families. But after five years of following Brian like his shadow and coming here daily, Jae has started to consider Brian as his family, and his apartment as his home. Call him crazy all you want. He’s done questioning himself a long time ago. 

“Letting you cook for me is a big mistake,” Jae admits, after he’s licked his plate clean. 

Brian panics, thinking that he didn’t like his cooking, “Why?” 

“Now I’d want you to cook for me all the time,” he cheekily says, giggling at his own answer. For some reason, Brian’s face turns red. 

“What’s wrong?” Jae asks worriedly, “Did I say something wrong?” 

Clearing his throat loudly and looking down at the table, “No, no, I’m glad,” he ends with a nervous smile.

“I-” his face is getting redder and it’s concerning, “I like eating with you as well. It’s nice.” 

A warmth slowly floods his heart, and a grin settles on his lips. His face may be getting as red as Brian’s at this moment. They’re both avoiding each other’s eyes, and Jae is scared that the previously perfect moment will turn awkward now. Thus, he tries to change the topic.

“Anyways, what are you doing tomorrow?” 

Brian tears his eyes from the glass of water and answers with a shrug, “Nothing, I guess.”

As expected, he’s always free on the weekends. 

“I’m going to the mall downtown to do some shopping,” Jae tells him, and he nods.

“Alright, just tell me the time so I won’t sleep in.”

It’s only been a little bit over a week, but Brian is automatically including himself in Jae’s plans. If that’s not an improvement, then he doesn’t now what could be. 

Anyways, even if he’s starting to consider Jae as a friend, and equally enjoying his company, agreeing on going shopping with him was a big mistake. Poor guy didn’t know he’d end up being his fashion advisor and personal carrier. 

“Why do you need all these shirts and hoodies for?” Brian lifts all the bags he’s carrying in question. It’s been hours now, and they’ve practically visited most of the outlets in the mall. 

Jae rolls his eyes, “I told you, I didn’t bring much clothes, plus, it’s not my money,” he finishes with a wink, making the other shake his head in disapproval. 

The cupid is sick of stealing off Wonpil’s closet, as if his clothes fit. Everything is either too tight or too short. And not to mention Wonpil’s style consists of striped shirts or cartoon shirts. It’s both boring and childish. 

“Oh this one’s not bad,” he picks a light jean jacket, “What do you think?” 

Albeit irritated, Brian puts the bags down and gives the jacket a good analysis of quality, “It’s nice, I guess.” 

“Really? Try it on then,” he tries to put it on the other, but Brian stops him. 

“What? Why?” 

Jae sighs, “I can’t slave you around like this and not get you something,” he says, as a matter of fact.

“But you don’t need to,” Brian protests, “I’m helping you because I want to.”

For some reason, those words cheer Jae on, “Really? So you’re not helping me out of guilt or whatever?” 

His big, hopeful eyes must’ve surprised Brian. Taken aback, the latter nods slowly, and that’s enough to make Jae jump in happiness. 

“I’m still buying you this jacket though, or maybe you like something else? Don’t be shy and just tell me!” 

And that’s how, he ended up buying a jacket for Brian as a gift. The guy is mostly wearing formal clothes, but Jae prefers it more when he’s dressed casually. It suits him better. 

When he decides that he’s bought enough, and that they deserve a rest, they head for the closest coffee shop to rest. Brian orders an iced coffee, while Jae orders a milkshake, not the sweetest thing on the menu, but it would do. The waitress lingers for a little too long after placing their orders, her dreamy gaze fixed on an oblivious Brian. 

Jae clicks his tongue in disapproval when she finally leaves, a little bit disappointed, “Look at you, that waitress was all over you, but all you care about is that gross drink.”

“Coffee is not gross, it keeps me sane,” is all that Brian deems reasonable to say. 

“Are you serious? Shouldn’t you give her your number or get hers?” He surely will not allow for Brian’s stupidity to ruin such a valuable chance.

The human shrugs, “Not interested.”

“Not interested?!” Jae is totally baffled by his indifference.

“Why? Do you have someone?” He asks, although he knows the answer to that.

Leisurely drinking his coffee, the human shakes his head.

“Maybe, someone you like?” 

Again, he shakes his head.

Jae huffs, “Then why are you ‘not interested’?” 

“She’s not my type.” 

_Oh now you have a type!_

“And what’s your type?”

For a second, he looks like he’s seriously contemplating the answer to that question, he even looks around the café, as if in search of someone that could fit his criteria. But then, he turns back to Jae, “You?” he says with a playful grin.

The irritation within Jae dissipates into something warmer, and he has trouble keeping eye contact with the human. 

“Asshole,” he murmurs, taking a big gulp of his chocolate milkshake, wiling for the sweetness and coldness to calm his heart. Now he regrets not ordering something sweeter. 

Jae doesn’t bring the matter up again, not wanting for it to backfire. The waitress does slip Brian her number with the bill, but he boldly returns it to her, politely telling her that _‘he’s not interested’_. Jae secretly shakes his head and mumbles to himself, “Heartless,” the other hears him anyways.

“I’m not heartless. But if I accept it, knowing very well that I won’t call her, that would be unfair for her. She’ll be waiting for a never-coming call,” he clarifies. 

Jae snorts, “If you’re such a gentleman, then help me with these,” he shamelessly pushes the bags he’s holding into an indifferent Brian’s arms, “And hurry up, we still have a lot of things to buy.”

It’s fair to say that Brian ended the day with sore feet and aching arms, and Jae is not the least sorry for that. The human deserves it for teasing him and making his mission harder. But the cupid should’ve expected this. He’s seen how unresponsive Brian has been to all the flirting he’s got from the people at the bar. He’d reject them all so coldly, that’s why the bartenders came up with the nickname _‘the heartbreaker’._

Jae has to find a way to lift this curse and push Brian to open up. He has an idea where to start, and it might actually get him somewhere. 

Hopefully. 

-TBC-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A slow chapter before "things" start to happen ;p I hope you enjoyed this chapter, tell me what you think about it in a comment =D
> 
> I now I said this last time, but I'm really going to be busy next week, so next chapter will take sometime (a little bit over than a week from now? two weeks at most) 
> 
> Anyways, PLEASE STAY SAFE AND HEALTHY!!! 
> 
> (My [ twitter](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou) just in case ^__^)


	5. D-70: Drinking Night

**D-70**

Our beloved cupid-turned-human had a whole week to plan for the upcoming weekend. Surprisingly, he came up with a relatively well-developed plan. All he needs now is Brian’s cooperation. 

“You want to go to a bar? Why?” The human asks over the phone.

“Why do humans go to bars for? Study?” 

“You mean that you want to drink?!” The human questions, skeptical, “Wait, you drink??” Jae can almost see how surprised he looks at the moment. 

“Of course I do!” He exclaims way too loudly. His lying tone still needs some working on, “I’m older than you, for your information,” he adds, to sound more convincing. 

Brian sighs in defeat, “Okay, pick a place and we’ll go there.”

Jae grins mischievously. Thankfully, the other can’t see him. “Let’s just go to where you usually drink.”

Another sigh, then he agrees without further questioning, “Alright, let’s do that.” 

As soon as the call disconnects, Jae jumps in glory. He’s finally _-fucking finally-_ going to try alcohol, and with no one other than Brian himself. Gone are the days where he just watches pitifully as the other gloomily drinks all alone. And maybe this time he’ll be able to find him someone nice and _‘his type’._

“You’re like a young human who’s came out of age and is about to drink legally,” Park Hyeji comments when she sees him all groomed up, and ready to go out. 

He doesn’t let her words get to him. It’s not that he understood that reference to get offended by it, anyways. 

“You’re just jealous cause I and Wonpil got plans, and you don’t,” he sticks his tongue out, childishly. 

She glares at him, “Just get out of my house, you ungrateful jerk!”

He only laughs louder, “Auntie, you can’t be so harsh on your nephew!” 

A pillow flies in his direction, but he avoids it, sticking his tongue again. When he sees another upcoming pillow coming, he decides that he’s annoyed her enough for one night. He flies out of the house, bouncing in excitement. However, when he sees Brian waiting for him outside the front gate, he tries to calm himself a little bit, not to be suspicious. He slows down and takes a moment to study the guy from afar. 

Brian is standing under the street light, distracted by something on the ground. He’s wearing a black button down and black pants. As usual, simple and chic, and effective at making Jae waver. 

Alerted by the gate opening, he turns to Jae’s direction, opening his mouth to greet him. However, as soon as the cupid steps into the light, Brian pauses, and lets his gaze not so discretely travel up and down his body. Jae’s suddenly feeling self conscious. 

“Uhh, you look nice,” Brian softly says, almost like a shy whisper. 

When Jae has let Wonpil choose this outfit for him, he didn’t consider being complimented by Brian for it. He just wanted a change in style, something more fitting for a drinking night than the sweats and hoodies. The barista has lent him a dark red blazer to go with his black t-shirt and black pants. He’s got to admit, it does look nice, accentuating his body shape and height. Still, Brian’s comment makes him blush and look away bashfully. 

“Thanks, you too,” he mutters, his hands getting clammy with every passing second. Human bodies are weird. 

“Shall we go?” He suggests, pointing at Brian’s old car. 

Thankfully, Brian snaps out of his dazed state, “Yeah yeah,” he hurriedly opens the door for Jae. The latter stands flabbergasted on the pavement, wondering what the hell is going on. It’s slowly turning into one of those first dates that are too sweet but awkward, except, this is not a date. Jae is a man on a mission, and should snap out of it, like right now! 

Noticing that the human is still waiting for him, he jumps into the passenger seat, hoping that the inside of the car is darker than the street. The last thing he wants is for Brian to see how awfully red his face currently is. None of them speaks a word during the ride, letting the radio fill the silence between them, and Jae refrains from looking into the driver’s direction. Enough awkwardness for tonight.

A expected, Brian takes him to the small bar he frequents, and sits at the exact same stool. The bartender is as friendly as usual when he greets him, although totally ignoring Jae’s presence. 

“Brian, it’s been a while,” they bump their fists together, “The usual?” 

Brian nods, then turns to Jae, “What do you want to drink?” 

The bartender is taken aback by their exchange. He surely didn’t expect his loneliest customer to bring someone. But that’s Jae’s last concern right now. He doesn’t know what to order, so he masks his dilemma with a cool shrug, “The same as you.” 

The bartender nods, letting his curious gaze linger on Jae for a second, before serving them. He places a small glass in front of Brian, and another one in front of him.

“Enjoy your drinks,” he says with a smile, but doesn’t turn away from them, or from Jae more specifically. 

The latter doesn’t miss the attention, even with all of his focus on the tiny shot glass now in his hand. He remembers seeing Brian downing it in one go, so he mirrors that action, and what a big mistake that was. He should’ve learned his lesson from the big disappointment that coffee was. This is only worse, way worse. It burns, and burns, both his tongue and throat. Even the aftertaste is awful. He tries not to react so badly, but his face is a traitor and the bartender has seen everything. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment on it, and Brian doesn’t notice either. 

Finally, the guy move his attention to Brian and says, “This is your first time bringing someone with you.” 

“Oh!” Brian’s eyes slightly widen, as if he’s just remembered something important. He then hastily does the introductions for them, “This is Jae. Jae, this is Sungjin.”

They nod at each other, and Jae musters a polite, “Nice to meet you.” 

“He must be the reason why you didn’t come last week,” Sungjin raises an eyebrow in question, getting a casual nod in response. His grin only widens at that. 

“Does that mean you guys started going out since last week? Or before?” He excitedly questions, and Brian spits out the few he’s just drank.

Jae’s reaction, however, is way slower. His head is getting lighter than it was a few seconds ago, while his body heavier. There’s also the pending headache, so the panic caused by that question does him no good. Fortunately, Brian denies it in his stead.

“That’s not it,” his whole face is flushed by now, “We’re just friends.” 

This is not the first time for Jae to see the other blushing. The stuttering, though, is a novelty. Somewhere in his fuzzy brain, he finds watching that cool demeanor cracking so satisfying. He hopes that he will still remembers this sight when he sobers up.

Even though Brian’s reply doesn’t satisfy him, Sungjin doesn’t point it out, and only passes him a napkin to wipe his mouth. He then places a triangular glass in front of Jae, filled with a purple liquid, “This cocktail is my speciality, and it’s on me.” 

He accepts the drink with a smile and a thank you, but this time, he only takes a tentative sip first. He ain’t doing the same mistake twice. The cocktail turns out much more sweeter, with a bit of tanginess. It’s considerably better than the first one, nevertheless. Sungjin smiles in satisfaction at the lack of disgust on his face. 

Jae doesn’t order any more drinks, just keeps slowly drinking the cocktail, his vision already getting blurry. The other two are having small conversations that he doesn’t catch on. He’s almost slipping into a deep sleep over the counter when Brian excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Sungjin takes that as his chance to have a one-on-one conversation with him. 

“So, are you close to Brian?” He casually asks. Even in his tipsy state, Jae can tell he’s still curious, and wants real answers. 

He shrugs, “Not really. We’re friends, I guess, but we didn’t meet that long ago.”

“How did you meet?” 

“There was a minor accident, I helped Brian, and since then he feels indebted to me.” At least Jae is not drunk enough to slip when answering, otherwise, disasters would’ve ensued.

“Well, it’s good seeing him making friends other than me,” Sungjin releases a heavy sigh, “He’s been alone for too long, and he rejects anyone approaching him.”

He seems hesitant for a second, as if he wants to add something, but the return of Brian prevents him from doing so. He regains his smile and easygoing demeanor instantly. 

Noticing that Jae is already drunk, Brian decides to end their night out at that, and takes him back home. Jae barely registers what happened after his conversation with Sungjin, and when he wakes up the next morning, he’s sporting the biggest headache in cupids’ history. 

“I’m not drinking anymore,” he resolutely announces, slumping against a chair in the café, still in his pajamas and bed hair. 

Youngjae, God bless him, has gave him a medication for his hangover, while Jinyoung -that asshole- kept mocking him for the whole morning. 

“Wow, you look awful,” even aunt Hyeji got zero compassion to spare for him. 

From his seat, Jae sends her a barely menacing glare. He was sure she’d tease him for his low alcohol tolerance and heavy hangover. She sits across him, placing her tea cup on the table.

“We need to talk,” she speaks in her business tone, crossing a leg over the other.

Jae growls loudly and buries his face in his hands, “You’ve chosen the worst time for that.”

“I just want to ask about your progress. Don’t you have anything new you want to share with us?”

He lifts his head slowly and gives her the most pitiful gaze ever, “Is nothing an acceptable answer?” 

“Are you for real?” 

Jae sits back, fighting his headache, “It’s not that we’re not close. He’s just so closed on himself, so I’ll never know anything from directly asking him.”

Hyeji purses her lips together into a thin line, “I know you said that he got no friends and no exes, but that gotta be someone that could help us. Time is slipping by.” 

And she’s right. The first month is coming to an end soon and they barely have a lead. A little bit of help is much needed right now. Running his fingers through his hair multiple times, he lets the list of people Brian interacts with rather daily. The list is short, and no one is worth mentioning, really. A neighbor or two he greets in the elevator, the cashier of the convenience store that barely spares him a smile, the coworkers that he only speaks to about work related stuff, and definitely no family members. No exes -not as far as Jae can remember at least-, and no friends. 

Or maybe there is, one friend. 

“Sungjin!” He yells in a moment of realization, startling Hyeji. 

“And who’s that?”

“The bartender! Brian goes there regularly and they seem to personally know each other,” he explains excitedly, but quickly deflates when he reconsiders the situation, “They don’t meet outside of the bar though, and I don’t think Brian tells him anything significant.”

This is another dead end, it seems.

Hyeji gets immersed in her thoughts, deeply analyzing the situation. A few seconds later, her eyes brightens, obviously a new idea popping up in her head.

“That’s it! He might not say anything when he’s sober, but he must’ve slipped a few things when he got drunk, like the name of a crush or first love, and who’s there to listen to him?”

“Sungjin!” Jae gives her a high five, “Auntie, that’s genius!”

So, with a new purpose, and two nights later -because he can’t risk getting drunk two nights in a row- Jae finds himself sitting on the same bar stool, Sungjin greeting him happily as soon as he’s seen him. 

“You’re alone?” He asks, as if he’s expected him to drag Brian along. The latter doesn’t even know that Jae is here. 

“Yeah, I wanted to have a drink so I thought of coming here.” 

“Okay, so what do you want to order this time?” Sungjin asks, grinning in amusement when he sees the panicked expression on Jae’s face. Again, he didn’t consider that part. 

“I’ll just have the same thing as last time, that special cocktail? please.” 

Sungjin nods, the amusement still there. This time, Jae takes his time drinking, he needs to go through this with a clear mind, shouldn’t risk getting drunk.

“So, it’s so empty today,” he starts, trying to strike a conversation.

“It’s a week night, so it’s usually this slow,” Sungjin explains.

Jae doesn’t know what to say afterwards, so he awkwardly keeps looking around him, making a few random comments every now and then, but none of them is a good diversion to the conversation he actually wants to have with Sungjin. Why can’t humans be straight to the point? And why does he need to follow that stupid human standard? It’s really so frustrating. 

It’s on his second drink that Brian is finally brought up, and Sungjin is the one who does it.

“I know why you’re here,” he says, taking Jae by surprise. 

“You do?” He dumbly asks, thinking that he got caught. 

“Yes,” he sighs deeply, “I guess Brian told you about us?”

Instead of replying, Jae keeps stupidly blinking at him. He’s suddenly lost and doesn’t get what the other is implying. Fortunately, Sungjin doesn’t wait for his response and resumes talking, “I and Brian, it’s a very old story, there’s nothing between us now, we’re just friends, not-really-close friends,” he says sadly, “You don’t have to be threatened by me.” 

It takes Jae an embarrassingly long time to process what he’s just heard, and he’s supposed to be a smart cupid. It must be the alcohol slowing him down. When it finally goes through his brain, he can’t help but widen his eyes in shock. 

There are exactly two reasons for him to go through a mental breakdown right now. The first is obvious. He seriously didn’t expect for the bartender to be Brian’s ex. The second, however, is brought by a faraway memory, and Jae is not sure about it’s relevance. That’s why, he collects himself and does his best to hide his shock. He’s still on a mission, after all.

“When did you guys break up?” He asks, just to make sure.

Luckily, Sungjin doesn’t suspect anything, his answer coming out as uncertain, “About five years ago?” 

_Oh fuck!_

Even though everything fits, Jae still has hopes that his destiny is not that cruel to him, “Can I ask, why did you guys break up?” 

“He’s never loved me,” Sungjin replies instantly and with a bittersweet smile, “We dated for almost a year, and while I was head over heels with him, I can’t say the same about him,” he ends with a dry chuckle. Jae frowns, feeling bad. 

“Did he have someone else?” he knows for a fact that was not the case, but a cupid can hope, right? 

Sungjin is quick to deny it anyways, “Oh no! Brian is not that kind of guy! He’s just too genuine, you’d know right away if he likes you or not. Maybe that’s why I couldn’t tolerate him not returning my feelings.”

Jae nods. Recently, he’s came to understand that Brian’s lack of affection is not due to him hiding his feelings, but due to the lack of people he actually likes. Sungjin must know him too well to notice that, which has to be a good sign. Instead of just a friend, Jae has accidentally found an ex-boyfriend-turned-to-friend. It feels like winning the jackpot, except, he can’t sense the triumph at all. 

“But you must be really special,” Sungjin teasingly says, interrupting his train of thoughts. He’s even wiggling his eyebrows teasingly. 

Confused, Jae asks, “And why is that?”

“Well, Brian didn’t date anyone after I broke up with him. So if he’s finally showing interest in someone, they must be special.” 

A wave of heat travels at full speed up his neck, but he still denies the other’s accusation, “There’s seriously nothing between us, he barely tolerates me, you know!” 

Sungjin grins playfully, “Yeah yeah, I totally believe you.” 

-

“So what you’re saying is,” Wonpil pushes his imaginary glasses over his nose, “that that Sungjin guy is Brian’s ex?” 

Jae doesn’t bother nodding. He’s explained the situation three times since last night; Once for Park Hyeji as soon as he came back from the bar, once for Wonpil this morning, and once for Jinyoung five minutes later. Currently, they’re all discussing the new occurrences while having lunch in Hyeji’s office. 

“Does that change anything?” Jinyoung asks, “If they broke up that long time ago and Brian didn’t try to start over with him for all these years, that means it won’t happen now.”

“Well, he has a point,” Wonpil affirms.

Aunt Hyeji shakes her head, “You guys are not seeing the bigger picture here. We have Brian who’s a complete loner, it will be hard to push a stranger his way and expect him to open up and fall in love. If we want to finish this before the deadline, we have to do with what we have, and Sungjin is our best bet. It’s an old flame that needs to be relit. That should be feasible.”

“Yeah, but what makes you think that it would be a True Love arrow?” Wonpil, not totally convinced by the new turn in actions, questions again, “No cupid shot him with it when he was dating the guy, who do you think will do it now?” 

Hyeji falls silent and goes back to contemplating. Wonpil was right, this is still risky. If true love doesn’t happen the first time, then it will mostly not happen the second time through either. 

Jae clears his throat. It’s time to drop the real bomb, he guesses. 

“Actually, Sungjin is Brian’s true love,” he pauses, then corrects himself, “I mean was.” 

The three send him confused looks, that soon enough turn into skeptical, nervous ones. They must’ve caught on with the fact that he’s hiding something. It takes several minutes for Jinyoung to muster the courage to break the long silence.

“And how can you be so sure?” 

“Cause the cupid that didn’t want to shoot Brian with the True Love Arrow, was me.”

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sungjin is finally here!! Did I surprise you? heheh 
> 
> And I swear Jae is not stupid!!! (Just oblivious and that won't last long...) 
> 
> Anyways, I'm less busy now so I'll be updating more frequently starting next week =D Thank you for bearing with me ^__^
> 
> Stay healthy, safe and happy y'all <3 <3


	6. D-58: Warmth

**D-1915**

Cupid J159 was bored out of his mind. It was a slow day and a slower night, nothing interesting, at all. He’s only used five arrows all day long. The couples he’s stumbled upon so far were either fighting or so cringe-worthy that they made him want to pull his eyes out. 

Snow came early this year, and with the snow storm hitting the city, the night is lifeless. Cupid J159 wonders what’s so viscous about snow that makes humans lock themselves in their houses for so long. He finds the wind blowing with the snow flakes flying around beautiful and magical. Certainly, one of his favorite sights.

To kill some time, he flies into some apartments and houses, but all he’s came across were rounds of sex or loneliness. He should’ve expected that, humans are so single minded as usual. 

He goes to a part of the city that he barely visits in hopes of finding something interesting. Finally, he sees a whiff of a soft aura coming from a closed window, as if calling him over, and he follows it. Inside the small apartment, a lovely couple is having an alone-together birthday party. The whole place smells disgustingly sweet, the air a soft pink. Obviously, they are an established couple, with one of them having an arrow piercing right through his heart. Well, this must be a good opportunity to give the other guy a matching arrow. 

Cupid J159 takes out a True Love Arrow out of his quiver. He floats around them for a while, watching their interactions, and waiting for the right moment to spread his magic. 

“This is for you, Brian,” the guy with the arrow says, handing the other a small, rectangular box. 

Brian takes it with a shy thank you, and hesitantly opens it. It’s a promise ring. The aura around him quivers straightaway, and even his face darkens a little. His boyfriend, however, is oblivious to these minor changes, being more focused on his confession. He keeps talking for a while about how much the other means to him, and how happy he is, before saying those sacred three words.

“I love you.”

Cupid J159 knows how much these words mean for humans, can sense if they’re genuinely spoken or thrown away just like that. In this guy’s case, they’re spoken from the heart. It’s time for him to shoot Brian and make him say them back. He gets his arrow and bow ready and pulls, aiming directly at where the guy’s heart is. All he needs to do now is to release the arrow. 

He doesn’t.

If you ask him what made him stop, he’d say it’s the small things. Like how slightly repulsive Brian’s aura was towards his boyfriend’s, or how it lost its glow, in comparison to how bright it was a few moments ago, just before the confession. The cupid didn’t only see the fear and hesitation in the air, he _felt_ it as well. 

Still, these are just excuses. Cupids shouldn’t care about such things, anyways. They just shoot, and the rest is left for humans to deal with. Brian is free to commit to their relationship or end it whenever he wants. So when Cupid J159 lowers his bow and arrow, it’s because he simply didn’t want to, thinking that Brian can do better, can find someone better. He will make sure to find him his perfect match.

That night, and for the first time ever, Cupid J159 returned an arrow to his quiver. 

When he came back to the apartment a few days later, Brian was alone, and has remained as so for all of his next visits. Slowly, the cupid has developed a habit of following the human around, getting to know more of him little by little. 

By the time Cupid J159 had Brian’s whole weekly schedule memorized, the memory of the ex-boyfriend was pushed to the very back of his mind. So maybe, if he paid a little bit attention to the people surrounding Brian, he would’ve noticed that the bartender was none other than Brian’s ex.

**D-67**

There’s a long silence that overtakes the office after Jae finishes his story. Wonpil has dropped his sandwich in his lap, his mouth still hanging open. Hyeji’s face is hard, a deep frown on her forehead. Jinyoung looks borderline angry, but he tries to calm himself before talking. 

“So,” he starts, taking a deep breath, “Brian was supposed to really be in love with Sungjin, but you decided not to shoot? Just like that?”

Jae lowers his head in shame, “Yeah.” 

“Why did you do it?” Wonpil asks, helpless. All that Jae can do is shake his head. His excuses are going to sound like bullshit. They are bullshit, he came to realize. 

“I know I screwed up, and now I’m paying for it,” he admits, his head still hanging low.

“It’s all in the past, so there’s no point in blaming you for it now,” Hyeji interferes, after keeping silent for too long, “We can use it in our advantage, since we know that those two are meant to be. We just need to push them closer, and try to smooth the auras around them, if we want Brian to get shot.” 

They all nod in unison. Dwelling on the past mistakes won’t get them anywhere, and definitely won’t get Jae back to his cupid life. 

That’s why he gets into work right away, making going to the bar a daily task. Sungjin is surprised to see him again that night, but he gets used to it by the third consecutive one. The cupid uses the excuse of being lonely and new to the city, and the other actually believes him. The bartender also takes mercy on him and only give him drinks that are low on alcohol. 

Mostly, they talk about random things, and Jae skillfully throws some personal questions every now and then. Sungjin gladly answers, especially when he thinks that the other is drunk. And this is what Jae has collected so far: Sungjin and Brian met on their first day at college, became friends, then started dating at the end of their freshman year. Sungjin only dated a few after he broke up with Brian, and he’s been single for almost a year now. 

However, he keeps reminding Jae that he doesn’t have any feeling left for Brian, over and over again. Jae hopes he’s only lying, or trying to convince himself. Anyways, the cupid can always find a way to change that. 

Despite his new friendship, he still spends most of his days with Brian, and they eat dinner together. Jae doesn’t tell him about it, knowing very well that Brian will know about it eventually. Eventually comes on Friday night, when Brian arrives at the bar to find a tipsy Jae laughing hysterically at something Sungjin said.

“I didn’t know that you two are this close,” he comments as he sits next to Jae. 

“Oh Brian,” Sungjin grins happily, “You’re finally here!” 

When he turns around to get him his drink, Brian raises a questioning eyebrow at Jae, “What are you doing here?” 

Jae raises his glass, smirking. 

“Hyung seems to like the bar as much as you do,” Sungjin says, winking at Jae. 

Brian gives Jae a suspicious look, “Hyung?” He then averts his gaze to Sungjin, hoping that one of them would explain. 

Defeated, Jae releases a deep sigh before explaining, “I was feeling bored this past week, so I came here regularly to drink, and to chat,” he ends with a wide, innocent grin. 

That doesn’t lift Brian’s suspicion. He keeps watching their interactions with scrutinizing eyes for the rest of the night. Even when Jae tries to engage him in their conversations, he only gives curt answers. He only keeps drinking, asking for a glass after another. 

“Oh right,” Jae suddenly remembers, “Can you make time this Wednesday?” 

Sungjin think for a second then nods, “It’s a weekday, so I guess I can ask for a night off. Why?”

“Great! It’s Youngjae’s birthday and we’re holding a barbecue party for him at the café, you’re invited, but no gifts please.”

The bartender opens his mouth to protest, so Jae holds a hand up, “Aunt Hyeji asked me to invite you. She really wants to meet you. So if you don’t come, she’ll come here and drag you over herself.”

That’s not exactly a lie. Hyeji wants to meet Sungjin, that’s true, but it’s also a scheme to get him and Brian to interact more outside of the bar. Jae has a feeling that it’s going to be a fun night, with everyone gathered together. Chaotic, but fun.

“What about me? Am I not invited?” Brian demands, trying not to sound bitter, but failing badly. 

Jae masks his amusement with an innocent smile, “Of course you’re invited! Auntie said she’ll personally call you, so just be patient,” he pats his shoulder to reassure him. Brian shrugs his hand away, and aggressively downs his drink, asking for another. He’s obviously sulking.

After serving him, Sungjin leans closer to Jae and whispers in his ear, “I guess you got him jealous enough for one night.”

Intoxicated, Jae releases a loud giggle, “You think so?” 

With his elbow placed on the counter and his head being supported by his hand, he amusedly turns to Brian. The latter does look annoyed, and with the way he’s gripping his glass, his knuckles white, he’s got to be angry. Is this what jealousy look like without colors? 

Brian might burst at any moment. But wait a second, why would he be? Is it because Jae and Sungjin suddenly got too close? Is it because he felt left out? Or maybe because he’s not getting the attention he usually gets from Sungjin? 

Well, if it’s the last one -and it has to be the last one-, then Jae’s plan is going on the right track. 

**D-58**

The Cupid Café is closed this afternoon and evening because of the special event. Hyeji decided to hold the barbecue party in the backyard, so she assigned her employees to organize the place. Wonpil prepared the barbecue grill and the drinks, while Jinyoung and Jaebum brought several tables and chairs from inside to make a dining table that could fit everyone. 

They left the decoration for Jae, only because he kept complaining about everything they did without moving a finger himself. He hanged a big _‘HBD, Youngjae!’_ sign on the wall, then scattered an excessive amount of balloons around the courtyard. 

“Someone should’ve stopped him when he started inflating them,” Hyeji comments on the sea of balloons covering the grass. Not even a bit of green can be seen.

“He was unstoppable,” Brian says. He’s came midway the preparation to help, only to find Jae sitting on the floor, covered and surrounded by balloons, “I’m not even sure where he’s got that lung power from.”

Jae rolls his eyes at the two of them, “I’m here you know. And if you’ve given me a better task I wouldn’t’ve reached this number.”

“We were afraid you’d end up screwing the whole party,” Wonpil interjects, emerging from the kitchen with a bucket of ice, “Don’t forget how many glasses you’ve broken this morning.”

“Whatever,” he shrugs them off, and to their horror, takes anther balloon and starts inflating it.

Fortunately, Jae doesn’t cause any more incidents till the dinner starts. The number of guests was very limited. Just the café staff, Brian, Sungjin, and Youngjae’s friend, Bambam. Most of them were familiar with each other, so the atmosphere during dinner was friendly and relaxed. Even Sungjin, who barely knew anyone, clicked with them so quickly, and aunt Hyeji seems to really like him -Jae thinks it has to do with the fancy wine bottle he brought with him.

Another thing that Sungjin has in common with them, is that he enjoys teasing Jae as much as they do. It turns out that having everyone gathered together at the same place is a nightmare. Not fun at all.

Being the sneaky person she is, Hyeji has made Sungjin and Brian sit next to each other, and Jae is sitting across them. He’s been focused on trying to steal another piece of meat from Wonpil’s plat when Sungjin points at his forehead in concern.

“Hyung, what’s that on your forehead?” 

And now, everyone’s attention is set on the bluish bump on his forehead. Feeling his face heating up in embarrassment, Jae honestly replies, “I ran into a door.”

Sungjin grimaces at this, looking sympathetic, “Oh, I once bumped into a glass door as well. It was painful.”

He hears Jinyoung snorting, but he refuses to look in his direction. Wonpil and Hyeji are barely holding their laughters as well. They’re the worst friends ever, really. 

“It wasn’t a glass door,” he admits.

With the sympathy gone, Sungjin releases a small, “Oh,” his lips tugging up. “Did you not see it?” He asks, an evil smirk settling on his face.

“Oh he did see it,” Wonpil finally butts in to further embarrass him, “He just didn’t _consider_ opening it.”

“I’m going to kill you!” Jae threatens, but the other doesn’t seem the least intimidated. 

“It’s a Jae thing,” Jaebum adds, seemingly enjoying the situation way too much. He too has witnessed Jae running head first in doors multiple times. “He usually forgets to open doors, and ends up walking into them. One time he had a nose bleed because of a particularly strong hit.”

Then, the whole table is filled with laughter at Jae and his weird habit. If he could only explain his situation to them, just to see who’ll be laughing then. 

“Is young master used to peasants opening the door for him?” Sungjin further teases him, and Brian next to him chuckles loudly. 

_‘Traitors!’_ Jae thinks, sending both of them a deathly glare. 

The tease-Jae time lasts a little bit longer, his most embarrassing incidents brought up again to further humiliate him. Thankfully, they soon move to other random topics, all while simultaneously grilling and eating. It takes them a few hours to end all the meat, swipe the other dishes clean, and finish the cake and wine as well. 

After stuffing herself full, Hyeji has drunkly stumbled inside with a bottle of beer. Jae highly doubts she’ll make it to her bed. The rest has done some cleaning before they gathered around the table to play a game of _‘Never Have I Ever’_. Of course, Jae has never played it before, but he’s got an idea about the concept and rule of the game. Wonpil still discreetly explains it to him before they start. 

The questions start as basic and random, but after the boys got more intoxicated, they got more daring and strong. When everyone had to drink for questions like _‘never have I cheated on exams’, ‘never have I ever been kissed’,_ and _‘never have I ever had sex’_ \- Sungjin and Brian stiffly avoiding each others eyes when drinking for the last two- Jae swiftly avoided drinking. It did gain him a lot of weird looks, but who cares, as long as he stays sober. 

The guys start getting suspicious though, and it suddenly turns into a battle of who gets Jae to drink. None of their attempts has worked so far, though. 

“How can you not get caught? Not even once?” Bambam whines, irritated by Jae’s completely clean and perfect record, “I’m going to get you, you’ll see,” he drunkly threatens. Once it’s his turn again, he smirks mischievously at him, then says, “Never have I ever bleached my hair.”

Jae doesn’t drink. He only waits for Wonpil, Bambam, and Jinyoung to drink so that they can move on to the next person. 

“You can’t expect us to believe that you are naturally blond, do you?” Jaebum points out.

Technically, Jae has never bleached his hair. It has always been that golden shade, like the sunlight. Still, how is he supposed to make them believe that it’s natural? Bracing himself for the bitterness and dizziness, he downs the shot in one go. 

“That’s what I thought,” Bambam says, satisfied. 

Thankfully, Brian doesn’t participate in their game of attacking him, his questions keeping a certain degree of randomness and weirdness.

“Never have I ever got arrested.” 

Jaebum sighs in defeat, “That was one time,” then drinks, leaving them baffled. No one dares to ask though. A shiver runs down Jae’s spine. He should seriously start fearing that guy more, and stop stealing from his chocolate chips cookies. 

It’s Jinyoung’s turn. He gives Jae a small smirk before throwing his question. 

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo.”

A collective sigh leaves Bambam, Youngjae and Wonpil as they reluctantly drink. Bambam excitedly announces, “My turn!” it seems like he has another question that will get Jae to drink. However, he gets stopped by a tipsy Wonpil.

“Wait a second, wait!” He stands up and accusingly points a finger at Jae, “Aren’t you going to drink?” 

Caught red handed, Jae shrinks into his seat. Again, his tattoo is not something he’s _‘gotten’_ by human standards, since it’s magical. 

“What,” Jaebum snorts, “You’re telling me Virgin Mary right here, has a tattoo? What a joke.” 

Bambam and Youngjae are laughing mockingly. Even Brian doesn’t seem to believe it, “Maybe Wonpil is dr-”

Before he could finish the sentence, Jae downs the shot and loudly slams the glass back on the table, “Can we move on now?” 

A long silence takes over them as they all stare at him curiously, and he’s getting annoyed. Only Wonpil smirks in satisfaction, “Don’t let that innocent face fool you.”

“Uh,” Youngjae hesitates a little, “Is it a micro tattoo?” 

Jae releases an irritated sigh, “Let’s just move on with the game.”

“It’s not small at all, and it’s really badass!” Wonpil tells them before Jae could shut him. 

Obviously the gossiping type, Bambam curiously questions, “Where is it?” 

When Wonpil opens his mouth to answer, Jae decides that he had enough fun for one night.

“Okay, game over for you!” He stands up and drags him away, covering his mouth with his hand, “Let’s get you to bed.”

In such situation, Jae would certainly be called a party pooper, but he really wanted to keep his tattoo a secret. He’s not even sure for how long it would be there, and he certainly doesn’t want people to know about it, or worst, see it.

After he makes sure that Wonpil is well locked in his room, Jae goes back down to check on the other troublesome guys. However, he finds Brian sitting alone, playing with one of the candles that were previously on the cake.

“Where did the others go?” He asks, sitting by his side on the bench. 

Brian glances at him briefly, “Jaebum and Sungjin volunteered to take them home, they were almost passed out anyways.”

He then falls silence, like he always does. Jae enjoys these peaceful moments around him, but sometimes, he enjoys talking to him more. 

“Tonight was nice, don’t you think?”

He shrugs, “Yes, I guess. I’m not really fond of birthday parties.”

_‘I know,’_ Jae wants to say so badly. He knows for a fact that the other never celebrates his birthday. The most he gets is a text from Sungjin, and that’s about it. If Jae didn’t know beforehand his birthday date, he would’ve never guessed it.

“It’s not that you can’t celebrate your birthday without a party, there are other ways to do so,” he points out, “It’s still a special day, you shouldn’t treat it as an ordinary one, anyways.” 

“Yeah sure,” Brian dismisses him, and it’s totally infuriating. 

“You people are so narrow minded! Even if you don’t have anyone to celebrate with you or you hate people in general, that’s not an excuse for you to wallow in self-pity for the rest of your life! If you want to enjoy yourself and treat yourself, then do it! All by yourself! Who fucking cares!” He’s almost breathless when he finishes, half because he said it all in one breath, and half because he’s angry. 

Jae didn’t mean to get so worked up about it, but he’s had enough of watching Brian being always alone and living like his life was so meaningless just because of that. More than finding him a lover, he wants to make him enjoy his life. He genuinely wants to make him happy.

Brian, on the other hand, is giving him this really surprised look, and he panics for a second. What if he has offered him? Did he make him angry? 

Eventually, a small chuckle leaves Brian’s lips, and he takes it as a good sign. Even the surprise turns into astonishment. 

“Keep going, I actually wanna hear your point of view about this,” he says, his eyes holding a glint of curiosity. 

Jae almost sighs in relief. He grins widely and continue with his idea, this time less furious, and more enthusiastic. 

“For a starter, you have to take the day off. You should also dress nicely and go somewhere you wanted to visit for a while, or a place you like, whichever works best for you. You have to treat yourself for a meal as well. Something delicious and heartwarming. And a gift! You definitely should get yourself a gift! Whether it’s something you wanted to buy for a while or something you’re buying on impulse. If it means you have to save for it, then be it! Spoil yourself all you can when you have the chance! And of course, the cake!”

Brian interrupts him, seemingly only finding that part ridiculous, “Are you saying that I should buy myself a cake and sing the birthday song for myself?”

The cupid shakes his head, “That would look like a satanic ritual. Just wish yourself a happy birthday, silently wish for something and blow the candles. Look at the bright side, that way, not only you get to avoid that awkward moment of waiting for others to finish singing for you, but you get much more cake!” He finishes with an excited clap, and a wide smile. 

The other shakes his head at him in fascination, “You’re crazy, have I ever told you that?” 

That only makes his smile wider. He bumps his shoulder against Brian’s, “I know that you like it.”

“I do actually,” he admits without much resistance. Jae brightens straight away. He’s not sure if he meant his idea or craziness, but he’s fine with both.

“You should definitely try it then!” 

“How about you celebrate it with me? Wouldn’t that be better?” Brian suggests, and Jae almost agrees. His brain does a reality check and reminds him that he’ll be mostly leaving before the human’s birthday. His happy smile falls at once. 

“I’m sorry, I- you know that I-” he takes a deep breath to compose himself, “I won’t be here then.”

Brian averts his gaze, giving him an understanding nod, nevertheless. He, too, must’ve forgotten that Jae won’t be staying for long.

“How about this,” Jae tries to brighten the atmosphere again, “promise me that you will start spending your birthdays like that! Or differently at least?” He holds his pinky up for Brian, with the most cheerful expression he can muster at the moment. The human eyes his pinky with another disbelieving gaze. He releases a scoff, before he hooks his around Jae’s, and even let him stamp their thumbs together. 

“You promised!”

“Yeah yeah,” he shakes his head again, not believing that he once more gave in to Jae’s ridiculous ideas. 

They fall into another silence, albeit different this time. Jae can almost feel Brian overthinking. He tries to ignore it at first, distractedly reaching for a beer. The awful taste fails to divert his thoughts away, like it usually does. 

Five minutes is his limit, before he breaks the silence once more, “What are you thinking about?” 

“Just things,” Brian says after a long pause. 

“You seem like you want to say something, though,” he points out, “Just say it.”

The human weakly smiles, “You’re really observant, aren’t you?” 

Jae snorts, “Don’t say that in front of the others or they’ll think you went nuts because of me.” 

They both chuckle at that, but it dies instantly, and they’re back to that foreboding silence.

“So what is it?” Jae is persistent, and won’t let it go until he makes him speak.

Brian takes his time, contemplating how he should say it. With Jae’s anticipating eyes on him, he finally talks.

“Are you really leaving?”

That seriously was not what he expected…

The question itself doesn’t shock Jae as much as it should. What really, really concerns him is how vulnerable and sad Brian sounds. He hates seeing him like that. Still, he hates lying to him more. That’s why, he nods in response. He then takes a large swig of his beer. 

“When?”

Without looking at him, he answers, “I’m not sure. Couple of months?”

Afterwards, Jae keeps drinking, wishing he could get drunk faster so that he won’t have to go through this conversation sober. When he finds some courage left in him to steal a glance at his side, he finds Brian’s piercing eyes on him. 

“Will you come here again?” There’s something burning in his eyes, a mixture of determination and hope. Being locked in such a strong gaze renders Jae speechless. He doesn’t know what’s harder to say right now, the truth or the well-developed lie. At the end, he opts for none. Sometimes, actions speak louder than words, right?

“Can I give you a hug?” The words leaves his lips before he can think them over. That probably was enough of an answer, as he watches the hope in Brian’s eyes extinguishing. The sadness lingering around the human is getting too overwhelming for him. It’s breaking his heart, and he wants to comfort him so badly. 

Thankfully, Brian nods, and Jae’s body moves before his brain. He wraps his arms around the human, lets him rest his head on his shoulder. Brian hugs him back as well, and it’s warm and peaceful and perfect. He doesn’t want to let go anymore. 

They stay like that for too long, that Jae loses sense of time. He gets too comfortable and leans further into Brian’s chest, leaving no space between them. There’s a hand on the back of his head, caressing his hair softly, and it’s only making him warmer, inside and out.

Jae is almost drifting away in a deep sleep when he feels himself being hauled up, an arm around his back and another under his knees, his head resting on a firm chest. Brian takes him up to his room, and gently lays him on the bed. He doesn’t stay though, leaving right after tucking him in. Still, the comfort of his hug keeps Jae’s heart warm for the rest of the night. 

Morning comes and brings regret and coldness with it.

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, a long chapter... and Jae is still oblivious lol (and it was not supposed to turn sad at the end I'M SORRY!! )
> 
> Next one is going to be shorter, I guess, but it's a much anticipated one :p
> 
> Till then, Stay safe and healthy Y'ALL and thank you <3 <3 
> 
> (Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou) )


	7. D-49: An Arrow

**D-55**

“Tell me again why am I here?” Wonpil helplessly demands, after putting down a particularly heavy box on the floor. He’s breathing heavily and sweating profusely. Jae, on the other hand, is only carrying a carefully wrapped vintage lamp, which gains him a deathly glare. 

He rolls his eyes while placing the lamp on the kitchen’s counter, “Cause we can’t let Sungjin do this all by himself,” he replies, as a matter of fact.

Sungjin has briefly mentioned that he’s moving apartments on the weekend, and Jae has insisted to help. His definition of help being dragging Brian and Wonpil to do all the hard work. Sungjin has packed everything beforehand, so they had to load the boxes and furniture in a truck, then unload the truck at the new apartment. Definitely, it’s not as easy as it sounds, especially with Jae barely helping. Still, it’s faster having the four of them than just Sungjin by himself.

Wonpil scoffs, “He’s your friend, what does it have to do with me?”

“Stop being so mean!” He hits him on the shoulder, “You’re his friend as well!” 

That’s true. The cupid has gown to like Sungjin’s company a bit too much. That’s why he didn’t stick to only meeting him at the bar, but even outside. Since the bartender only works at night, he’s always available to join him during the afternoon in whatever useless thing he’s doing. Most of their hanging-out time is spent at the café, though, and Sungjin is already too familiar with the staff there. Even Jaebum seems to really tolerate him, and that’s saying too much. So Wonpil is close enough to Sungjin to help him now. It’s just the tiredness getting to him.

“This definitely was not in the job description,” Wonpil grumbles to himself as he walks away, to go and get another box from the truck. Jae shakes his head him with a small chuckle, then follows him. At the apartment door, he comes face to face with Brian, who’s carrying two boxes at once. As expected.

They both freeze, as if surprised to see each other. Brian smiles at him nervously, so he sends him an equally awkward one in return. He then quickly steps aside, letting him in. As soon as Brian passes by, Jae runs out of the door, not wanting to get in any kind of verbal exchange with the other.

It’s been like this between them, for days now.

The day after their hug came with a lot of regret. Jae has feared than Brian will start avoiding him afterwards, and that he had ruined their friendship by his actions. Like did he have to go and hug Brian, out of all people? He kept reprimanding himself for the whole day, gaining a lot of concerned looks from the other because of his contemplating silence -which is a totally novel sight for them. 

Great relief came along a simple text message from Brian, telling him that he’s finished with work, and that he’s on his way. None of them has mentioned the previous night -at least not the part where they hug for far longer than it’s generally accepted between friends. They both act as if no such thing has ever happened, and Jae can’t be glad enough for that. 

He knows that Brian remembers. They weren’t that drunk anyways, and the human is a heavy weight. Jae himself was barely tipsy, which makes it more complicated for him. He can’t even use it as an excuse.

Even though Brian doesn’t seem to hate him for the hug, Jae can’t completely say that it didn’t change anything between them. For instance, Brian is becoming more affectionate around him. The hug was like an authorization for him to touch Jae more. Whether it’s a hand at the small of his back when they’re walking through a busy street, or on his arm when he’s laughing too much, or his fingertips brushing Jae’s bangs out of his eyes. 

The touches are very brief, very gentle, but their effect is so hard to ignore. Something inside of Jae feels like filling up and swelling every time their skins meet, and the pattern of his heartbeats changes drastically. The feeling disappears as soon as they lose contact, and is replaced with a cold emptiness, his heart slowing down. It’s very concerning, raises a lot of questioning marks inside of his head. 

Being the intellectual he is, Jae has decided to ignore it all together. He’s got enough things to deal with,at the moment. Any additional issue could drive him to insanity. 

By the time they finish unloading the truck, they’re all starving, so Sungjin orders pizza for them. They sit down on the ground in the middle of all the boxes, and eat in silence, too exhausted and hungry to bother talking. Jae is peacefully eating his fourth pizza slice when a hand reaches to his face, and a thumb wipes the side of his lips. 

If it was anyone else, Jae is sure his body would’ve jerked violently. But his subconscious must be well aware that Brian is sitting on his side, and that he’s the only one who’d dare do such a thing. Therefore, he only freezes, his eyes moving in shock to Brian. The latter doesn’t seem to find anything wrong with what he’s just done. 

“You had a little bit of sauce,” he tells him, casually shrugging, before going back to eating.

Jae doesn’t dare talking, too many things happening inside of him. He glances back to the other two, finding Sungjin’s evil grin on him. It sets his face on fire -or maybe he’s been burning for some time now. Wonpil, on the other hand, gives them both an unexplainable gaze, something akin to concern, but Jae doesn’t dwell on it. He downs half of his cold coke in one gulp, hoping it would calm him a little bit. He can literally sense the coolness spreading through his burning body. 

_‘This is getting unhealthy,’_ he thinks, pressing the can to his flushed cheek. Sungjin winks at him, so he quietly flips him off -something he’s learned from Jinyoung. The human shakes his head, barely holding down his laughter.

Sungjin is always teasing him just like that. And that’s probably the only annoying thing about him. Otherwise, he seems to enjoy Jae’s weird behavior and doesn’t mind entertaining him in return. It’s really hard to find someone who tolerates him as much as the bartender does. Sungjin is usually very curious about the cupid’s life and the people around him, but even that doesn’t bother Jae as much as it should. Of course, he feels bad for lying when answering questions about his family and hometown -something he needn’t do with Brian cause he never asks-, but he has to do it not to raise any suspicion around himself.

After eating, they go back to work. Brian and Sungjin take on the task of reassembling the furniture, while Jae and Wonpil are left to empty the endless boxes. Jae is mindlessly stacking one of the kitchen cabinets with plates, all of his attention drawn to the continuous sound of chatting and laughter coming from the bedroom. He can’t exactly hear what they’re talking about, and it’s annoying him. He wants to eavesdrop so badly. He blames it on his need to keep the progress of their relationship in check. 

After all, it’s his sudden closeness to Sungjin that drawn the two closer to each other. Actually, the three of them seem to get along too well. Even Brian is starting to talk more, laugh more, and is being brighter in general. Still, there are no arrows in sight, and Jae is getting restless.

If Brian is going to fall for Sungjin, he better do it as soon as possible. Otherwise, Jae would have to search again for someone that would catch his attention. That would be a nightmare. There’s barely any time left.

The laughter stops momentarily, and Jae is surprised to see Brian rushing to the mountain of boxes, frantically searching for something.

“What’s wrong?” Wonpil asks with a frown, alarmed by his actions.

Brian opens one of the boxes with the label _‘Toiletry’_ on it, getting out a small box.

“I cut my hand,” Sungjin answers in his stead, walking in with a bloodied hand. 

Wonpil’s eyes widen at the sight of blood and he runs to his side to check on him.

“Are you okay?” Jae questions, he too moving closer to the injured guy.

“I’m fine, it’s a small cut,” he reassures them, “Brian just likes making a scene.”

Said guy completely ignores him, holding the hurt hand in his. He carefully cleans the blood off his palm, and frowns. 

“You got a splinter. I’ll have to take it out.”

Totally focused, he takes a tweezer and slowly pulls the small splinter out. Sungjin winces in pain when he starts cleaning the cut with alcohol. 

“Does it hurt?” Brian glances at him, looking apologetic.

“It’s supposed to hurt, just keep going.”

Sungjin sucks in a pained breath, as the other resumes disinfecting the cut. To ease some of the pain, Brian keeps blowing softy on the injury.

The scene unfolding right in front of his eyes does remind Jae of a certain moment, shared between him and Brian not so long ago. The latter was as careful and as caring when he treated the small cut on his finger. The realization that he’s nothing special doesn’t sit well with Jae. Something inside of him tugs and pulls at his heartstrings, and a need to tear Sungjin away from Brian grows inside of him at a scary speed. It’s weird, cause he knows that Sungjin did nothing wrong. And wasn’t this what he wanted in the first place? To get them together? Shouldn’t he be happy that they’re having a sweet moment? 

Jae is terrified of what he can do if he lets that feeling take over him. It’s awfully similar to when he first saw them together, five years ago. They were such a happy couple, but something inside of him kept telling him that Brian deserves betters and he’s having the same thoughts again. 

But Sungjin is by no mean a bad guy. In fact, he’s great, and Jae likes him. A lot. He sincerely considers him as one of his favorite people -not his most favorite but still ranking high on that list. 

Thus, by thinking that Brian deserves better, he means that he needs someone who’ll better understand him, and who’ll love him more. And Jae wants to hit his head against the nearest wall. Where is he supposed to find that person? He doesn’t have enough time for such a dilemma. 

For the whole time, Jae had his hands fisted by his sides, his fingernails certainly leaving crescent marks on his palms. He forcefully tears his gaze away, wishing for the thing growing inside of him to die. Wonpil notices this, and gives him a questioning frown. He just shakes his head in response. It would be a hustle to explain something he doesn’t understand himself to another person. 

When they make sure that Sungjin’s injury is well treated, they all go back to work, and this time, Jae borrows Sungjin’s earbuds and blasts music at full volume. That way, no sound of laughter would distract him or cause him any questioning feelings. 

Again, Jae convinces himself that it’s better to ignore any irrelevant issues. 

**D-49**

Not acknowledging something, it turns out, does not make it disappear. And Jae is having that ugly feeling more often than not these days. It’s the most prominent when he’s around both Sungjin and Brian, especially when they’re having a moment. At this point, Jae desperately wants Brian to fall in love so that he could stop this painful third wheeling. He’s shared his frustration with Wonpil, who seems to have an insight on the issue. 

“Maybe having you with them all the time ruins the ambiance?” He points out, having witnessed the trio’s interactions. 

“But how am I supposed to eliminate my presence?” Jae demands, “I’m the one who plans all of our hang outs. I don’t think they’d meet if not for me.”

He’s not exaggerating when he says that he’s technically their dates planner. The two humans contact him daily to know about what he’s doing, and they just tag along. It seems that they barely contact each other outside the group chat.

Wonpil pats his shoulder, “Don’t worry my friend,” he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively, “There’s a way to fix this.”

“Really?” 

“Believe me, this plan has a zero fail rate,” he’s said with all the confidence in the world. 

Wonpil’s genius plan -as he’s called it- is to ask them both to go watch a movie with him, but bail on them last minute. Simple, but effective. Hopefully. 

With the help of the mastermind himself, Jae has picked a romantic movie, and suggested going to the premier together. As usual, Sungjin agreed right away, but there was a little bit of reluctance from Brian, who eventually conceded. 

For once, all Jae has to do is stay at home and wait for them to reach the mall and call him. But he was too fidgety and nervous to stay still. That’s how he ended up going to the cinema in disguise. Originally, he didn’t feel the need to conceal his identity, too used to being unseen as a cupid. Jinyoung was the one that insisted on picking an outfit for him. He made him wear a trench coat, a black bow hat, sunglasses and a mask. 

“Make sure not to get arrested though,” was what he said to him with a mocking laugh as he sent him out. 

Jae didn’t get it at first, but seeing how humans kept giving him weird looks all along the way, and even now as he sits on a bench waiting for his two friends, he realizes how suspicious he looks. He’ll think about a revenge later.

When the two arrive, finally, he sends the text Wonpil has prepared for him to the group chat. Jae deeply prays that they’ll watch the movie, even without him around. He most fears Brian’s reaction. He’s scared that he’ll leave and ruin the whole plan. 

The cupid watches with bated breath as the two check their phones simultaneously. Brian’s face blanks out for a few seconds, before a worried frown settles on his face. He sends back a text, asking if he’s alright. Jae rolls his eyes as he reassures him through another text. He even blatantly asks them to watch the movie together, without him. 

They exchange a few more words, Sungjin looking worried as he talks. This is so frustrating! If Jae were in his cupid form right now, he’d be standing between them, leisurely listening to the whole conversation, with no one giving him any weird looks. 

At the end, Brian says something, and Sungjin smiles. Then, together, they head for the tickets booth. Jae jumps happily at that. For once, something is going the way he’s wanted it to. When he’s made sure they headed inside the theatre, he too purchases a ticket and follows them in. He chooses a seat in the back where he can watch them unsuspiciously, while they can’t see him. He takes off his glasses and mask, and leans back on his seat. 

Sungjin and Brian chatter for a while before the movie starts. Instead of watching the big screen, Jae is more interested in them. However, the longer he watches them, the more desperate he feels. As much as movies make cinema scenes romantic, nothing of that cliché shit happens. There’s no leaning against each other, no shy talks. There’s no accidental hands touching when reaching for popcorn, or intentional hands holding. The distance separating the two stays the same the whole time, no body part crossing the invisible line between them. 

Jae is practically seething after the movie, he even sends a dozen of angry text messages to Wonpil, ranting about his big failure. 

_‘Be patient. They’re still going to eat together.’_

_‘And what makes you so sure genius?’_

_‘It’s lunch time duh!’ ___

__

__As Wonpil has expected, the two do go to a fast-food parlor on the first floor of the mall to eat. Jae, back to his disguise, follows them. He decides to sit at a table outside, and watch them through the glass. Thankfully, the two seem in a good mood. The ambiance looks perfect if you ask him. Are there no cupids around to do him this favor?_ _

__

__He devours his burger and slurps on his soda, his eyes never leaving them. At least he gets to eat._ _

__

__“Ahjusshi, ”_ _

__

__The high pitched voice startles Jae out of his wits. His head whips to the side to find a small girl tugging at his coat, her big innocent eyes looking at him in anticipation. Forgetting his initial surprise, Jae smiles at the girl._ _

__

__“Yes, little kiddo?”_ _

__

__“Ahjusshi, are you a criminal?”_ _

__

__It takes Jae a moment to process her question. He releases a baffled chuckle, “No! What made you think so?”_ _

__

__Still looking innocent, she answers, “You look weird.”_ _

__

__Jae confidently points at his outfit and says, “I’m on a mission, that’s why my outfit is a bit weird.”_ _

__

__“Oh, so are you a killer? Do you kidnap little kids too?” She asks again, tone too casual considering her question._ _

__

__“What?!” he suddenly feels offended, “I told you I’m not a criminal and I’m not a dangerous person!” He defends himself._ _

__

__“Are you sure?” She gives him a suspicious look, “or are you saying that because I’m a kid?” She crosses her arms._ _

__

__“What’s wrong with you? If you think I’m that dangerous, then why are you here talking to me?”_ _

__

__The girl has the audacity to roll her eyes, “Ahjusshi, I’m not a stupid kid that will let you kidnap me.”_ _

__

__Jae takes a deep breath to control his anger._ _

__

__“First of all, I’m not _‘ahjusshi’_! You make it sound like I’m too old,” technically, yes, he is old in humans’ standards, but his current looks are still youthful, “Second, please tell me, how will you protect yourself from kidnappers when you’re this tiny?”_ _

__

__The kid smiles wickedly at him, and Jae thinks, ‘shit!’. In a fraction, her expression changes and she starts wailing loudly like there’s no tomorrow. Jae panics immediately, not knowing how to react._ _

__

__Her way turns out to be effective, because now, everyone in a two-hundred meters radius is looking at them. And in less than two seconds, a worried woman runs to the kid to comfort her and hug her. When asked why she was crying, the girl shamelessly points at him. The woman gives him a stern look and throws a few insults at him before taking her daughter and going away. People are still staring at him, and whispering among themselves. Embarrassed, he leaves the restaurant and goes to hide behind the few plants decorating the center of the plaza._ _

__

__It takes him a few minutes to recover. Jae has never realized how scary human children are before today. They’re more vicious than adults. He looks around, to make sure that no one is giving him the stink eye anymore. Before he can relax in relief, Jae suddenly remembers his mission, and the two he’s supposed to be watching right now. He can’t see them from his spot, and he can’t go back their, so he decides to wait._ _

__

__Thankfully, they exit the place only a few minutes later, both having big smiles plastered over their faces. Something good must’ve happened for them to look that happy, especially Brian. Jae doesn’t need to dwell too much on that thought. The sight of the shining arrow with the feather fetching lodged right over Brian’s heart explains everything._ _

__

_‘Oh.’_

__

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!!!!! Did you guys see that coming? Tell me what you think about this chapter in the comment section, or we can discuss it on [ twitter](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou) :p 
> 
> Anyways, I will probably sticking to an update per week from now on, so stay tuned =D 
> 
> Stay safe, healthy, and happy <3


	8. D-47: Someone Really Stupid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can you guess who's the _"really stupid someone"_? I bet you can't xD ENJOY!  
> (I just suck at naming things, okay?)

**D-47**

“Aren’t you going out with Brian today?” Youngjae questions, watching Jae carefully placing the order of table 6 on a tray. 

Without sparing him a single glance, he replies soullessly, “I don’t feel like it.” Then, he proceeds to slowly walk to the said table, all focus on keeping the tray balanced. 

Youngjae asks the same question every day. He must be sick of Jae stealing all work from him -and from all the other waiters, for the matter. Jae has been constantly serving customers from opening to closing time, only taking a break when Hyeji drags him to the break room to eat something. Rather than fearing him causing trouble, the others are just concerned about him. It shouldn’t take a genius to guess that something is wrong with him, after all.

He’s about to get another order when Wonpil curses loudly, before grabbing him by his arm, “Youngjae cover for me, I’ll be right back,” he tells the younger, “And you,” he glares at Jae, “you’re coming with me.” 

The cupid lets himself be dragged to the backyard, physically and mentally too tired to resist. Once they’re outside, Wonpil sits him down on the bench, and stands facing him, with his arms folded.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong? Or should I force it out of you?” He demands, all of his patience long gone. 

Jae wishes he has an answer to that question. All that he knows is that working himself to exhaustion is the only thing that’s keeping him from thinking about undesirable things -read as Brian and the arrow lodged in his chest. 

When he shows no sign of answering, Wonpil releases a deep sigh, then sits next to him. 

“Shouldn’t you be happy and jumping around the place like a crazy kid, now that you succeeded? Why are you so depressed?” 

“I don’t know,” he admits, frustrated, “I also thought that I’d be happy, but it’s so underwhelming?” He runs his hand through his hair, feeling more helpless.

“It was easy, too easy. Just one date and he’s in love. Now, I will certainly go back, since I fulfilled my mission,” he puts his hand over his chest, just the spot above the heart, “But something feels terribly wrong in here.”

He turns to Wonpil, looking as desperate and small as he sounds, “Did I do something wrong? Was it the wrong choice?”

Wonpil purses his lips, seemingly thinking this through, “You said Sungjin is a nice person, right?”

“He is!” Jae cries out, “And that’s the fucking problem.” 

“Calm down, okay?” He puts a hand on his shoulder, “Maybe you’re only feeling this way because you’ll be leaving soon.” 

Jae looks at him with big sad eyes, “Do you really think so? But I want to go back,” he says, even though it doesn’t sound convincing, not even to his own ears.

“I’m not saying that you like it more here, it’s just a new experience for you, maybe that’s why,” Wonpil tries to reason. Jae wonders if that’s his genuine opinion, or just a standard answer.

He shrugs, nevertheless, expression still down and depressed, “Probably.”

“I still think that you should go out instead of staying here like this,” Wonpil advices. Jae hugs his knees closer to his chest. He rather stay inside, all alone. 

Taking mercy on him, Wonpil decides not to push him any further. 

“You can stay here, but enough work for today. I’ll send you a hot chocolate. I know you love it,” he gives him one last pat on the back and an encouraging smile, before going back inside. 

Their conversation didn’t help Jae comprehend his own dilemma, but Wonpil’s attempts at comforting him are enough to boost his mood just a little. He really appreciates his friend’s effort. 

A while later, the backdoor opens and closes, so he expects it to be one of the staff bringing him his promised hot chocolate. However, when he lifts his gaze from the ground, he finds none other than Brian coming down the small staircase. Jae tenses right away at the sight of the guy. He’s been avoiding him, and ignoring all of his calls and texts for days, in hopes that he’ll leave him alone. It seems that he didn’t get the hint. 

“Hi,” Brian’s deep voice greets. Jae doesn’t answer.

“Wonpil said I’ll find you here,” he walks closer to the bench, “He asked me to give you this.” 

Brian holds out a mug of hot chocolate, and patiently waits for him to take it. It takes him a good minute to do so. Their fingers brush slightly in the process, and it sends a wave of shivers through Jae’s body. It’s too shocking of a sensation that he almost let go of the mug. Thankfully -not really-, his mind has been so out of it lately that his reflex has become slower than usual. 

He feels Brian sitting on the furthest point on the bench. Still, it’s not far enough, and Jae’s engulfed in Brian’s scent all at once. His grip around the mug tightens, and he brings it closer to his lips, taking a tentative sip. It’s still too hot. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’ve been ignoring me?” Brian finally asks, voice sounding too close.

The cupid shakes his head, “I rather not.”

Brian sighs deeply, but doesn’t lose hope. He tries another approach, “Then, why are you locking yourself here?” 

When no response comes from the other, he abruptly stands up. He grabs Jae’s free hand and starts pulling him, “Come on, let’s get you out!”

At first, Jae is taken aback, since he’s usually the one dragging the human around. To have Brian enthusiastically suggest going out is oddly delightful. He almost gives in, but the glowing thing stuck to Brian’s chest serves as a reminder to why he’s been sitting like this in the first place. Reluctant, he pulls his hand out of Brian’s grip. Not to see the human’s expression falling, he lowers his gaze, guilt filling his insides whatsoever. 

“Hyung,” Brian calls, and he can sense the concern dripping from his tone, “What’s wrong?” 

Jae takes a deep breath, gathering all the courage left in him before letting his eyes meet Brain’s. He does his best at ignoring the warmth and worry radiating from the other, and puts all of his focus on replying to his question. 

“I don’t want to bother you anymore. All this time, you’ve been taken good care of me, so thank you,” he adds with a genuine smile, albeit sad, “But I don’t want to be in your way anymore.”

The human frowns in confusion, “What are you talking about? What made you think so?” 

Jae purses his lips together, trying to think of the best way to word his thoughts, “I know about you and Sungjin, and I don’t want to third wheel anymore.”

Brian’s frown gets deeper, “I and Sungjin?? Where did you get that idea from?” 

“No need to hide it from me, I know,” he admits, but the other still seems clueless, so he adds, “You _love_ him.” 

It takes a few seconds for Brian to process his words. When he does, his expression goes from confused, to shocked, to irritated, all in a fraction of a second. If Jae didn’t have more important matters to deal with, he’d be thinking that it’s really impressive. 

“Oh so that’s what this is all about!” He releases a dry chuckle, “Now I get why you’ve gotten so close to him, and why you planned that movie date!”

“You knew?” Now it’s Jae’s turn to be shocked. It seems that his disguise was a big failure, or the plan was just too obvious. 

Brian scoffs, “Of course I knew! You were not that subtle!” 

Seething with anger, he starts pacing around, restless. Jae has never seen him like this. It’s concerning. 

“I knew that you were up to something since the very beginning,” he confesses, still refusing to look in Jae’s direction, “but I didn’t think you’d start jumping to conclusions and assuming my feeling like this!”

Suddenly, he’s face to face with Jae, barely leaving any space between them. Brian has his hand on the back of the bench to support his weight, trapping him in that small space. Jae can’t breathe.

“Let me tell you this,” he says, voice low and dangerous “I and Sungjin, we do have history, but my feelings for him are long gone. I don’t see him as more than a friend. Are we clear?” He puts emphasis on the word _‘friend’_. And Jae can see that there’s no lie in that statement. Brian is not avoiding or denying his feelings, he’s only speaking the truth. Which is only more confusing for him. 

“But- you’re in love with someone, aren’t you?” He stupidly asks, voice timid. The lack of space between them is still messing with him, making him nervous. He can almost hear his heartbeats.

All of the anger dissipates from Brian’s face at once. Now, he seems mildly disappointed, and defeated. He retreats, standing straight. Jae unconsciously exhales in relief. He finally can breathe at ease again. 

Weird enough, the human doesn’t question his speculations, nor his confidence about them. He only answers with an unparalleled certitude, “I am.” 

Still clueless, the cupid asks again, “If it’s not Sungjin, then _who_?” 

“Just someone,” he says, piercing gaze fixed on Jae, “ _Someone really stupid._ ” 

After uttering those words coldly, Brian sends him one last meaningful look -that is too soft to be called a glare-, before leaving. 

If Jae was standing at the moment, he’d definitely crumble down. Thankfully, he’s sitting, so the breaking down is a mental one instead. Brian didn’t utter a name, his answer ambiguous and left room for interpretations. However, it shouldn’t take a genius, or a lot of time to reach the right answer. The conclusion Jae comes to is anything but pleasant.

Cupid J159 -like any ordinary cupid- has spent a great part of his career judging the humans for their stupidity with anything love-related. They either overthink the situation, or totally brush it off as if it’s nothing, there’s no in between. Cupids think that the saying _‘love makes you blind’_ is an understatement. Some humans had them wishing they could actually interfere or beat some sense into them. You’d think after centuries of spreading love among the human kind, they’d get used to their absurd behavior. Unfortunately, every generation is worse then the previous one, and that’s a fact. It’s too painful to watch, really. 

So, sitting on that bench, with Brian’s words turning around and around in his head, Jae wonders if being human is what made him as stupid as he’s been so far. Like, why was it so hard for him to realize the real center of Brian’s affection? Who’s been the one invading all of Brian’s privacy for the last month anyways? Has Brian ever let someone get this close to him? Was Brian ever willing to interact with someone as he was with Jae? Of course, the answer is a no. 

Now going back to the day he got shot. Jae was there, wasn’t he? And Brian got shot when Jae was distracted by the kid. He didn’t get to see who Brian was focused on the moment it happened. And Brian obviously said that he was not so discreet, and that he’s seen him that day. 

It all fell in place perfectly, but the situation is far from being perfect. The triumph Jae should feel for succeeding is no longer worth celebrating. If anything, it’s making him extremely miserable. He was supposed to throw someone in Brian’s way. Preferably a human, and certainly not himself. 

_‘Fucking Karma!’_ He thinks, but then, “God! I’m even starting to curse like humans!”

**D-43**

It’s been days since their fight, if it can be called that. Brian hasn’t contacted him yet, and he didn’t either, for several reasons. The first is just an excuse that he gives himself, that he’s too unexperienced in reconciliation and doesn’t know how to do it. The real reason, the one he refuses to acknowledge, is that he’s yet to accept the reality of Brian’s feelings. 

He didn’t even tell anyone about it. When they asked him about his fight with Brian, he’s only told them about the human hating him interfering with his love life. Sungjin has came to check on him a few times, but Jae has shut him off as soon as he mentioned Brian. He’s scared that Sungjin will hate him if he tells him the truth. 

Jae is still busying himself by working at the coffee shop, and running errands for the staff. Night is the only time for him to physically rest, but not mentally. Even then, he keeps thinking about Brian. It’s slowly draining him. If only his problems could solve themselves by themselves. 

It’s a Saturday night, Hyeji and Wonpil are watching a movie on the TV, and they forced him to sit with them, even though they knew he won’t focus for one second on the movie. He stuffs his mouth with popcorn, drinks his soda, but his eyes never leave the black screen of his phone, that’s been resting on the table in front of him. An undefined urge to call Brian has been irking him for hours. He’s been doing a good job at ignoring it, but it’s killing him now. His fingers are restless, wanting so badly to reach for the phone. 

He’s seriously considering throwing his phone out of the window, when the screen lights up. Sungjin is calling. Before he could think it over, he slides right and answers, “Hello?”

“Jae, thank god!” Sungjin’s relieved voice greets him. By the sound of the soft background music Jae can guess that he’s at work. Now he’s feeling uneasy.

“What’s wrong?” 

A deep sigh, then, “Brian is drunk and passed out. Can you come and get him?”

“Okay,” Jae doesn’t hesitate. He’s already moving from the couch, “I’ll be there shortly.” 

Hyeji and Wonpil give him questioning looks, but he’s got no time to explain. Without bothering to change, he throws on a jacket and hurriedly goes to the bar. He finds Brian slumped against the counter, with a worried Sungjin looming over him. When he sees Jae entering, his eyes light up in relief. 

“You came!” 

Jae is kind of hurt by Sungjin’s surprised tone. Did he actually expect him not to come? To ignore Brian when he’s like that? 

“What happened?” He questions, concerned by the human’s current situation. He must’ve been drinking for too long to get that drunk.

The bartender seems to hesitate for a while, adding to his worry. 

“Sungjin,” he firmly says, pushing him to speak. 

“He’s been pretty depressed lately,” he gives him a meaningful look. It feels like he’s putting all the blame on him, as if Jae wasn’t feeling guilty enough. 

“This happened a couple of times this week, but today is the worst.” 

Jae purses his lips together. Of course, he can guess what made Brian drink himself senseless like this. He shakes the human by the shoulder, “Brian, let’s go home.” 

Thankfully, said guy perks up after the third call, his lips breaking into a huge grin, “Oh! It’s Jae hyung!” He says in an overly excited tone, “Are you here to drink, as well? Come on, let’s drink together!” He taps the stool next to him, inviting him to sit, “Sungjin what are you doing? Get him his drink!” 

“I’m not here to drink. Come on, let’s take you home,” Jae takes Brian’s arm and hooks it around his neck, he then encircles his arm around his waist to support him. Brian looks like a disappointed little kid, “Why can’t we stay longer?” He asks, pouting. 

“Cause it’s already bed time,” Jae tells him. Thankfully, the human easily complies, although reluctant. Jae waves at Sungjin, before dragging the other out of the bar. 

Brian peacefully sleeps throughout the taxi ride, but when they’re finally home, and Jae tries to get him to the shower, he refuses, and throws a huge tantrum. He’s sitting on the floor, leaning against the back of the couch, legs and arms crossed, while pouting sulkily. He’s nothing short of a big baby at the moment. _This is going to be a long night._

“Okay okay, no shower, just change your clothes,” Jae tries to persuade him, in vain. 

He grumpy shakes his head. Defeated, the cupid sits next to him, “What do you want then?” 

“I want you to stay,” Brian answers in a heartbeat. His gaze is determined, and sober. Jae knows that those words are deeper than they sound, but he decides to brush them off.

“Well, here I am. I am not going anywhere.” 

Brian shakes his head stubbornly, “You’re lying. You’re leaving,” his eyes suddenly get teary, “You’re leaving, like _them_.” 

“Them? Who?” Jae asks, trying to distract him, but mostly curious. He certainly was not ready for the other’s answer. 

“My parents, they left and never came back.” 

There’s a lot of grief weighting down on the human, that he literally looks like a kid. _A very lonely kid._

“Where did they go?” 

“To Heaven?”

Jae has always suspected that Brian doesn’t have a family. It was either that, or that he wasn’t in talking terms with them. Having his doubts confirmed, Jae feels sorry for Brian. He’s never comforted a human before -or anyone for the record-, so he doesn’t know if there’s a certain way to do it. He goes with the first thing that he can think of, taking Brian’s hands between his and holding them gently.

“When humans go to heaven, they always keep a close eye on their most beloved, so they must’ve been watching you all these years,” he gives him a tender smile, “They must be so, so proud of you.”

Brian looks at him with big sad eyes, yet shining with hope, “Really?”

Jae nods confidently, “They didn’t willingly leave you. Destiny didn’t allow them to stay longer.”

“But you’re going to leave me willingly, won’t you?”

A weird feeling pierces through Jae’s chest. He hates how he’s the reason behind Brian’s currently vulnerable state. 

“I-” he doesn’t know how to reply to that. He tries to be genuine about it, without revealing much, “I have to go too, when it’s time.”

“Even if I ask you to stay?” He questions, sounding hopeful. 

Jae shakes his head, “I can’t, I really can’t.” 

“Even if I tell you that I lo-”

Whatever Brian was going to say is blocked by Jae’s hand. The last thing Jae wants is a drunk confession. Or any kind of confession. Those words are better left unsaid. 

However, the alcohol making him bold, Brian presses a kiss into Jae’s palm. The latter is too shocked to react, and when Brian grabs his wrist and takes his hand away from his mouth, he allows it. 

The human holds his hand, letting his thumb slowly caress the back of it. The gesture is done with so much care and tenderness, that Jae can’t bring himself to move. Actually, he’s tore between wanting to push Brian away and never see him again, and pulling Brian closer and never let go of him. He can’t trust himself to choose, so he stays still, even if it feels too intimate, even if Brian is too drunk to realize what he’s doing. 

“Your hands are really soft,” Brian says, voice barely above a whisper. He then brings Jae’s hand closer to his lips, and presses a feather-like kiss to his knuckles. 

In the stillness of the night, Jae can sense his whole world shifting. All the warmth filling his heart, his confused thoughts, and bundle of contradicting emotions, everything inside of him suddenly explodes into millions of flower petals, rays of sunlight and shooting stars. 

There’s a lot of everything going inside of Jae’s heart, yet, it’s a moment of clarity for him. As if he suddenly knows all the secrets of the universe, or holds the keys to every reality in his hands. It’s overwhelming. 

Brian is now giving him the most blinding grin ever, and Jae falls into a deeper daze. His body has totally failed him, refusing to move a finger. His heart has ceased to beat all together, and he’s already out of breath. Even his brain has short circuited a long time ago, that it doesn’t take note of the additional light casted on Brian’s face. 

“Oh,” the human exclaims, looking past Jae’s shoulder.

Confused, Jae slowly turns his head back, and finally notices the unnatural glow enlightening the previously-dark room. The source of the light is a guy, standing at the opposite side. More specifically, a _cupid_. His hands are midair, holding a bow, but no arrow. The cupid’s eyes, widened in shock, are set on him. Jae himself is no less shocked than the cupid. 

The light is gone as fast as it appeared, the cupid flickering out of sight right away, leaving the aftermath for Jae to deal with. Karma is really biting him back in the ass, hard. 

His drunkenness finally catching up with him, Brian’s head heavily falls on Jae’s shoulder, his eyes closing in the process. “ _Home,_ ” he murmurs sleepily, just before slipping into a deep slumber. Jae exhales heavily. 

Taking Brian to bed is still physically challenging, even when he’s not resisting. Jae does it successfully nevertheless. A part of him wants to stay by the human’s side for the whole night, but that’s out of question. He needs to be alone for a really long time to sort his thoughts. 

At first, he thought he could walk home, but every step is harder than the previous one, as if a strong power is pulling him back, as if he’s defying all laws of gravity. It’s too exhausting, so he ends up taking the bus.

His legs are not heavy anymore, but the emotional rollercoaster he experienced earlier has came crushing on him. Now, the debris of his feelings sit at the pit of his stomach, like a stone block. Heavy and unmoving. Burdening. 

Jae spends what’s left of the night on the rooftop of the Cupid Café. Rooftops have been his thinking place for all of his life, it shouldn’t fail him right now. However, when the sunlight creeps up the sky, and he’s no less of a mess than a few hours ago, he decides that the place is not the problem. The problem lays within him. On the upper left side of his chest, to be more specific. 

When he gets down, he finds Hyeji and Wonpil already awake. Or maybe they didn’t sleep, judging by the new presence sitting with them. Jae has only seen him for a fleeting second, but he recognizes him right away. The lack of the glow, the wings, bow and quiver is highly expected.

“Jae,” Hyeji starts, gaze shifting between the two in hesitance, “This is-”

“I know,” Jae snaps, his helplessness and confusion converted into fury and irritation. The guy shrinks under his deathly glare, looking extremely guilty.

No one speaks another word for a few seconds, and Jae takes that chance to storm to his room and lock himself there. He really doesn’t wish to see anyone for whatever is left of his suspension period. 

The most maddening part is that amidst all of this, his mind is more concerned whether _‘anyone’_ encompasses Brian or not. 

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you reached this far, I sincerely hope you are okay hehe 
> 
> All of this was expected to happen, I guess. Tell me what you think about it in a comment ^__^ 
> 
> Thank you guys for supporting and reading my story <3 <3 I hope y'all safe and healthy!! BE HAPPY <3 <3 <3


	9. D-36: Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I repeat, this is not a date!

**D-40**

When Jae spends two days locked in his room, refusing to see or talk to anyone, no one dares to defy his wishes. It seems that they understand his struggles, and how much he’s in need of some time to collect himself. Or they just don’t want to deal with an emotionally unstable cupid. 

To say that he’s been a mess would be an understatement. Reality has been giving him a slap after another lately. First, he had Brian falling for him, then he has been shot with an arrow himself. Not to mention his dispute with Brian, and the cupid-turned-human now living with them. It’s all too much for someone who’s not used to feel anything as much as hunger or thirst. The shock, the confusion, the guilt, the longing, the helplessness, the anger, are all too intense for him to deal with. Still, no one can help him go through this. It’s his own fight.

On the third day of his self-lockdown, a timid knock interrupts his endless, yet useless deep thoughts. He doesn’t question who’s at the door, and the person knocking does not try to enter, knowing very well that the door is locked form inside. Instead, he hears an unknown, deep voice calling, “Jae hyung,” -this must be the newcomer, that he’s yet to officially meet and know his name- “you have a visitor.” 

Jae has a hunch who is it, which makes him more determined not to answer. He buries himself deeper under the cover and curls on himself. Maybe if he does so they won’t be able to find him. 

The moments of dreadful silence is soon replaced by urgent and loud knocks, “Hyung, it’s me! Open the door!” 

It is Brian after all. If Jae ignores him again, will he leave him alone? With bated breath, he waits for the next action of Brian from the other side of the door. The cowardliness proved to be a feature that comes with being human. 

“Please, I just want to talk,” he begs, voice much more lower than earlier, as if the door was a little bit thicker, Jae doubts he could’ve heard him. 

“Jae,” he softly calls again, and said guy feels his resolve crumbling down. Summoning some of his cupid courage, he slowly creeps from under the covers, for once considering opening the door. 

“I will wait here until you come out, then,” Brian announces, and he could feel his determination even without seeing his face. He doesn’t need to see him to understand him, after all. 

It takes Jae a good ten-minute to make up his mind, analyzing all the possible outcomes of facing the human. With shaking hands, he unlocks the door and opens it. When his eyes automatically meets Brian’s, he starts regretting his decision. The human’s face is unsmiling, hard and frowning. But his eyes _-God his eyes-_ are oozing with concern and care, and Jae can’t hold the eye contact any longer. His heart is suddenly beating faster than it’s allowed. He’s spent three days locked in a small room, and only now does he feel the suffocation. 

He walks past Brian in a hurry, needing to get outside as soon as possible. The guy follows him silently, even though he didn’t ask him to. The closest and most open spot Jae can think of at the moment is the rooftop, and to the rooftop he goes. He breaths the fresh cold air in and out, in and out, until the load clogging his airways shrinks and allows him to breath. 

They’ve been outside for a while when Brian finally speaks, “Are you feeling better now?” 

Not trusting his voice, Jae nods curtly. He still can’t meet the other’s eyes. 

“Hyung,” he starts hesitantly. Coming here to talk must’ve been hard on him. Jae wonders if he’s spent the last two days hidden under covers, as well. At least he’s more courageous than Jae, and has made the first step. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you like that the other day,” his voice loaded with guilt and regret, making Jae shake his head, persistently.

“That was stupid of me, it was my fault,” he admits. This seems like a good start. 

“I know you meant well.”

Brian must trust him too much to say that. 

“And about that night,” he clears his throat, nervous, “I don’t remember much, but I must’ve scared you away, I-”

Jae lifts his hand, stopping him from apologizing again. 

“You were drunk and you didn’t do anything wrong, so don’t worry,” he dares to lock gazes when he says it, hoping it will reassure the other. 

Brian smiles weakly, but it quickly falls down, a concerned frown clouding his forehead, “The others told me you’ve been isolating yourself for the last few days,” He hesitates before asking, “Was it because of me?”

_‘Even if it’s your fault, I would never blame you for it,’_ Jae wants to say, but can’t. He sticks to shaking his head with a smile, “It’s nothing, don’t worry. I just needed time to think, but I’m better now.” 

Although not totally convinced, Brian still nods understandingly, smiling nervously. Weird enough, Jae feels much better. It seems that he needed Brian’s help, after all. _No one else’s but Brian’s._

“Are you free? Do you wanna have lunch with me?” Jae suggests, not even sure what time of the day is it. Only now does he realize that he didn’t eat a thing for the past few days, and that he’s hungry. The only thing that kept him a live for two days was a bottle of water that got locked inside with him. 

“But you have to wait until I wash up,” he adds, suddenly feeling gross as well. High-maintenance body, remember?

Brian’s hesitant smile gets more confident, and wider, “Take your time. _I’ll wait._ ” 

-

“Look who’s finally out.”

Jae thought he could sneak in without anyone seeing him. He’s surprised to see all the employees of the Cupids’ Affairs office, as well as the new tenant, waiting for him. Hyeji has her arms crossed, obviously displeased. 

“Don’t you think it’s time to talk?” 

Knowing that there’s no running away now, Jae obediently sits next to Jinyoung, and says, “Okay, let’s do this.” 

His eyes unconsciously stray to the new guy, so Wonpil introduces him, “This is Dowoon,” said guy waves shyly at him. He looks like he wants to be anywhere but here though. 

“His real identity is-” Wonpil tries to add, but he blanks out for a second, so he turns to Dowoon, “what did you say your cupid name was again?” 

“Cupid D2595,” the guy stammers, shrinking further under all the eyes on him. 

“Right, and he’s like you- maybe not? He’s more like me, I guess?” Wonpil stops to think, putting a finger on his chin.

Jinyoung rolls his eyes, “He’s human now, that’s what Wonpil wants to say.”

Now that the anger is gone, and he’s more stable, Jae’s actually feeling sorry for the guy.

“You went through trial, right?” He questions, knowing the procedure all too well, “For shooting a cupid?”

Dowoon’s eyes widen in shock by the straightforwardness of the question, before he lowers his head in shame and nods. That’s when Hyeji interferes. 

“You were in your human form, that’s why he didn’t know that you were a cupid. That’s also why he didn’t get the extreme punishment,” she explains coolly, as if it’s the most trivial thing ever. Jae is now fuming by the absurdity of the situation.

“Isn’t that plain stupid?” He protests, loud enough to make the new guy jump, “Shouldn’t they expect such things to happen? Why does he and I get to deal with something that’s not even our faults?” 

Hyeji releases a deep sigh, “This is beyond me Jae,” she admits, helpless, “I’m just here to help you go through your suspension period, and help cupids like Dowoon adapt.”

He can see that she’s sorry about the overall deal, and he feels bad for lashing out on her when it’s not even her fault. It’s more frustrating when he doesn’t know who to blame, whatsoever. 

“What am I supposed to do now?” He slumps back, defeated and tired of this bullshit. 

“You’re not the first, nor the last cupid to be shot,” Hyeji clears out, “ _This_ changes nothing,” she puts emphasis on the statement, her eyes determined. It’s a warning. 

“I’m not really sure about that,” he retorts, averting his gaze away. Jinyoung gives him a look of pity, while Wonpil seems to be as pissed as him. Neither of them voice their thoughts, anyways. 

“Jae,” Hyeji calls his name firmly, “This is serious. Anything above friendship between you and Brian will cause grave consequences, for both of you. Especially you.” 

The implied meaning behind _‘grave consequences’_ is as obvious as the day. It’s not that Jae has been planning to confess for the human, or act on his feelings in any way. 

“Just bear with it for the time left, okay?”

Jae shrugs, maybe a bot too casually for a serious situation like this, “I guess I can do it. Not that I got that much time left.”

That’s what Jae says, full of confidence. A few days later, however, he discovers that he’s been bluffing. 

At first, he’s just glad that after all the mess that has happened, he and Brian were able to restore their platonic friendship. They still hangout together, and mostly alone -Sungjin has been suspiciously busy lately. Jae is still as insufferable as ever, and Brian as reserved as ever. But sometimes, just sometimes, Brian does slip and says or does something extremely sweet that gets Jae’s heart skipping too many beats, that he soon loses count of. 

Jae, being a cupid, blames all of his heart’s shenanigans on the arrow. He can’t be feeling that much without a catalyst. It’s impossible. Anyways, it’s making him waver. Brian is making him waver. Aunt Hyeji will certainly be displeased if she knows how many times a day he imagines himself and Brian being more than friends. 

After some time, he decides that what she doesn’t know, won’t kill her, and so he leaves his thoughts and desires for himself. 

**D-36**

“You’re going to be late for your date,” Wonpil points out, when he finds Jae still fixing his outfit in front of the mirror.

That remark has flustered him the first and second time, but hearing it for the tenth time just makes him roll his eyes.

“Again, it’s not a date,” he insists. 

“Keep telling yourself that,” Wonpil retorts, unconvinced. 

Brian has got these free tickets to an attraction park, and didn’t have anyone to go with, so he asked Jae to accompany him -he was blushing at the time, but that’s an irrelevant detail. Since he’s told them about it, Jinyoung and Wonpil had kept saying that it’s a date. Jae doesn’t think so. Dates are for couples, which they are not. _Can’t be._

The human comes to pick him up, as usual, and Jae tries his best to ignore how good he looks, or how he’s wearing that jean jacket he got for him. It fits him so well. Jae also ignores how deep Brian’s arrow has gotten, now only the feather fetching visible. Brian can’t possibly be that deeply in love with him. It’s a _frightening_ thought.

The attraction park is enormous, packed with people, sounds and smells. Jae only considered coming here to play, but it seems he’s going to do much more than that. Choosing where to start is already a struggle. 

“What do you think we should start with?” 

Weird enough, Brian looks anything but excited. He’s analyzing the park’s map with an almost panicked expression. 

“Which one do you want to try first?” He asks, letting Jae choose for them. 

Without losing any more time, he grabs Brian’s hand and drags him to the closest ride. 

“Y-you want me to ride this?” Brian points at the pirate ship ride, his face paling with every passing second. 

Jae grins devilishly, “We’re already waiting in line, aren’t we?” 

He could see how Brian’s Adam’s apple bobs up and down as he gulps in fear. 

“No need to be so nervous, I’m here, so don’t worry,” he puts his hand on his shoulder to reassure him, the amusement never leaving his face.

When they get on the ship, Brian insists on sitting in the middle row, so Jae complies, albeit disappointed. He really wanted to sit at one of the extremes. That didn’t stop him from enjoying the ride and scream his lungs off, although he can’t say the same about Brian. The latter was oddly silent the whole time, hands gripping the railing like a lifeline, and eyes closed. What’s left of color on his face after the pirate ship disappears as soon as he sees the rollercoaster. 

“There’s no way I’m riding that,” Brian refuses to even look at the mountainous ride, “Not in a million years, no!” 

Jae will have to beg, it seems.

“Oh come on!” He whines, “I really want to try it.”

“But I don’t,” Brian deadpans, not budging.

“What’s the point of coming here together then?” Jae pulls out his ultimate weapon, a huge pout, “It won’t be as fun without you.”

Brian gives him a side look, his resolution visibly crumbling a little bit.

“Pretty please?” Jae adds in a little cute voice, and that’s the last blow. 

Brian sighs deeply. He finally gives in, with a mumbled, “I’m so going to regret this.”

Jae jumps excitedly, thanking the other repeatedly. He doesn’t get why Brian was so against it in the first place. As a consequence, while Jae was having the time of his life on that rollercoaster, Brian was as rigid as a wood plank, his eyes tightly shut. Jae thinks he stopped breathing all together at some point. 

When they got back on the ground, Brian has to sit down for a while because his legs were wobbling so badly that he couldn’t walk. Jae offers him a bottle of water, the worry finally kicking in. He takes it with a shaking hand, and slowly takes a few sips. Even his lips had lost their usual rosiness. 

“Do you need something else? Maybe something sweet?” Jae highly suspects that his blood sugar level has went down.

Brian shakes his head, “I’ll be fine, just give me a minute,” he reassures, his breathing finally evening out. Jae sits next to him, still watching over him anxiously.

“I’ve always been scared of heights,” the human admits with a chuckle after a while. It doesn’t sound as amused as he meant it to be. 

Well, that’s a new discovery for the cupid. He feels that he should apologize for missing such an important detail about the other, so he does. 

“I didn’t know, I’m sorry.” 

Brian’s head whips in his direction, alarmed, “Why would you be? It’s not your fault!”

Jae ignores him and moves on to the scolding phase, “Why would you bring me here if you’re scared of heights?” 

“I thought that maybe you’d like it here,” Brian says, honest. He then smiles knowingly at him, “I wasn’t wrong.”

Jae can sense the beginning of a blush working its way up his neck, and it’s getting hard to hold his lips from curving upwards. He tries not to stray from the main issue. “Still, you shouldn’t agreed to go on the rollercoaster with me.”

For the first time since he’s known him, Brian rolls his eyes. Is Jae starting to rub on him? This is going to be a problem, it seems. But that’s not what’s most important right now, because Brian’s reply is more shocking than his eye roll.

“You know I can’t say no to you. You explore that weakness of mine too well,” he says with a smirk, and Jae feels like a deer caught in headlight, probably looks like one. 

“I’m- I didn’t- It’s not-” words fail him, and he can’t from a coherent excuse, or an explanation, at least. His cheeks are literally burning at this point. Brian still got the audacity to laugh at him. 

“I’m just messing with you,” he says, ruffling his hair, still flashing him a wide grin and his perfect set of teeth. 

Jae is still frozen on his spot, even when the other is back on his feet, seeming perfectly fine. Teasing the cupid must’ve helped him recover faster. _Asshole!_

“I’m better now. We can continue,” he pulls him by his arm, forcing him to stand up as well, “But I get to choose the next ride!” He announces, and Jae has no mind to oppose him. Not that he’s able of any thinking, at the moment.

The rapid river ride is not the most exciting thing he’s ever tried, but it’s still fun. Both of them get to enjoy it, nevertheless. They then take a small break because kid Jae makes another appearance at the sight of cotton candy. He goes through a small mental breakdown at how sweet the candy is and how it melts immediately in his mouth. As usual, Brian acts as the adult and refuses to buy one for himself, claiming that it’s for kids, but steals a few bits whenever Jae is distracted. 

“What do you want to try now?” Brian questions, as they walk aimlessly. Jae scans the map in his hand thoughtfully. He eliminates the kids rides, the ones they’ve tried so far, and the too high ones. He’s not left with much.

After long minutes of contemplation, he points to a certain spot, “This one?” 

When Brian’s expressions brightens happily, he knows he’s made the right choice. He smiles back, “Haunted house it is then!”

-

“OH MY!!” Jae jumps for the hundredth time. Everything around him is dark and spooky. He’s afraid of taking another step in this creepy place, not knowing what scary creature will jump in his face this time. 

“Brian? Where are you?” He calls desperately, then weakly whimpers, “I’m so scared.”

Something suddenly touches his arm and he’s freaking out again, “Don’t touch me, please,” his hand jerks away and he takes a step back, eyes shut.

“It’s okay, it’s me,” Brian’s soothing, clear voice reassures him, so he pries his eyes open. And it’s true, even in the darkness he can still see the shining arrow, and the dazzling eyes.

“Where have you been?” Jae doesn’t mean to, but his nerves finally crash on him and open a faucet of tears, “I was so scared.”

Brian’s hand reaches for his again, “It’s okay, I’m here now,” he intertwines their fingers, “Let’s get you out of here, okay?” 

To ensure that he won’t lose the human again, Jae tightens his grip on Brian’s hand, while his other hand grabs his upper arm. He follows with closed eyes as Brian navigates the corridors for the exit. He tries to ignore all the creepy voices and sounds around them, and to focus on the other’s reassuring voice. 

“You can open your eyes now.” 

He complies, and a blinding light greets him. Finally light! He releases a deep, relieved sigh, now that he’s outside, and safe. The haunted house was a very big mistake, he concludes. 

Cupids are descendants of Heaven. Dark, scary creatures are things they never had to encounter. Of course, after living in the human world for a while, they’re more familiar with how humans portraits demons, monsters, and the likes, but it doesn’t mean that they tolerate them any better. So it’s very understandable for Jae to get shaken by their horrifying appearances. 

When he finally calms down, he realizes that he’s been leaning against Brian’s side, his forehead pressed against his shoulder, with both his hands still gripping his arm. Panicking, he jumps a step back, loosening his grip on the other. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, for what? He’s not really sure. Brian doesn’t seem bothered by the physical proximity. Of course he’s not. 

“Are you okay now?” He asks instead, a hint of concern still lingering on his features. 

“Yeah, much better,” Jae smiles shyly, “Thanks, for getting me out of there.”

Brian’s small smile turns into something mischievous, “Why choose the haunted house if you’re easily scared?” 

Jae pouts sulkily, “I didn’t know it would be that scary.”

The other finally lets go of the laugh he’s been holding down, worsening his pout. 

“There are still other rides that I want to try,” he warns, wiping the smile from Brian’s face at once.

“Really?” He looks genuinely scared now, so Jae decides to have pity on him. He shakes his head.

“Let’s go eat. I’m staving!” 

This time, Brian is the one who insists on trying almost every food cart available. It’s really amazing how much food that guy can stuff in his stomach in record time. For some reason, eating with Brian enhances Jae’s appetite and he ends up eating double the amount he usually eats, even if it’s gross. When full, and the idea of going on any ride makes them sick, they decide to check the gift shops. 

The cupid is too excited that he wants to try everything in sight. At first, Brian let him be, but when it got too much, he started preventing him from touching anything. 

“But look,” he picks an orange headband with two fox ears, “This will look so good on you!” He tries to put it on Brian’s head but he dodges it. 

“You’ve said that about ten different headbands,” he points out, “You’re just trying to mess with me, aren’t you?” He glares at him, so Jae gives him his most innocent expression.

“What about you pick one for me, and I for you? That way we’ll be even,” he suggests with big, pleading eyes. 

It takes exactly three seconds for Brian to give in with a mumbled, “Again, using my weakness.” 

He gives a quick scan for the shelves before picking a white headband with a halo on top. Grinning playfully, he puts it on Jae’s head.

“Wow,” he exclaims, “It fits you so well.”

When Jae sees his reflection on the mirror, an unexplained sadness washes over him. “I never had a halo before,” he says, voice small, _‘but I had wings, big white ones,’_ he wants to add, but he keeps that thought for himself. He reminisces the times he could fly wherever he wanted, how free it felt to be up in the sky, among the clouds, watching the city from above. 

“It must’ve really hurt when you fell from Heaven,” Brian comments, and it doesn’t even sound teasing. But Jae is too distracted to mull over it, even his reply is thoughtless, “Not really, but that rock hit me really ha-” 

Once his words catch up to him, he tries to mask his panic with a playful grin, and turn it into a joke. He chuckles at Brian’s deep frown, “If I’m the angel, then we should get you the devil horns, I bet they’ll suit you very well.”

Brian releases a small sigh, then snorts. He actually takes the joke seriously and ends up with a headband with two red horns on his head. To commemorate their silly purchases, and this day in general, they go inside a photo booth and take an excessive amount of pictures. They alternate between looking serious, and making silly faces and poses. 

“We should split these,” Brian has a wide grin on as he goes through the small pictures. It’s very endearing, and Jae’s heart is tugging restlessly. 

“You can keep them all.” 

The human gives him a concerned, yet understanding gaze. He doesn’t ask, just nods. To alleviate the tension, Jae steals one picture of the other’s hand, “Or maybe I’ll keep this one.” 

In the picture he picked, Brian is holding up a strand of Jae’s hair with two fingers, while Jae is pulling at his ear. It’s very contradictory. The one with the angel’s halo got the most devilish expression ever, while the one with the horns looks in pain. 

“It’s so cute,” he adds with a fond smile. 

If he catches Brian staring at him in the same way he’s gazing at the picture, he doesn’t let himself dwell on it. He’s been on the receiving end of that gaze too many times already, and he might like it a bit too much. Jae is well aware that they’re subtly getting past the just friends stage -they’re obviously on a date-, and that Brian is not the only one yearning for more. Still, Jae can’t afford being greedy, he has to do with what he already has. He’ll cherish this friendship and this picture till the time he has to leave. Then, he will give it back to its rightful owner. 

It’s dark before they realize it, so they agree on one a last ride. Brian suggests the Ferris wheel, but Jae insists on the carrousel. Even though he visibly relaxes at Jae’s choice, Brian still comments on how they’re the only adults in line -they’re not-, but that’s about it. He excitedly mounts a horse and urges Jae to sit on the one next to him. He even snaps them a selfie before it starts turning around. Jae is happy to see him finally letting go and enjoying the moment, a rare sight.

Brian promised to buy him dinner, but then it started raining and every nearby restaurant was packed to the brim, so he invited him over to his apartment. Jae is kind of happy by this outcome. This way he’ll have the human cooking for him again. This time, however, he doesn’t ask for his help, instead he lets him loiter around.

“Today was fun, right?” Jae asks, leaning on the kitchen counter, watching Brian skillfully cutting the meat into small, identical pieces. 

The human smiles widely, “Yes it was.”

“Even the rollercoaster?” He asks, teasing him. 

“I enjoyed everything, expect that!” Brian chuckles, “I still can’t believe you made me try it, though,” he shakes his head, smiling nevertheless.

“Well, as they say, YOLO,” Jae cheekily retorts. 

He annoys Brian a little longer before he decides to move to the living room, “I’m going to wash something until you finish.”

“I’m almost done, don’t fall asleep!” 

“I won’t!” 

Jae flops on the couch, and turns the tv on. He flips through the channels in search of something interesting, but he’s never been a big fan of tv anyways. So, he settles on a music show, trying to vibe with the song playing. At this point, he’s very tired and almost dozing off, but he won’t let himself fall asleep after being warned by Brian. To keep himself up, he stands up and rounds the room a few times. He knows every inch of this apartment by heart, so there’s nothing new to discover. He even got the names of the books on the shelves, as well as their order, memorized. 

A series of different sketchbooks is occupying a whole shelf. Jae has watched Brian drawing on these sketchbooks multiple times, but he’s barely given the sketches themselves any attention. Maybe this is his chance to see them up close. He carefully picks one and start flipping through it. 

The human is really talented, it turns out. He knows how to catch the raw beauty of things and translate them into monochromatic drawings. Most pages are filled with sceneries or simple objects. Some are complete, and some are not. Sometimes when he’s struggling with a certain detail, Brian keeps repeating it, and trying until he’s satisfied with the outcome.

Finishing with that one, Jae puts it back and picks another sketchbook. And repeats. He’s been through four very similar sketchbooks when an unfamiliar one catches his attention. It’s sitting at the end of the row, and he can’t remember seeing Brian using it before. His hazy memory tells him that it’s the same one he was using at the hospital room back then. It can be wrong, though. Anyways, he opens it, casually, not really expecting it to be any different from the previous ones. 

However, from the first page, he’s certain that this one is special. For instance, it’s filled with unfinished drawings of body parts. Hands, arms, eyes, lips. Then, slowly and steadily, those parts start forming the upper half of a body, then the whole body. 

A faceless body with _wings. Beautiful, big wings._

Halfway through, Brian starts focusing solely on the face, obviously trying to get every single detail right. That’s when Jae’s flipping gets more frantic, despite the voice inside of his head begging him to stop. Why stop when he’s almost certain about what awaits him on the final page. 

His heart and movements come to a momentary stop when he reaches the last page of the sketchbook. There, on that pristine white page, and in elegant charcoal lines, there’s the body of a slender, tall guy, with wings, a bow and a quiver. The face is complete as well, and unmistakably, that’s _Jae’s face._

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really satisfied with this chapter, but I couldn't delay this update cause I won't have another day to update this week. At least you got a cliffhanger at the end :p I've been keeping hints around but I'm not sure you guys caught them, so tell me if you did =D
> 
> Till next week, stay safe, healthy, and happy <3 <3 <3


	10. D-35: Afraid

**D-35**

Cupids cannot sleep, that’s common knowledge. But when Cupid J159 took his human form, he experienced first hand the wonder of sleep, how his body would get tired easily, and how his eyes would close as soon as his head hit the pillow. It was weird to lose conscious for several hours, just to wake up more energized. After a few weeks of being a human, however, he got used to it and grew to appreciate it more. 

Still, dreams were a luxury to him. And what he definitely didn’t expect, was for his first dream ever, to be a bad one. 

Jae wakes up with a start, drenched in sweat, a silent cry hanging on his lips. Albeit the shivers racking his body, he’s feeling feverish. His eyes are puffy and refuse to open, while his head is heavy. Regardless of his state, Jae is well aware that this bed is not his, and that it got another occupant other than him. 

A wave of severe pain pierces through his head, and he can’t help but release a loud whimper, causing the body by his side to stir awake.

“Hyung? Are you okay?” A cold hand settles on his forehead, sending another shiver down his body. 

“You have a fever. It must’ve been the rain.” 

The hand is gone along with the warm body, and Jae is kept trembling under the cover. 

“I’ll get you something to eat and see what we got for fever, I’ll be right back,” the voice promises softly. 

Jae opens his eyes just in time to see the body leaving the room. He heaves a sigh and turns his gaze to the ceiling. Wonpil’s room is less plain than the guest room he’s staying in right now, the walls painted a soft sky blue, with some white pattern on one wall resembling the clouds. 

_‘He must be missing flying,’_ he thinks, gloomy.

He, then, remembers what woke him up. If not for the sight of the foreign ceiling and the burn in his eyes, his mind would still be thinking that it was just a bad dream. The pain inside of his chest asserts him that it was _a memory_. It also reminds him of the reason why he’s not in his bed and room, and why he’s sought the warmth and comfort of someone other than the person his heart yearns for. 

The sight turns blurry. Jae blinks, letting the tears slide down the sides of his face. The blurriness does not go away, only getting worse, the more he thinks about the previous night. 

-

__

_“Hyung did you sleep? I’ve been calling you-”_

_The sketchbook slips out of his hands as he looks up in panic, finding Brian frozen on the door of the living room. He doesn’t know what to do better than to fly out of the apartment. He wishes he could actually fly right now._

_There’s a long pause, as they both stare at each other. Brian must be noticing how shocked and betrayed Jae is feeling right now. A lot of other things must be showing on his face as well, feelings he can’t process at once. Maybe that’s why it takes Brian a long time to utter a single word, but Jae can’t wait any longer and his body is already seeking the front door._

_“Hyung wait, let me explain, I-” Brian finally snaps out of his shock, still, Jae doesn’t stop to hear his explanation as he slams the door shut and runs away at full speed._

_It’s still raining heavily outside, and Jae runs and runs. He doesn’t know where he wants to go. All the air on Earth doesn’t seem enough to fill his lungs and clear his head, and despite his relatively slow pace, he still finds the ground not wide enough to contain him and his heart. It’s at this moment that he wishes he could spread his wings and fly the most, but they’re merely dark ink lines on his back. They’re useless. Just like him._

_His legs fail him pretty soon, and he’s drenched to the bone, so he takes shelter in a bus station. It’s dark and late, and because of the weather, there is barely a soul around. Jae drops on the bench, body heavy by his soaked clothes and his distressed heart._

_In such situation, millions, if not more, of questions should be swimming around his head. However, his mind is currently unable of following a reasonable trail of thoughts. It only starts processing the fact that Brian knows that he’s a cupid, then it short-circuits. Not even a single questions arises within his brain. It’s probably for the better._

_The insufferable silence of Jae’s numb mind is interrupted by the loud sound of splashing and deep breathing._

_“I- foun-d y-ou.”_

_The familiar deep voice brings him to his senses. He abruptly stands up, and Brian is there, doubled-over himself, trying to catch his breath. He’s no less drenched than Jae, his dripping hair stuck to his forehead and his clothes are disheveled. It’s only been a few minutes since he’s last seen him, yet, he looks like he’s been through hell._

_Even so, Brian is totally mindless of his messy state, all of his focus on Jae. There’s worry and guilt in his gaze, and he looks like he wants to say a lot, but something is holding him back._

_Jae wants to take mercy on him and stay. He doesn’t think either of them will survive another chase, anyways. However, he’s not ready for this confrontation, and his body is acting on its own once again, turning around to leave. A hand circling around his wrist is what stops him. Brian still doesn’t say anything, but when Jae turns and meets his pleading eyes, he doesn’t find it in himself to leave._

_Jae stands still, only after freeing his hand from Brian’s grasp and taking a step back. A distance. He should keep a distance._

_Brian takes a ragged breath before speaking up, “About the sketches-”_

_“Where did you get the idea to draw them from?” Jae cuts in, straight to the point. This is not the time for long stories, or excuses. And his mind has finally conjured a question._

_“My memory,” comes Brian’s answer. Loud and clear. No hesitation, no lies. Wouldn’t it be better, had he lied?_

_“At first I thought they were all dreams, but now I’m sure it was a reality,” he pauses, his gaze and voice softening. And then, in a relieved voice, he says, “You are real.”_

_Jae takes another step back. He can’t decide what’s making his body shiver more, the coldness caused by the rain hitting his back, or the truth._

_“So, you know what I am?” He manages to ask, in an almost composed manner. Almost._

_A nod._

_The cupid inhales sharply, begging for his last bit of calmness not to desert him, “Since when?”_

_He’s starting to sound more frantic, but Brian doesn’t seem to mind. He contemplates for a second before saying, “I had my doubts after you saved me, then I figured it out, little by little.”_

_That means since the very beginning. He’s knew all this time, and Jae was obviously and stupidly trying to hide his true identity. The barely tamed rage inside of him make him tremble, wanting to break free. His hands curl into fists by his sides, knuckles turning white._

_“Then you know why I am here?” Jae demands, voice shaking with anger -or maybe something way deeper._

_“No. But I’m almost sure that you’re like this because of me,” Brian answers, still maintaining his resolved, and collected demeanor, as if it’s everyday that he encounters a cupid._

_Jae seriously wants to let go of his fury and to lash out on the human. He wants to yell and curse at him, hit him, if needed. Brian seems to be ready for that kind of reaction, anyways, to accept it all with an unbudging body and an apology._

_However, Jae’s rigid, shaking body takes a defeated stance, his shoulders dropping and fists loosening up._

_“And you know that I’m leaving.”_

_Even if the sudden change in Jae’s behavior is unexpected, Brian gives him a nod._

_“I do.”_

_“You know that I can’t stay,” Jae states, voice weakened by the cruelty of his newest realizations. The realization that Brian has long accepted his fate, that Brian still wants to love Jae regardless of everything._

_That Jae has stolen all of Brian’s happiness._

_“If you know then why did you-” Jae wants to scold him but cuts himself before he breaks down in tears. This is not the time for a breakdown. This is not about him._

_He inhales deeply to calm his heart, before he tells him, “You shouldn’t have developed any feelings for me.”_

_Brian shakes his head with a bittersweet smile. How can he still smile in such situation is still beyond Jae._

_“Loving you is not easy, but it’s worth it. You are worth it.”_

_The sudden direct confession shocks Jae. Not that Brian’s feelings are news to him. Even so, hearing it coming directly from Brian’s lips makes his body shiver and his knees weaken. For the lack of something to hold onto, Jae hugs his jacket closely to his body, willing for it to cover him whole and make him disappear into thin air. This situation is inevitable, it turns out, and Jae needs to keep his ground for the time being._

_“For once, I’m following what my heart wants, and it wants you,” Brian says, smiling and hopeful. And yet, his voice is vulnerable and soft. Desperate._

_It’s almost enough to break down the last bits of Jae’s resistance. He averts his gaze, avoiding Brian’s eyes. He’s already feeling at the edge, any soft breeze would push him off._

_“What about your heart Jae, what does it want?”_

_That question was not a soft breeze. It was a blazing storm, and Jae is falling down. Even then, he doesn’t want to drag Brian with him. The human still has a chance, hopefully._

_“I don’t want to hurt you,” he breathes out weakly, voice trembling, just like his heart._

_Brian frowns,“You won’t. Never.”_

_“I can’t give you what you want, or what you deserve,” he tells him, because Brian deserves the world. He deserves someone that will love him as much as he loves them. Someone who’s human. Someone that’s not Jae._

_Brian takes a steadfast step forward, but stops when Jae simultaneously takes one backwards. His strong gaze does not waver as he speaks his words clearer than the day,“You’re all I want.”_

_Jae can see that he means every word. And it only hurts more, because no matter what, he can’t accept the human’s feelings._

_“I can’t, Brian,” Jae shakes his head, his tears already falling. No, he’s not crying for himself._

_“I’m sorry,” he takes a few steps back, now fully under the rain,“I can’t.”_

_This time, when Jae runs away, Brian doesn’t call after him, or follow him. Still, Jae runs further, his tears mingling with the rain. His legs and lungs beg him to stop, but he doesn’t until he reaches the door of his house._

_Thankfully, he finds Wonpil there to deal with his broken pieces. He helps him change into dry clothes, then offers him his bed and arms for comfort. Without asking any questions, he wipes his tears and hugs him to sleep._

__  
-

When Wonpil comes back with Jae’s breakfast and fever pills, he finds Jae curled on himself under the cover, sobs racking his body in waves. He rushes to his side in panic, raps his arms around is body, and starts whispering comforting words to him, just like he did last night.

“Shhh, it’s okay,” he caresses his hair, “You will be okay.”

It only worsens Jae’s state. He knows that he will be okay, but what about Brian? What will happen to him? He’ll never be the same, ever again. 

“I don’t want to stay,” Jae says, between broken sobs. 

“I know, I know,” Wonpil’s fingers keep brushing his hair. 

Jae has convinced himself since day one that staying was out of question. He couldn’t imagine himself living the rest of his life as anything else but a cupid. That was the life he promised himself, and yet…

“But I don’t want to leave him.”

Funny how his ticket out is what’s making him want to stay the most. He did find Brian’s true love, after all. A successful mission meant going back to his previous life. 

If only that was what he really wants. 

He doesn’t know if Wonpil catches his words, for how weak and disconnected they’ve came out. The hand in his hair stops momentarily, and that’s probably a sign that he did. There’s a long moment of stillness, before Wonpil speaks.

“You know that that’s not an option, right?” 

Pitifully, Jae looks up at him and nods, his sobs subsiding and his breathing calming down. He doesn’t think he’s got enough energy to cry anymore. 

“You’ve successfully achieved your mission, and you will automatically go back once the 90 days are finished,” he reminds him, voice firm, almost ordering. As if he’s not giving Jae a choice. Not that the cupid has the right for one. He was forgiven once, and has slipped with a light punishment and a mission. No second chances will be given if he breaks _that rule._

Wonpil doesn’t wait for his response. He silently feeds him the porridge, then gives him his meds. Jae is already feeling asleep again, so he insists on sending him down to work. 

“I don’t need you to babysit me,” he pushes him off the bed weakly, “Plus, it’s going to be busy today and they’ll need you.”

Reluctant, Wonpil leaves, after a lot of insisting. Jae does go back to sleep, but it’s barely for a few hours. His fever has went down, yet his distress is still killing him, refusing to let him rest peacefully. He wonders if Brian is feeling the same torture as him. That adds another load of suffocating pain to his chest, and he can’t stay in bed any longer.

Wrapping the cover around his body, he pads to the living room, dizzy. Usually, no one stays in the house during the afternoon. However, he’s reminded that they have a new tenant when he finds Dowoon in the kitchen, hunched over the stove.

“What are you doing?” Jae questions, sending the guy jumping out of his skin. 

It takes him a moment to recover, his face getting red from the shock and embarrassment. Jae takes that as his opportunity to check the thing boiling in the pot. 

“You’re making soup?” he’s impressed. He’s been a human for way longer than this guy, but he’s yet to boil an egg by himself. Maybe Dowoon learned faster cause he’s certain that he’s staying, unlike Jae. Deep down, he can’t help but envy him, for a lot of things.

Dowoon, still avoiding his eyes, stammers over his words, “Wonpil hyung told me you’re sick, so I thought of cooking something for you.”

Jae notices the mess around the kitchen and the open cooking-tutorial video on the phone in Dowoon’s hand, and he can’t help but feel guilty. He’s left speechless at the unexpected care he’s receiving from someone he didn’t even bother having a decent conversation with. 

“Thank you, Dowoon,” he says, sincere yet shameful. 

The other’s eyes widen -something he’s been doing a lot around Jae- and lowers his head in a small bow. He then remembers the pot over the fire, so he rushes back to check on it. The sight does bring a weak smile to Jae’s lips. 

“So, how’s being human treating you?” He asks, almost teasingly. 

Dowoon sighs in exasperation, and Jae chuckles. It’s nice to see that he wasn’t the only one to suffer. 

“I never realized how weird humans are until now,” he admits, still focused on the pot. 

Jae groans, “Tell me about it!” 

He then goes on with all of his complaints about the human’s lifestyle. To his biggest relief, Dowoon turned out to share all of his points of views, with the exception of his tolerance to spicy food. It’s fun to have someone to talk to, nevertheless. It helps distract him, and his heart, a little. 

Dowoon looks at him expectantly after he’s taken a spoonful of the soup. To be honest, Jae’s tasting buds are weakened by his sickness, but he still appreciate the taste. It’s not bad. Not bad at all, in fact. He smiles reassuringly at the other, which makes him visibly relax. They eat in silence for some time, until Jae can’t take the pressure of guilt anymore. 

“I’m sorry,” he lets out, surprising the other, “for throwing the blame on you. It was never your fault.” 

Dowoon shakes his head, “Not yours either.”

_‘You don’t know that,’_ Jae wants to say. No matter how much he thinks it over, he always comes to the conclusion that nothing of this would’ve happened if not for his poor decisions. He ruined the relationship between Brian and Sungjin, and kept Brian loveless for all those years in the pretext of finding him someone perfect. 

A selfish decision after another, lead him to where he stands today. He deserves the punishment and being turned into a human, but he doesn’t deserve Brian’s love, doesn’t deserve to feel love bloom inside of him when all he’s giving the human is pain. 

“Why did you do it?” He asks, despite himself. As much as he dreads the answer, he wants to hear the cupid’s reason.

“Was it a random arrow?” 

Dowoon shakes his head firmly, “You know that we can’t do that. Not with that kind of arrows,” he refuses to speak the words, as if he’d be punished if he’s said them. 

“Then why?” Fear arises inside of him. Fear of his doubts being confirmed. 

“I could not not do it,” Dowoon admits. When Jae gives him a confused frown, he sets his spoon down on the table, and looks at him right in the eyes, “I was there the whole time, hyung. I saw everything. More than you can see with your bare eyes.” He emphasizes, and Jae’s heart squeezes in his chest. He didn’t need to see the auras to get what Dowoon meant. 

Then, Dowoon starts telling him everything in details, “When I first saw Brian, he was sitting alone,” he pauses, trying to find the best way to describe the situation, “He was not just sad. His aura was so dim, almost _transparent_.” 

Transparent means an _unrepairable broken heart._ It means, no going back. _That person will never fall in love again._

Jae’s whole body fills with dread -the paralyzing kind. His spoon slips out of his fingers, and falls on the ground with a clank -he’s lost all of his appetite, anyways.. His mouth is slightly open, words failing to surpass the load clogging his throat. At least his eyes are communication some kind of a signal to Dowoon, asking him to keep talking, because he needs to know more. 

“What got me curious was your arrival,” Dowoon resumes talking, before Jae loses his sanity, “As soon as he saw you, not only did his aura turn vivid, but it kept expanding and reaching for yours. He was drunk and joyful at the time, and you were worried, right? Two contrasting auras don’t merge, but yours did. Even when he got sweet with you and you were panicking, your auras kept melting in the middle. It was impossible to tell them apart at some point. I’ve never seen anything like that before.”

Maybe Dowoon never did, but Cupid J159 has seen it before. It’s a very rare occurrence, when two souls are meant for each other, their auras melt together. At some point, after years of being together, the auras become too identical and turn into one. Jae has seen it a couple of times, it’s fascinating, and as Dowoon said, you cannot not shoot a true love arrow in such situation. It would be a crime. 

“But- how-” a lot of questions rises inside of his head, he doesn’t even know where to start. “Why?” Is what he manages to ask, exasperated and feeling wronged. 

Dowoon gives him a sympathetic smile, “Jinyoung hyung told me about your story with Brian, and I think that’s enough of an answer.”

Jae’s currently jammed, and slow brain refuses to process the words, one by one, and the other seems to notice his dilemma. He puts a hand on Jae’s shoulder, as if to calm him down, and tries to patiently explain things to him like one would to a kid. 

“How deep is Brian’s arrow?” 

He frowns, confused, but answers nonetheless, “Only the feather is visible.”

Dowoon nods, as if expecting that kind of an answer, “Don’t you think that two weeks is a very short time?” 

Jae nods. In average, it takes six weeks for an arrow to melt that much, and twelve to melt totally. Some arrows never melt past halfway. Those leave behind the easiest scars to heal. The cupid never thought a day where he envies that category would come. _If only Brian was one of them._

“Would you believe me if I said that yours is as deep?” 

For some reason, Jae’s hand flies to his chest, resting just over the spot where the arrow should be. 

_‘It can’t be that deep. It’s only been a week,’_ he thinks, panicking. 

“You can see it?” He asks, just to make sure the other is not messing with him. This has to be a joke.

Dowoon nods, “Weirdly enough, I still can.”

Jae inhales sharply, “How’s that possible?” 

It’s laughable, how him, a relatively experienced cupid, is asking such question to a seemingly young cupid. If only he could figure it out by himself. Human brains are sure slow, especially in such situations. 

“Hyung,” Dowoon starts, voice going soft. Instead of calming Jae, it only alarms him more. 

“Your love towards Brian, do you really think it’s something new? The work of an arrow?”

The question is simple, yet it awakens a well-buried doubt within Jae, something he’s done a great job at denying for years. Up till now, he’s thought it impossible. 

“It is- it’s not?” 

The other smiles at him, patiently, “A cupid’s existence is all about love, so of course they’re not immune to it. Unlike humans, they don’t even need the arrows. And you, hyung,” Dowoon’s gaze is intense and meaningful, “you got to experience both types; the unadulterated love of cupids, and the profound love caused by arrows.” 

As much as he wants to laugh at his destiny, Jae wants to cry as well. Does the other seriously mean that this is a good thing? He is speaking like it is a good thing, like Jae is _lucky._ Jae wishes he can share with him this point of view, but someone has to think about Brian. 

“I don’t know what kind of destiny this is, but I truly hope that you two could find a way,” Dowoon must know how wrong that sounds -in cupid standards at least-, but he’s still courageous enough to say it. 

Jae knows that there is no way for them. No matter how much he analyzes the situation, he doesn’t seem to find any promising outcome. The consequences would be irreversible and unpleasant, and their story is bound to end in a tragedy, as it seems. 

The rest of the afternoon is spent with Dowoon, the latter trying to help him forget a bit of his misery, and Jinyoung pays them a brief visit, mainly coming to check on him. By the evening, Jae got remarkably better, the headache and fever long gone. Too bad he can’t say the same about the pain in his chest. It’s becoming a constant existence in his life, apparently. 

He’s getting ready to go to sleep when someone knocks on his door. Wonpil’s head pops up through the door crack, he’s grinning sheepishly, asking fro permission to come inside.

“Are you feeling better now?” He enters, closing the door behind him. 

Jae smiles, “Yeah, a lot better. Thanks to you.” 

Wonpil plops on the bed, making himself comfortable, “Are you sure? I heard you spent the whole day with Dowoonie.” 

Jae pushes his leg away to make room for himself, “He’s a nice kid,” he admits, having a newfound fondness for the younger. 

Wonpil’s grin widens, reaching his eyes, “Yes he is.” 

Noticing the other’s reaction to the guy’s name, and the small blush that settles on his cheeks, Jae promises that he’ll tease Wonpil about it another day. He’s exhausted at the moment, and wants nothing more than to sleep for the next week, if possible. 

Wonpil pushes his body closer to Jae, so that he can put a hand on his knee. His grin morphs into a warm smile, “I don’t want to push you, but if you ever want someone to speak to, you know I’ll listen, right?” He says with his most reassuring, soft tone. 

“I know,” Jae tells him, mirroring his smile, “Thank you, Wonpil.”

And he means it, but he also has decided to keep the previous night’s happening to himself. Jae is not sure what Hyeji’s reaction would be, but as long as no one is dragging him away, cutting his current stay short, he’ll keep it a secret. The last thing he’d do to Brian is disappear without having a final talk with him, or without saying his _goodbyes._

That night, at a really late hour, and as Jae was still trying to tame down his thoughts to get some sleep, a small beep comes from his phone. He’s not surprised to read Brian’s name, yet he hesitates to open it. He doesn’t know what to expect. Or maybe he’s expected anything but the two words he got.

_‘I’m sorry.’_

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did it work??? Was this chapter sad???? Please tell me if you cried (I'll send tissues!! :p )
> 
> **A few clarifications about the story:**  
>  * The story is told from Jae's pov, and as y'all know, Jae is: 1/a cupid, 2/oblivious af, 3/ an oblivious cupid, so of course, he misses a lot of details and is more focused on certain details than others.   
> * I know how curious everyone is about Brian, but no worries, his backstory will be revealed little by little, as well as some other characters backstories.   
> * This cupid AU has gone out of control. Honestly, I'm intentionally leaving a lot of details about the cupid community vague so that I can fit them to the story whenever i want. I'M SORRY IF I'M CONFUSING EVERYONE!!  
> *When I started updating the story, I had a lot of prewritten material (more than 20k words, and with some editing and additions, expanded to 40k words). Unfortunately, after this update, I only have the next chapter ready.   
> This, of course, won't affect the regularity of my updates (once a week), but the chapters will probably get shorter. The good thing is that I have the whole story planned, so I just need to follow the outline. 
> 
> I think that's all I have to say for now, if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask, and I will do my best to answer them (without spoilers hopefully) =D Stay healthy, safe, and happy!! THANK YOU EVERYONE <3 <3


	11. D-29: Beyond The Clouds

When everyone expected him to hide in his room and never leave it again, at least for a week, Jae has surprised them all by spending most of his days outside. No one knows where he goes, or who he meets. They just know that he has asked Wonpil to teach him how to ride his scooter, and to let him borrow it during the day. 

So, everyday, they watch as Jae leaves in the very early morning, and comes in the late afternoon, dead tired and hungry. Hyeji has suspected that he’s been meeting Brian, so she clearly warned him from meeting him, until he’s more mentally and emotionally stable, at least. For once, he followed her orders. Not that he’s ready to face the human, anyways. 

However, Hyeji’s suspicions were not completely out of place. Brian is the reason behind Jae’s bizarre behavior. His text messages, to be more exact. 

The first night, it was an apology - _’I’m sorry’_ -, the second an _’I love you’_ , and the third an _‘I miss you’_. And the cycle repeats. Sometimes, Jae would get two at the same night, with a few hours in between. 

Jae did not want to think about what the human was doing at the dead hours of the night, but his worry would get the best of him every time, and he’d end up texting Sungjin. Even if Brian was not at the bar, the latter would still check on him in Jae’s stead, and reassure him. 

Those text messages became his lullaby. The cupid cannot fall asleep anymore before receiving them. But they are also like a test for his resolution and self-restraint, every single one causing _a war_ inside of him. 

A war between his heart that wants nothing more than to run to Brian’s arms and stay there forever, and his brain that bounds him to the bed, to his reality. At the end, his heart caves in, with the promise of winning one day. Jae knows that it will, but currently, his focus is set on one goal. 

His talk with Dowoon was an eye-opener for him, made him realize something very important.   
Since the moment he’s known about Brian’s feelings, Jae has been doing nothing but feel bad and guilty towards the human. He has decided to keep a distance, and that was it. It didn’t occur to him, not even for once, that he should do something to Brian, _for Brian._

But, Dowoon was very clear with his words. The threat of Brian’s aura turning transparent is unavoidable. If- when Jae goes back to being cupid, he’ll have to endure the sight of Brian turning soulless, and eternally loveless. Jae would never survive that sight. He’d rather watch him love someone else -more than he’d ever loved Jae-, than see him like that. 

To make it easier for Brian to get over him, Jae needed to grant him some kind of closure, and he knows exactly what to do. 

_It’s time to say goodbye._

**D-29**

Jae looks down at his wrist watch, then at the door in front of him. He’s earlier than he should be, regardless of the hour. He kills a few minutes by breathing in and out repeatedly, going over the plan in his mind. When he thinks that he’s stalled enough, and that he’s ready -he’ll never be- he presses the bell five times, just in case. His heart is restless, almost jumping in his chest in both excitement and nervousness. 

There’s the sound of footsteps coming from inside, and he almost runs away. Thankfully, his legs are too numb to let him move. The door finally opens, revealing a very confused Brian. He’s barely awake, and he’s rubbing his eyes repeatedly, as if to make sure that what he’s seeing is real. Jae does not blame him.

“Jae hyung?” his fast blinking stops at once, eyes turning big, “What are you doing here? Did something bad happen?” He asks, worried. 

God he misses him so much! Jae’s insides twist and turn as he takes in Brian’s appearance. It’s barely been a week, but it feels like forever since he’s last seen him. His fingers twitch at his side, craving to reach for the human, to touch him. He suppresses every thought and every emotion, it’s not the right time for a crisis. _Focus!_

He pushes past Brian to get him a thick jacket from the coats’ hanger, “Come on, put this on, and some shoes as well,” he orders, helping the puzzled guy put the jacket on. 

“Where are you taking me? Is everything alright?” Brian demands more urgently, putting his shoes on nevertheless.

“Everything’s okay, I just need to take you somewhere,” Jae reassures him. He barely lets him take his keys and phone, as he drags him by the hand out of the apartment. Bring in a rush helps him ignore his heart’s reaction to the physical contact with the human.

“At _four AM_?” Brian exclaims in question, “Can I at least know where?” 

“You’ll know when we’re there,” is all that Jae gives as an answer. 

Once they’re in front of the building, he makes him put the helmet on, and sit on the spot behind him on the scooter. It is too early. The sky is still of blue-ish black, and the streetlights are the only thing illuminating the streets. As Jae drives through the deserted roads, with Brian holding tightly on him, a wild thought comes to his mind. 

What would it be like to always have the city for just the two of them, just like now? Would their lives be less complicated if it was just him and Brian in this world? Would their love survive? Would they stand a chance, then?

Every thing they pass by is a blur because of their speed, and the wetness of his eyes makes it more difficult for him to see in front of him. Jae forcefully buries those questions deep in his heart, and holds back his tears. _Now is not the time._

Brian stays silent the whole time, but when Jae drives through the parking lot’s entrance of a certain, luxurious building, he panics, “Hey! Why are you going there? Isn’t it restricted?”

The guard recognizes Jae and opens the gate for them, silencing him. After parking the scooter and taking off their helmets, Jae brings him to the elevator.

“Are you going to tell me why we’re here now?” Brian asks again, once they’re inside and the door closes.

Instead of replying, Jae first checks his watch, “We’re just in time, good,” he says, then presses the top floor’s button.

Brian’s eyes widen in shock, his face paling right away, “That- that’s too high.” 

He points his index up, and Jae can see that his whole hand is trembling slightly, “Do we have to go up there?” 

He seems on the verge of a breakdown, so Jae puts his hand on his shoulder, “Do you trust me?” He asks softly, but firmly.

The human seems to calm down a little bit, Jae’s eyes grounding him. He then nods. Jae beams at him, “Then don’t be afraid, since I’m here with you.”

Brian doesn’t object anymore, but his body is still too tense, and as the elevator goes up, and up, his steel grip on the rail never loosens. After a long ride, the elevator ticks and opens on the top floor. Brian hesitates to go out, so Jae wordlessly offers him his hand. He takes it, hesitantly. Jae could feel him shaking now.

They silently walk to the rooftop’s stairs, and when they reach its door, Jae takes a key to open it. Getting this certain key was challenging, to say the least. Forget about begging, the cupid had to ran errands for the head of security for a week to convince him that he meant no bad. He tried bribing him at first, that didn’t leave a nice impression, though. At least he has it now, with his personal effort. 

With his hand on the door knob, Jae glances at the human, “Are you ready?” 

Brian manages a small smile, that vanishes as soon as the door is fully open. When they step outside, the sky has lost some of its darkness, and the air is crisp. Brian wraps his jacket tighter around himself, but it’s not totally out of cold. He doesn’t say anything when Jae guides him to the edge, but he starts to be less cooperative, pulling him back. Even his breathing is getting more labored. 

“It’s okay, I’m here, you’ll be fine,” Jae keeps reassuring him, encouraging him to take a step at a time, “We’re almost there.” 

Brian does reach the edge, but his legs are wobbling too badly that he’s mostly leaning on Jae for support. 

“Are you going to tell me why are we here now?” He asks, almost desperately, eyes tightly shut and voice quivering. 

Jae glances at the horizon, glad that his expectations didn’t fail him, “It’s time. If you don’t open your eyes now, you’ll regret it.” 

It takes him a moment to gather his courage, then one by one, he pries his eyes open, just in time to see the first glimpses of light climbs up in the sky. The change is very small, yet it’s enough to illuminate the city. Or at least what’s visible from it. Jae has put his expertise in use, and chose this certain building -one of the five highest buildings in the city- and this certain day, for a reason, after all. 

A thick layer of fog is extending as far as their sight can go, and only the tops of some skyscrapers are visible. It gives the impression that they’re somewhere up in the sky, just above the clouds. The view never fails to amaze Jae, who can actually fly above the clouds. He always thinks of it as a merger between the Human world and the Cupid world. This is the closest Brian would be to _his_ world.

Brian, who is seeing this for the first time in person, releases a small surprised voice, then his whole body freezes, the shaking stopping as well. His lips are slightly parted, and his eyes are transfixed on the view. His pupils are the only sign of life, as they keep shifting from a side to another, both amazed and overwhelmed, trying to take everything in at once. 

Having seen that view hundreds of times, and with someone much more breathtaking by his side, Jae doesn’t tear his gaze from Brian. The colors of twilight illuminating his skin make him more ethereal than he already is. His eyes are now teary, while shining with raw fascination. Under all the layers of surprise, Jae can see how happy he is. And that’s more than enough for him. That’s all he’s asking for. 

The longer he watches Brian, the more the pain in his chest intensifies, and it’s really not the right time for that. Today is about Brian. His own feelings should wait. 

“It’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let that fear steal the beautiful things from you,” he tells him, barely keeping it together. 

Brian nods once, visibly holding back his tears. His grasp on Jae’s hand tightens. 

“Thank you,” he breaths out, letting their eyes meet for a fraction, before averting his gaze back to the view. This time, a tear does slip down his cheek. Jae pretends not to see it. He wishes for them to be happy tears. 

For this day, this moment, he really wishes to forget everything about being a cupid, about the arrows and the mission, just this time. Only then this moment would be _perfect_ , only then this moment would be a _happy memory_. The pain growing inside of him only serves as a reminder of the reality that he wants so badly forget.

No, even so, Jae will certainly remember this moment every time he flies at sunrise. Maybe at first, when his emotions are still raw, it will be painful to do so. He’ll have to avoid this place for a while. But after some time, when his scars get better, when they start to hurt less, he’ll come here to commemorate this moment. 

Also Jae will certainly come back here when being around a Brian that can’t see him anymore becomes unbearable. He’ll come here and pretend to be back to this day, with Brian by his side, looking at him with a smile. He’ll come here just to relive this exact moment. This place will be his safe haven. 

_‘You’re the best thing that ever happened to me and-’_

“I will always remember you.” He lets out in a soft whisper, but panics right away. He didn’t mean to say these words out loud. He didn’t mean to say them at all. 

This was not a part of his plan. He was supposed to bring Brian here, watch the sunrise with him, then tell him the script he’s prepared in his head. He should be telling him how they can’t be together, and apologize for ruining his love life, then say his goodbye, and leave. As simple as that. But look where his big mouth and stupid heart have lead him to.

Jae watches as Brian’s eyes well once more with tears. The human blinks and they fall. He must’ve heard him. Yet, long moments pass without him reacting.

“You shouldn’t,” he says, a while later, voice broken, and gaze still fixed ahead. 

“Brian,” Jae calls, him too on the verge of tears. He doesn’t know what to say to that. 

Brian exhales deeply, before turning to face him, “You’re magical and heavenly. You’ve got this,” he waves his hand around, mentioning for the view, “the earth and skies to roam, for eternities. Why would you-” he pauses, his voice failing him. He takes a strangled breath before adding, voice small and defeated, “Why taint your existence with a memory of someone like me?”

The words pierce right through Jae’s existence. It’s true that he brought Brian here to put a clear end to their _‘relationship’_ , but this is definitely not what he wanted. It’s too much and Jae moves without thinking. Damn thinking when Brian is like that! 

One hand cups Brian’s cheek, while the other lifts his head by the chin so their eyes could meet. 

“I would give up _everything_ ,” he presses on the word, hoping Brian could see that he really means it, “My wings, my powers, my lifetimes, the earth and skies and heavens, for just some extra time with you,” his thumb brushes another stray tear from his cheek. “I mean it.”

Brian gives him a weak nod, his way of saying, _‘I believe you’_. His tears are unstoppable, so Jae brings him in for a hug. It only intensifies the shaking of the human. He must’ve been holding it in for too long. When Jae had Wonpil to comfort him, Brian had no one to lend him a shoulder to cry on. Even if he had, he’s not the kind of person that would openly cry in front of someone else. It’s okay. He’s got Jae now, who’s not intending on letting go. 

They stay like that for a while, Jae’s hand securing Brian’s head on his shoulder, caressing his hair, while the other running up and down his back, all meant to soothe him, but also to let Jae compensate for the times he denied himself this warmth.   
With Brian crying silently on his shoulder, his arms wrapped around his waist, Jae makes a decision. An _irreversible_ one. 

“I was stupid to think that keeping away from you was the best choice,” he reprimands himself. He feels Brian shake his head against his shoulder, so he breaks the hug just enough for them to be looking at each other. The human’s eyes are puffed and red rimmed, but his tears has stopped for now.

“You asked me what my heart wants,” Brian tries to say something but he stops him by a finger on his lips, “It wants _you_ , Brian,” he tells him, loud and clear. Brian is both shocked and emotional, he’s on the verge of tears again, but Jae is not finished yet.

“It- no _I_ want to spend what little time left by your side. I want to make every moment count,” he is speaking out his heart’s deepest desires, and it magically makes the heaviest weights inside of hid chest disappear. Jae can finally breathe again.

Using his fingertips, Brian brushes Jae’s bangs to the side, gentle and hesitant. It brings a soft smile to the cupid’s lips.

“Is this- will you be okay?” Brian questions, still finding the energy to be concerned over him. 

Jae gets the implication of that question, so reassures him with a genuine smile, “Never been better.” 

The human doesn’t seem convinced, so he ruffles his hair lovingly, “Stop worrying, will you? Everything is going to be fine, _I promise_.”

He’s not sure if that counts as a lie or not. All that he cares about is seeing Brian worry-less, happy.

His answer seems to be enough for the human, since he releases a relieved sigh, then smiles in the most blinding way. 

“Thank you, for accepting my love,” he says, letting his hand rest on the side of Jae’s neck. 

Jae bumps their noses together, playfully, “And thank you for loving a troublemaker like me.” 

That gains him a melodious chuckle from Brian. They stare into each others eyes for a moment, affectionate and fond. Jae has a hand placed over the other’s chest, and he can actually feel his quickened heartbeats under his palm. It’s kind of reassuring, because the same kind of somersaults are happening inside of his chest, as well. 

“Can I- can I kiss you?” 

There’s hesitance is Brian’s tone, and more of it in the cupid’s nod. With his courage finally leaving him, Jae gets into a panic mood. As everyone knows, he’s never been kissed before. Of course, he’s seen humans do it all the time, but seeing and experiencing it firsthand, are two different things.

Their faces are closer now, that their noses are almost touching. And Jae is a wreck of nerves. What calms him a little is Brian’s loving gaze. It calms him down a little, yet lights a blazing fire inside of him. He _wants_ this. 

Brian cups his cheek, letting his thumb caress it, then tiptoes a little so he could bring their lips together. The touch is revolutionary, not like any other touch Jae has ever experienced, yet not so much. It still holds the same warmth and comfort that Brian’s existence has brought into his life. It makes him understand what the word _‘home’_ really means. This is home. Brian is _his home._

The kiss is brief, Brian keeping it slow and gentle. Still, when they part, they’re both breathless, barely surviving the intensity of their emotions being set free by the kiss. The yearning and heartache are finally turning into something bittersweet, yet beautiful. 

It takes them some time to get down from the high of that moment, and by the time they do, they’ve missed the sunrise. But that’s like the last thing on their minds, both too preoccupied engraving this memory in their minds and hearts. 

How a goodbye has turned into the beginning of a relationship, is something beyond Jae. He blames it on that big spot in his chest that turns to jelly whenever Brian is included -aka his heart. 

-

When they go back down, it’s a reasonable time for breakfast, or at least some coffeeshops are starting to open. They go to a cozy waffle place -recommended by Jae-, and they sit closely in a booth, almost sticking to each other’s sides. Brian is shameless enough to occasionally feed Jae, who pretends to be annoyed by it, but is internally melting. At some point, they fight over the maple syrup bottle, because Jae can’t help but pour half of it over his waffles. 

“You’re going to get cavities and diabetes,” Brian tries to sound firm, but his eyes are literally smiling on their own. Shining.

“I don’t even know what’s that,” Jae sassily comments, leisurely munching on another piece of his waffles that is literally dripping with maple syrup. Of course he’s got an idea about those illnesses, but it’s too general to consider their risks. To his horror, the other proceeds on giving him a very detailed explanation about them. He doesn’t shut up until Jae shoves a big piece of the waffle in his mouth. 

“You humans and your unreasonably weak bodies. It’s like breathe and you’ll get sick!” He shakes his head, and Brian laughs.

“Yes, if the air is polluted, that can happen,” he says, as a matter of fact, which earns him a shove from Jae. 

“Can you be a little bit more romantic? This is my first date, ever! be considerate!” 

His statement causes Brian to freak out, “Oh no!” He shakes his head, urgently, “This is not a date!”

Jae frowns in confusion, “Oh? It is not?” 

“Our first date needs to be special,” the human adds, before he misunderstands his denial, “Preferably something fancy, tailored suits and expensive wine, not a small waffle place with me in my pajamas!”

The way he describes his idea of their first date makes Jae blush, but shake his head as well. 

“I’m fine with just this as our first date,” his hand timidly reaches for Brian’s over the table, and he lets their fingers intertwine, “This is already special for me, even if you’re in your pajamas.” 

The last part is said in a teasing way, but it doesn’t help alleviating Brian’s bashfulness. His cheeks are already dusted a beautiful pink. 

“Are you sure this is your first date? How come you’re so cheesy?” he questions, trying to sound disgusted, but his voice and eyes betray him. 

Jae smirks, briefly, knowing very well that he’s secretly enjoying it. He then shrugs, “Try watching humans being cheesy for years, it kind of rubs on you.”

For some reason, he’s finding it really easy to speak about cupids’ antics in front of the other, without feeling weird or guilty. Even Brian doesn’t seem too bewildered by his small revelations. He just shakes his head in disbelief, then goes back to eating, not letting go of Jae’s hand, nevertheless. 

After their breakfast date, Jae drives Brian back to his apartment, so that he can get ready to go to work. The human gets off the scooter, taking off his helmet, “I still can call and tell them I’m not coming,” he tries to convince Jae, reluctant on parting with him so soon. 

The cupid shakes his head, “No, you have to go,” he says, ignoring the voice inside of his head begging him to agree. The fact that Brian is now holding on his hand and refusing to let go is not helping at all. When did he hold it in the first place? 

“We’ll see each other after work, anyways.”

But Brian is still sulking, with a big pout and pleading eyes. 

“I’ll come on your lunch break too, happy?” 

At this, he finally looks satisfied, “Alright, I’ll wait for you.”

“Okay now go or you’re going to be late,” Jae pushes him by the shoulder, but Brian is still not letting go of his hand. He is standing on the pavement, looking kind of shy and hesitant. Jae smirks, pulling him by his hand. Once they’re close enough, he leans in and drops a kiss on his cheeks.

“See you later,” He smiles, slyly. 

Brian nods obediently twice, before finally letting go of him. He slowly walks to the building, and as soon as he reaches the door to the lobby, he turns around to wave at him, grinning from ear to ear. Jae waves back, him too feeling as giddy. 

The cupid keeps smiling in Brian’s direction, even after he disappears inside. It takes a few moments for the realization to down on him, but when it does, his smile falls instantly, and his whole body sags. Not that he’s been unaware of the situation he’s put himself into, but he’s refused to acknowledge it around Brian. The latter has been genuinely happy, and he couldn’t ruin his mood just like that. 

Jae himself has never been as happy as he’s been this morning. All the emotions that used to weight him down disappeared. Or maybe some of them are still there, but the delight from finally confessing to Brian and being with him has made any other feeling meaningless. He’s never felt this light, not even while flying. 

Even so, there’s no ounce of regret inside of him, and that’s what encourages him most to go find Hyeji. He knocks on her office door, and enters as soon as she’s given him permission. Hyeji doesn’t look surprised to see him, but she still has that questioning look on her face. She knows that something is up. 

“I’ve made my choice,” he announces, without any kind of introduction.

She blinks at him once, twice, then her shoulders drop. She sighs, “You’re together now, I guess,” she states, not sounding shocked, but not disappointed either. 

“Yes.” 

Hyeji nods, understandingly. She doesn’t speak for a while, so he takes that chance to voice out his concern, “About the ninety days, what’s going to happen next?”

She crosses her arms and answers in a very business-like tone, “If you’re afraid of your time here being cut short, then don’t worry. The judges are very systematic. In all cases, you need to finish this punishment first, before another trial takes place.”

That relieves him as much as it worries him. He’s glad that his time with Brian won’t be cut short, and yet- “Another trial…”

“Yes, another one,” she affirms, “The order is very clear for that one as well. First, they’ll go through your mission, which is considered a success, but then, they get to your relationship with Brian and-”

“The extreme punishment?” He cuts in, knowing exactly what awaits him. 

Hyeji gives him a sympathetic look. He can almost hear the grief in her words, “I’m sorry.”

Jae gives her a small smile, “No, I am the one that should be sorry, for disappointing you.” 

She shakes her head in strong disapproval, “Jae, this is your choice to make, and yours alone,” she insists, putting emphasis on the words, “My job is to guide and advice you, not control you. If this is really what you want, then I’m not going to stop you. No one is. ”

To have Hyeji herself respect and support his decision helps lessen Jae’s worries and distress. “Thank you,” he says, but he knows it will never be enough to express how grateful he is towards her.

“It is really what I want,” he then reassures her, and he really means it. 

Hyeji smiles at that, genuine yet sad, “Then I’ll try to be happy for you.” 

Later on, when Jae is about to leave her office, she calls his name, so he turns around.

“Make sure to use your time wisely.” 

Jae grins at her, “I will.”

Then, he adds cheekily, “Now excuse me, I have a lunch date with _my boyfriend_.” 

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all been dying to get them together, so that's what I did ;D
> 
> I have to admit, this chapter was by far the hardest to edit. It was too time and effort consuming, so I hope it came out well *fingers crossed*
> 
>  **About next chapter:**  
>  Okay, I did say that I'll be writing more, but I barely made any progress. I was sick this past week and the pills I took made me drowsy and unmotivated all the time *fml*. So yeah, if the next chapter takes longer than usual, I apologize in advance T__T 
> 
> Anyways, you guys stay healthy, safe and happy, and till next time =D


	12. D-27: The Lonely Little Boy

Cupids spend their whole lives observing humans fall in love and go on dates, without developing any kind of understanding towards their behavior. They watch some of the coldest people turning into complete saps as soon as they fall in love, and the eternal question remains as a simple ‘how’. How does that happen, and how is it possible? Is it an innate characteristic? Or do they just imitate each other? 

A few days in his first -and obviously last- relationship, Jae is sure that humans themselves don’t have an answer to that question. That change is something that just happens. The degree is different from a human to another, but if you look close enough, that change is always there. 

In Brian’s case, it’s very noticeable, whether through his words, expressions, or gestures. For instance, he talks more openly now, says whatever on his mind without holding back. It turns out that even he can be random at times, a new side to him that Jae finds extremely cute. But no filters and randomness meant a lot of flirting as well. Jae has lost count of how many times they’d be having a casual talk, and a compliment would fly his way, out of the blue. It would be completely irrelevant to the topic they’re discussing, like how his hair shines like sunlight -Brian’s words not his-, or how soft his hands are, or even how the hoodie he’s wearing brings out his eyes’ color. Jae would be lying if he said that he doesn’t like those -his red cheeks would expose him anyways-, but that doesn’t stop him from cringing so hard in front of his boyfriend. He loves teasing him back, just like that. 

Another thing that Jae totally adores about Brian, are his eyes. They are very expressive, a mirror of whatever he’s feeling at the moment, and what his words fail to express, his eyes are ready to cover for them. The cupid realizes that he’s been really stupid. If he’s taken the time to carefully look into his eyes, he would’ve found about Brian’s feelings towards him a very long time ago. But as they say, better late than never. 

Brian is, also, a very clingy boyfriend. He is always seeking the warmth of Jae’s body, without being forceful or invasive. Wether by having his hand on the small of Jae’s back when they walk, an arm around his shoulders or around his waist when they’re close enough, or simply having their hands intertwined, he’ll always find a way, and his touches are very warm, very gentle. 

So when Brian gets deprived of Jae’s touch for a few hours because of work, he’d ambush him with a tight hug as soon as he sees him, and would refuse to let him go for a while. For that exact reason, Jae has not gone back to Hyeji’s house for days -since the day he went to announce their relationship to be more specific- not even to get a change of clothes. He doesn’t want to be reported missing by Brian if he does so. That also goes back to the fact that he enjoys wearing his boyfriend’s clothes a little too much, and the look it causes on Brian’s face even more. Those moments usually end up with Jae pressed against the closest surface, his body flushed and lips swollen. 

Brain’s kisses - _oh god!_ \- are really what drives him insane. Sometimes, it’s a sweet peck on the cheek, or temple. Other times, when they hug goodnight, he kisses the top of Jae’s head -because Jae loves spooning. But Jae’s favorites got to be those on the lips. Brian just loves kissing him silent, especially when he’s ranting about something random. He would be listening with a goofy, fond expression at first, but at some point, when he can’t hold it in anymore, he’d interrupt him with a passionate, slow kiss. So now, on the rare occasions where Brian is the one ranting, Jae would do the same for him, leaving him both surprised and breathless. 

So yeah, it’s really fascinating to see how a loner like Brian, who’s been out of the dating agenda for years, is very capable of being affectionate. Still, he is not the only one changing. It’s happening to Jae as well. 

Even if Brian is cheesy and clingy, he still cannot be compared to someone who knows more ways of being cheesy and clingy than humanity is aware of. Jae himself didn’t realize he’s acquired that much knowledge until it started coming naturally to him. The coy smiles, the flirtatious words, the sweet, yet teasing touches, all done unconsciously. Jae wonders how long it will take for Brian to lose his mind because of him. 

Well, it’s not that Jae is totally fine himself. For all he knows, it should not be normal to feel that much of emotions around someone, all the freaking time! Like, every eye contact brings time to a stop, taking him to other galaxies and beyond. Every sound silences everything around him, Brian’s voice making sure that it will be the only sound echoing for forever in Jae’s memory. Every touch stirring awake an extinct volcano, causing an eruption after another inside of his heart. 

To sum it all, Jae feels like he can explode at any given moment, whenever he’s around Brian, or just thinking of him. He thinks it must be part of being in love. 

**D-27**

“Is this really you?” Jae asks, lively, while pointing at the toddler in the old picture. He found this photo album on the book shelf, hidden between two thick encyclopedias. The discovery had him jumping in excitement. Brian didn’t look as thrilled, yet, he let him go through it -after Jae has attacked him with his signature pout, of course.

“Last time I checked, yes,” comes Brian’s soft voice, just next to his ear. 

They’re currently cuddling on Brian’s bed. Jae has his head resting on Brian’s shoulder, while the latter’s arm is snaking around his waist, both hands holding the photo album for Jae, so he could flip through it as he wants. 

“You were so cute!” Jae coos at the picture, “What happened?” 

The teasing got him a deathly glare, followed by a bite on the shoulder. Laughing, he squirms away from the attack, but finds that he’s already trapped in the other’s arms 

“Sorry sorry,” he says, barely suppressing his chuckles. Brian is not biting him anymore, but he’s still sporting an offended look. 

“You’re still as cute,” he adds cheekily, lifting himself a little to peck his boyfriend’s cheek. 

The human fights back a grin, but fails, “I’m cuter, now,” he sulkily says, and Jae can’t help but laugh at that. 

He then resumes exploring the photo album with a lot of curiosity. It’s not too big, and it doesn’t have a lot of pages, but it holds pieces of Brian’s life that he doesn’t know about. He wants to know the beginning of Brian, how he became the person he is today, his journey. These photos might hold answers to some of his question. 

Jae stops to examine a certain picture, of five-ish years old Brian with his parents. It causes a pang in his heart, but brings a fond smile to his lips. 

“You have your mom’s smile and you father’s eyes,” he comments cautiously, studying the other’s face for any reaction. 

To his relief, Brian hums, mirroring his expression, sad but loving, “I’ve never met anyone who knew them to confirm that, so it’s nice hearing it from you.”

The years of mourning and longing hidden in those words break Jae’s heart. He wordlessly moves his hand to place it over the hand holding the album, his thumb rubbing Brian’s comfortingly. The human gives him a small smile, as a sign of gratitude. Jae doesn’t want to push the matter. When Brian is ready, he’ll tell him everything. 

With the mood settling again, the cupid flips to the next page, with Brian telling him about the backstory of every photo. They’re all happy memories with his family or his childhood friends, and it kind of consoles Jae. Brian was loved as a kid, and had people that he genuinely loved around him. 

“This was my last day at elementary school,” it’s another picture taken with his parent, “It was a few days before their accident,” Brian slowly adds, his body and arms around him stiffening. Even though it’s making him uncomfortable, he’s still fixed on telling Jae the whole story. 

“That night, they left me with a family friend. It was their wedding anniversary and they went out to celebrate. They were together, even in death,,” he jokes, drily. His eyes are filled with tears, but he blinks them away. Now, Jae is regretting finding this album in the first place.

The next picture is of an unsmiling Brian, with an unfamiliar lady.

“This was my foster mother. A widow with no children. She was nice, not very affectionate, but I know that she loved me.” The way he talks about the woman holds a lot of regret, but a sense of coldness as well. As if he’s not allowing for himself to mourn yet another parental figure, or consider her as one at all.

“But not as much as expected form a mother,” Jae finishes for him, and he nods.

“I didn’t love her as much as I loved my mother, so it’s kind of fair,” he says with a shrug, but Jae knows that it probably still fills him with guilt. 

The woman might have been emotionally distant, but she was present in most of the important event in Brian’s childhood. His middle school graduation, his birthdays, the competitions he participated in, and more. At his high school graduation, however, she looked sickly and weak. In the picture taken on his first day in college, Brian was alone, his indifferent expression holding more grief, if possible. 

“She was a strong woman, but her illness was stronger,” he explains, “I was the only family member at her funeral. I guess we both were filling the emptiness in each other’s lives.”

Jae doesn’t know how to comfort him for that other than squeeze his hand harder, hoping that his message of _‘don’t blame yourself’_ will get through to him. Brian visibly doesn’t want to further speak of the matter, but the way his body relaxes a little tells him that he appreciates the gesture. 

The next picture has both Brian and Sungjin. They were sitting on some stairs, surrounded by papers. Both of them look noticeably younger, even while smiling exhaustedly at the camera. 

“This was taken before we started dating, that’s why I kept it.”

He must’ve felt the need to explain, in fear of Jae getting jealous. The latter finds it cute, whatsoever. He beams at him, booping their noses together, “I didn’t ask.”

Brian blushes in embarrassment, then looks away, loudly clearing his throat, “Anyways,” then proceeds to flip to the last page. Jae didn’t even realize they’ve already gone through all the pictures. 

There’s a jump in time, and the last picture is of him on his graduation day, standing in front of a huge statue, holding his diploma. It’s probably one of the few pictures of him smiling. 

Jae remembers this day so clearly, “Oh,” he exclaims, happily, “I was there!” He points at the spot on the left. It was empty.

“You were?” Brian raises an eyebrow in question, surprise evident on his face.

“Of course, I assisted through the whole ceremony, and stood there when they took your picture,” the cupid says proudly, “I love photo bombing humans’ pictures.”

Brian frowns, unable to follow his logic, “But you don’t actually appear?” 

“Exactly! That’s makes it more fun!” When the other still gives him a confused look, he tries to further explain it to him, “You can do whatever pose you want without annoying anyone! It’s a win-win deal for every one.” 

Brian shakes his head in disbelief. He glances once more at the picture with a new found joy, then hugs Jae’s body closer to him, burying his face into the crook of his neck.

“It’s nice, knowing that you were there,” he tells him, voice barely above a whisper, “that I was not alone.”

Brian did not choose to be alone. Brian was forced to be alone. Jae has realized that for some time, and this only affirms that statement. He leans back, letting his head fall on Brian’s shoulder again. “I was with you all the time, you know.” 

His boyfriend lifts his face form its hideout, giving him a questioning look, so he tells him, not caring of how creepy it might sound. 

“I used to sometimes sit with you during those boring lectures. At first, it fascinated me how you’d still follow and never fall asleep during them, but I caught you doodling on your notebook one day. Turns out you’re not that much of nerd,” he says with a chuckle. 

Brian releases a small laugh, “Oops, sorry to disappoint.” 

“I also was there during your work interviews. I couldn’t just let you go through them by yourself. Someone needed to send you some positive vibes and encouragements, after all,” he says, as if Brian could hear him, or feel his presence, back then. “And I never missed your birthdays! -You sure spent them in the most boring way ever, but I had to be there at le-”

Jae is interrupted by a set of lips muffling his words. He melts instantly at the touch, letting the warmth seep through him like slow lava. The arms around him are now relaxed, giving him the chance to turn his body to the side, his hand naturally finding its spot on the side of Brian’s neck. The kiss consumes all of his reasonable thinking, so when it comes to an end, it takes him a moment to regain his mental steadiness. 

“What was that for?” He questions, breathless.

Brian’s expression is oozing with affection when he says, “For being the most _fantastic_ person to ever exist.”

Those words, paired with the most sincere tone, and an intense gaze, melts Jae to the core. He must be blushing from head to toe.

“Ugh!!” He groans, hiding his face in his boyfriend’s chest, “You’re too much!!” 

Brian wraps his arms once more around him. He’s laughing softly, and Jae can feel the vibration under his ear. He loves this position for this particular reason. This way, not only he can hear his boyfriend’s heartbeats and vocal vibrations, but even feel them. It brings some kind of reassurance to him. He won’t have this luxury in the future. Better abuse it now, while he can. 

A comforting silence falls over them, but Jae knows that Brian is consumed by his thoughts. Once he well organizes them, he’ll voice them out for Jae to hear. So he waits. 

“After losing my parents,” Brian starts after some time, a hint of hesitance in his voice. It’s gone as soon as Jae hums in acknowledgment. “I lost hope on finding someone that could love me unconditionally like they did, I embraced the loneliness at a young age, but I was never fine with it. All I did, was for them, in case they were watching over me. I wanted them to feel proud, even in their death.”

Jae knows that Brian is barely holding back his tears, that it was not easy for him to say those words out loud. So, he presses himself closer to his side, hoping his warmth would help comfort his boyfriend. Still, he wants to do more for him, tell him that he’s never been as lonely as he thought he was.

“I remember being so excited on the day of your graduation,” he tells, reminiscing that day with a smile, “I’ve never understood the importance of such event, until I had to watch you work that hard during your college years,” he meets Brian’s eyes. He’s crying. 

Jae strokes his cheek, wiping away his tears, “When I saw you on the podium, receiving your diploma, I felt so, so proud of you.” 

Brian’s eyes widen, his lower lip quivering. He looks really vulnerable and small like that, as if the little boy from those pictures manifesting in front of Jae, waiting desperately for him to put his mind at ease. Jae does exactly that.

“ _You did great_ , I’ve always wanted to tell you that,” he says, voice gentle but sure. Then, he plants a kiss on his forehead. “They must be really proud of you.” 

Brian is crying and unable to talk, but he still breaks into a wide smile. It’s carefree and light, and Jae knows that the little boy is finally set free. 

**D-25**

“Look who’s finally remembered us,” Jinyoung announces as soon as Jae steps inside the Cupid Café. 

Jae has to admit, for the last few days, he’s been too absorbed in his pink bubble that it didn’t occur to him that he should, at least, pass by and greet them. Now that he’s realized his mistake, he feels extremely bad. That’s why he’s here today, though. Brian is currently at work, and he’s told him that they won’t be having lunch together. Of course, the human has sulked a little bit, but gave in anyways. 

“Hey guys,” Jae says, giving Youngjae and Jinyoung high fives. Wonpil, who’s behind the coffee machine, totally ignores him, not even when he holds his palm up for him. 

“Come on Wonpil! I’m sorry. Please don’t be like this!” He tries to apologize, but said guy gives him a cold look, then turns his back on him, and leaves to the back. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s been sulking like that for days,” Jinyoung tells him, looking apologetic, “Jealousy, I guess,” he then adds with a wink, so Jae doesn’t dwell on it.

For the rest of the morning, he sits with the rest of the staff, annoying them like the good old days -read as last week. This time, however, he gets teased back, because of his new relationship. News do travel fast, it seems. Jinyoung and Jaebum are particularly shameless with their questions, and by lunchtime, there’s barely any difference between Jae’s face and his red sweater. 

Dowoon joins them for lunch, and as usual, the others insist on ordering food from the terrible place Jae hates. Weird enough, he does finish his order this time. It turns out that food does taste better when you’re with people you like. Or maybe he just kept stuffing his mouth just so he won’t curse them for teasing him even during lunch. 

To be completely honest, Jae is going to miss this, a lot. The time spent with them, the jokes, the teasing, the silliness, everything. He hasn’t known them for so long, but he considers them as his friends -even Jaebum, if he just stops glaring at him for no reason at all. 

Friendship is yet another thing he learned to love and treasure, because it will be taken from him soon. 

-

Jae’s peaceful visit is interrupted by Sungjin’s appearance. The cupid has been chatting with Dowoon for some time, enjoying an overly sweet caramel macchiato -Jinyoung’s treat-, when he walks in. Jae almost hides in the back when he sees him, but the human walks straightly to his direction, as if he’s known his exact location.

“I was told I’m going to find you here,” without waiting for an invite, Sungjin sits across him. 

Jae is surprised at first, then turns to the other guys with accusatory eyes, but they all shake their heads, looking as clueless as him. Who’s the traitor that told on him then? 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to meet Sungjin, but he’s been avoiding him for a while, only contacting him in extreme situations. 

“Are you going to stay? Or do I need to tie you down to the chair so we can have this talk?” Sungjin demands, sounding threatening. He must be really angry.

Sensing the cold atmosphere around him, Dowoon takes his cup of coffee and slips out of his seat in the most discreet way ever abandoning his fellow cupid just like that. Jae is in this by himself, it seems. He lets out a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to avoid you.” 

Surprisingly, Sungjin’s fury dissipates instantly at the apology, replaced by a troubled one, “Is it because you’re now dating Brian?” 

Jae wishes it was that simple. However, Sungjin does not know what Jae has done to him in the past, that he stole Brian from him five years ago. He hates that he can’t tell him the truth, that he can’t apologize properly. All he can do is give an ambiguous answer, “Yes and no.”

Sungjin purses his lips into a thin line. He looks determined. “Hyung, I told you, Brian is a past that I wish not go back to.”

Jae shakes his head weakly. “Don’t you sometimes wish that it would’ve worked? Between you two?” 

“I do,” Sungjin says, firmly. Jae’s heart sinks deeper. He really shouldn’t have asked that question in the first place.

“But then I realize that we would never be happy together,” he adds, looking straight into Jae’s eyes, trying to get his point through to him, “Even if he’d loved me as much as I did, he’d never give me the happiness I needed, and I wouldn’t either. We’d be in love, but miserable. That’s not the kind of a relationship I’d want for either of us.” 

Jae doesn’t want to be reassured by that statement, yet, he can’t help but feel the guilt inside of him shrink little by little. 

“You, on the other hand, you make Brian happy,” Sungjin points out, his smile heart-warming, “I actually was waiting for you to get together.”

That does surprised Jae more that he already is, “Really?”

The other rolls his eyes, dramatically, “Do you not know how painful it was to watch all the pining between you two, ugh, so frustrating!” 

Jae rolls his eyes, “Okay, I get it! We were stupid!” 

“Yes you were!”

They both laugh wholehearted, the atmosphere around them regaining its usual casualness.

“You know, I’m really, really glad it didn’t work between us,” Sungjin admits at some point.

Jae frowns, confused, “Huh? Why?”

Just then, Jaebum emerges form the kitchen, and walks straight to their table, placing a plate with a slice of Jae’s favorite chocolate cake on it. The cupid almost melts in his place, his fork already ready to attack. However, a hand slaps his away before he could even approach the cake. He finds Jaebum glaring at him. It’s more threatening this time, like it could literally kill.

“That’s not for you,” he warns him, sliding the plate into Sungjin’s direction. 

If Jae didn’t see it with his eyes, he’d never believe it, but Jaebum’s glare melts away as soon as he meets Sungjin’s eyes, and he’s smiling - _what the f_ \- actually smiling at Sungjin, and the latter was smiling back. Jae’s mouth falls open from shock.

“Unbelievable, right?” A voice asks, next to his ear. 

Jae shakes his head, “Is this a dream? A nightmare?” 

“We all wish for it to be a dream, or a nightmare.”

“We can still hear you, you know?” Sungjin flatly comments, blushing whatsoever. Jaebum, on the other hand, sends them another deathly stare -such a contrast to the expression he just had on his face- and Youngjae kind of vanishes from Jae’s side. Jaebum himself doe not linger for any longer, going back to his work. Now, it’s only the two of them. Jae smirks.

“So,” he starts, “you and Jaebum, who would’ve thought.” 

“He’s a nice guy,” Sungjin replies, with an idiotic smile on his face. Jae chokes on his saliva. 

“Jaebum? Nice? Huh.” 

When the other nods without hesitation, Jae realizes that he’s in no place to judge. “Anyways, I’m happy for you,” he beams at him, and the other mirrors it instantly.

“Me too.” For some reason, his face falls a little, before he voices out his thoughts, “Brian didn’t tell me the reason, but he said you’re not staying?” He says, unsure of how to phrase it. Jae nods slowly, affirming his doubts. 

Sungjin takes a deep breath, his voice getting sadder, “I just wish there’s a way for you to stay.” 

Jae suddenly feels like crying. He didn’t expect Sungjin to be so thoughtful and caring. Yet, there he is, burdened by something not his fault, in the slightest. 

“It’s not-” he doesn’t even know what to say, so he lowers his head. “It’s out of my hand.”

A hand settles on his shoulder. When he lifts his gaze, he’s met with Sungjin’s reassuring, yet sympathetic eyes, “I understand.”

“Thank you.” 

-

After Sungjin leaves, Jae decides to search for Wonpil, who’s disappeared since morning. It doesn’t take him much time searching, he’s in the storage room, counting down bags of coffee beans. Has he been there the whole time?

“There you are.”

Wonpil does not spare him a single glance, passively writing on his small notepad. 

“Are you going to tell me why you’re so upset?” Jae demands, after standing, waiting for more than five minutes, “Are you angry with me?”

Finally, that gauges a reaction from the other, “With you?” He scoffs, “No. Not at all. Why would I be?” He says, sardonic. 

“Oh, So you are,” Jae is not surprised, but hurt. He expected Wonpil out of everyone to be happy for him, to understand him. 

“Why?” 

Wonpil gives him an incredulous look, “Do you really not know?” 

Now, Jae is getting a little impatient, “I wouldn’t be asking if I knew.”

“I thought we were friends, Jae!” Wonpil snaps at once, “You could’ve talked to me before stupidly confessing to that human?”

Jae expected him to be angry because he didn’t tell him, but it seems there was more to the other’s fury. 

“Why are you getting so worked up about it?” He tries not to get worked up as well, to slowly understand the other’s opposition to his decision first. “What makes it stupid?” 

Wonpil replies in a heartbeat, as if he’s so sure of his answer, “Because you’re sacrificing too much for someone that might not even remember you in ten years!!” 

That’s enough to ignite Jae’s anger as well. “Okay I don’t know what’s your problem, but first of all, it’s not _that human_ , his name is Brian,” he retorts, “and _Brian_ is not like that!”

Wonpil scoffs, crossing his arms. “And how do you know?” He questions, challengingly. 

“Because I trust him,” that must’ve sounded stupid for the other, but Jae means it. He trusts Brian with his life. He knows that Brian will always remember him.

“You’re a fool!” he’s no longer shouting, but his voice is more distant now, colder.

“That doesn’t mean that Brian is like that,” Jae says between gritted teeth. Brian is not like that. 

“Is he not?” Wonpil raises an eyebrow, almost mockingly, “Cupids know more than anyone else how humans are. We’ve seen it with our eyes, for so many years, their way of love. _Your boyfriend_ can’t possibly be that different.”

Well, Jae has had enough. “Stop talking like you know everything!” He yells a the other, driven over the edge against his will. “Do you think it was easy for me to make this choice?! You don’t know what if feels like to be in my position, so shut up!” 

He’s out of breath when he finishes, and he regrets saying those words as soon as the last one is out. Wonpil, on the other hand, is still fixing him with that cold gaze, but his voice is colder, if possible.

“I do.” 

For a moment, Jae is confused to what exactly the other is replying to, but then it all becomes clear when Wonpil adds, “I’ve been there once.”

Without giving Jae the chance to recover or apologize, he leaves him alone, in a room that smells too much like coffee, and guilt. 

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise surprise!!! I'm back with another chapter =D I didn't proofread it, so I hope there are no grave mistakes!!
> 
> It's weird how no one's ever questioned Wonpil's backstory; I left a few minor hints, but maybe they were not really obvious.
> 
> Anyways, don't forget to drop a comment if you like this update (cause obviously comments motivate me to update faster ;D )
> 
> Again, wherever you are, please keep safe and healthy!!! Till next week <3 <3


	13. D-23: Star-Crossed

**D-25**

Jae has been called oblivious a couple of times in the short time he’s been a human. It was proved multiple times, what with him not noticing that Brian loved him, or that Brian knew his true identity. He thought that now nothing and no one can fool him, he’s gained some observation skills after all. But that’s the thing about being oblivious, you don’t realize that you’re being so, until reality and facts slap you right in the face. Jae’s figurative face should be hurting by now, considering the amount of slaps he’s been receiving.

The cupid knew, he was told since their first meeting. While Hyeji and Jinyoung were still cupids, with their positions at the Cupids Affairs Office being temporary, Wonpil has clearly said that he’s different, that he’s human. It should’ve crossed his mind at the time that Wonpil had history, that him being a human was a punishment rather than a choice. And yet, he brushed it off all too casually, promising to think about it later without keeping that promise. He’s such an awful friend. 

What’s more shocking and confusing, however, is the reason behind that punishment. Wonpil has clearly said he’s _‘been there once’,_ in Jae’s position. What did he exactly mean by that? His strong opposition to Jae and Brian’s relationship has to mean something. Still, asking himself all these questions is kind of futile. He’ll only get the whole story from Wonpil, who’s disappeared once more after leaving the storage room.

Jae returns to Brian’s apartment after hastily bidding the others goodbye, he even forgets to get some clothes while he’s there. His boyfriend notices his gloomy state right away and doesn’t think twice before hugging him tightly. Not being the prying type, Brian doesn’t ask too many questions, somehow satisfied with the ambiguous answer he got from Jae. 

_‘Wonpil was wrong,’_ the cupid keeps telling himself, letting his boyfriend smolder him with affection, _‘Brian is different.’_

He doesn’t know who he needs to convince more, himself or Wonpil, and that only adds to his frustration and distress. Luckily for him, Wonpil doesn’t let him suffer for too long.

_‘We need to talk’,_ he texts him, when he’s already in bed. He’s been trying to sleep for a while, in vain. Not even Brian’s comforting caresses could help him relax. He nothing but jumps out of bed, startling his boyfriend in the process. Brian insists on driving him to Hyeji’s, and even offers waiting for him, but Jae doesn’t know how long this is going to take, so he wishes him goodnight with a sweet kiss and a promise of seeing him tomorrow. 

It’s a little past midnight, so he tiptoes inside, afraid of waking anyone up. The house swimming in silence and darkness, the only source of light being the sconce by the kitchen’s wall.

“Wonpil?” Jae calls, squinting his eyes. Said guy is sitting on the kitchen counter, legs crossed, a beer in his hand, and another by his side.

“You sure are fast,” he taps the spot next to him on the counter, “Do you want a drink?” 

“Sure,” a drink won’t hurt in Jae’s current state of mind. He walks in his direction and leans against the counter, not trusting it to hold both their weights. He takes the already open beer, and swigs form it, trying hard not to gag at the burning in his throat. Alcohol is just not made for him. Wonpil seems to notice this and snorts. 

“You really are like her,” he says, out of nowhere, reminding Jae why he’s here. The endless questions resurfaces once more.

“Who?” He asks, straightforward. Beating around the bush won’t get them anywhere, anyways. 

Wonpil releases a heavy sigh, eyes downcast, “Cupid W429,” as if that saying the same alone took a toll on him, Wonpil gulps down the rest of his beer in one go. He puts the empty can back on the counter, and inhales deeply. Talking about this must be really hard on him.

“She was the next in line, right after me, and she followed me like my shadow. We were kind of inseparable,” that peeks at Jae’s attention. It’s really uncommon for Cupids to grow any kind of attachment to other cupids. Everyone is busy doing their job, so they cross paths once in a while, and that’s if they work in the same area all the time. Cupid J100 is the only cupid Jae has ever gotten close to. 

“She was very lively and mischievous, only knew how to smile,” he beams sadly, reminiscing faraway memories. From his repetitive use of the past tension, Jae can only imagine what happened to her. 

“That was until she met that human,” all the fondness disappears at once, replaced by hatred and anger, “At first, I didn’t think much of her excessive interest in him. She did say that the human could see her, but I always brushed it off as a one of her many jokes.”

Jae frowns at that. This is really stating to sound like his and Brian’s story, especially that Brian was able to see him a few times. 

“I thought it was something she did for fun, but when it stole her smile away, I knew it became a serious matter. That human,” Wonpil nothing but spits out, as if that word is the most disgusting thing in the world, “he made her believe that he loved her. He made her yearn for more, tainted her with his greed, and a choice was made.” 

A choice. He wonders if it’s similar the one he has made himself. 

“I don’t know why I didn’t warn her back then. I just wanted her to be happy, so I told her to follow her heart,” he scoffs, “What bullshit!” 

The cupid has never seen Wonpil this angry, and clearly, most of it is directed to himself rather than the human. Jae puts his hand over his knee, an attempt to ground him and comfort him.

“What happened?” he carefully asks.

Wonpil’s eyes soften back a little bit, regaining the melancholic glint. He sighs before he resumes talking, “She touched him, and got suspended. She wanted to get suspended, so that she can become a human and be by his side, be with him. They were happy,” his words break in the middle, and his eyes are getting teary, “she was happy, so I was satisfied with watching her live her happiest days. I didn’t know that they’d be her last.” 

The revelation breaks Jae’s heart. He’s expected some kind of punishment, but not- not that. He shouldn’t have forgotten that cupids-turned-humans are not immune to death. “Did she-”

The other lowers his head, his words getting more strangled, “There was a gas leak, they said. She went to sleep and never woke again.” A single tear drops on the counter, “If it was a fire, or an accident, anything else, I could’ve saved her from it. But that, that was something I couldn’t sense, I couldn’t smell or feel. And he, who claimed to love her, who could’ve saved her, he wasn’t there for her!”

Unstoppable tears are streaming down Wonpil’s face, his sobs echoing in the silent house. Jae moves closer and side hugs him, his hand running up and down his back.

“It’s not your fault,” he keeps telling him. Death is no one’s fault. When a person’s time comes, there’s no stopping it. 

“When she chose mortality for him, I was well aware that she won’t live for too long. I just didn’t expect her to go so quickly,” Wonpil says between his sobs. He rubs his eyes with the back of his sleeves, then he takes a few deep breathes to calm down. Jae patiently waits for him until he’s ready to finish telling him the rest of the story. 

“I never understood the use of graves and memorials until then. Whenever I miss her too much, I go there and pretend that she can hear me,” he admits, sounding steadier, but sadder, “That human, he did the same for the first year or so. He was sad for some time, but it was easy for him to move on. I couldn’t even blame him for falling in love again, since it’s a cupid’s work. But I hated him for forgetting. His visits became really scarce, and stopped after a few years. On the day of her tenth memorial, he was getting married.”

Jae inhales sharply, his heart sinking. He’s knew all along how humans can quickly move on, but this serves as an awful reminder. What if it happens to him? He refuses to entertain that thought and push it away instantly.

“Seeing him that happy and that in love, on a day that should be sacred and sad, made me snap. It was a beautiful wedding, and I ruined it. I wanted to hurt him so badly.” There’s no regret in Wonpil’s voice, except the regret of not getting a proper revenge, “I sometimes wish I could’ve killed him.”

“Is that why you’re here?”

Wonpil nods, “I didn’t think they’d be so merciful with me. But maybe having a clean record does help, or maybe they just pitied me.” 

After listening to all of the other’s story, Jae understand where Wonpil’s hatred is coming from. However, and for several reasons, he can’t bring himself to agree with him. All he can do is apologize. 

“I’m sorry.”

Probably sensing his lack of conviction, Wonpil sighs in defeat. “I’ve seen how hard it was for her to make that choice. I know what kind of inner war she had to go through, but was it really worth it? Was it worth her life?” He stares right into Jae’s eyes, “Is he worth your sacrifices?” 

That’s not a novel question for Jae. He’s been asking himself that hundreds of times before and after making a choice, and each time, with no fail, he reaches the same answer.

“Every single one.” 

Wonpil stares at him for a second, as if searching for a hint of hesitation, but he finds none. That makes him groan in frustration, “How can you be exactly the same, you and her?” 

Jae shrugs, smiling sadly. He doesn’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing. At least, -he wishes- he has a better sense of judgement than her when it comes to love and humans. Wonpil keeps silently staring at him. Then, he jumps on him, hugging him tightly. He’s crying again, “I don’t want to lose you too,” he mumbles against his shoulder, “I don’t want to lose another dear friend.”

“I’m sorry,” Jae repeats, hugging the other back. He, too, doesn’t want to lose his friends. 

They stay like that until Wonpil’s tears dry out, and Jae is more composed. 

“Are you staying here tonight?” He asks, rubbing his eyes like some little kid. 

Jae helps him down from the counter. “Yeah. But I’ll probably have to sleep on the couch.”

The other gives him a puzzled look, “Why? What’s wrong with your room?”

“Dowoon is probably sleeping in there, I wouldn’t want to disturb him.” 

“Oh,” a deep blush tints Wonpil’s cheeks, “He’s not there.” 

It takes Jae a moment to understand the implication of that statement, “He’s still staying with you?” He questions, before grinning slyly, “Oh I see why.” 

Wonpil slaps his arm, trying to hide his face away, “Stop getting weird thoughts and go to sleep!” He starts walking into the direction of his room, “Goodnight, asshole.”

“Sweet dreams, jerk!” He retaliates, before adding, in a very suggestive way, “Or maybe you won’t need them.”

Wonpil raises his arm up and flips him without turning around, probably too embarrassed to show his face. Jae laughs. He’s genuinely glad that they managed to sort everything between them. Despite their disagreement about the whole issue, at least they managed to understand each other and respect each other’s point of view. He is satisfied with just that. 

The cupid enters his momentary room with a smile, that dies as soon as he takes in the empty room. A part of him wants to call Brian and talk with him until he falls asleep, but the other reasonable part tells him not to bother the probably sleeping human. He heavily drops on the bed. Maybe he’ll use his time alone to sort out a few issues with his inner self.

Morning comes before he knows it, but one annoying question haunting him remains unanswered.

_‘Do I want Brian to remember me?’_

**D-23**

“Hyung? Jae? Babe?” 

Jae feels a finger poking his cheek, it startles him as he’s been totally out of it. He whips his head to the left, facing Brian’s concerned frown. The latter is supposed to be focused on the road, not his face, he thinks, but then he registers that they’ve stopped at a red light. 

“You’ve been distracted,” Brian notes, “again.” 

There’s no reprimand in his voice, only worry, adding to Jae’s guilty. They both expected the cupid to be more composed after his night at Hyeji’s. His mood did get better, still, the repetitive zoning out was unforeseen, and of course, Brian has taken notice. He has questioned if anything was wrong, but when Jae kept brushing it off, coming with an excuse after another, he stopped asking, only tried to comfort him in whatever way he could. Today, he has promised to take him on a movie date, which Jae has just ruined before it even started. 

“I’m so sorry, it’s just-” he stops himself before uttering any other nonsense excuse. He still doesn’t know how to voice out his concern, so he lowers his eyes and finishes with a defeated, “too much.” 

For a moment, Brian looks taken aback by the sudden admission, before understanding washes over his face. The traffic light turns green, and the cars behind them start honking impatiently. Brian turns his gaze ahead, seemingly setting his mind on doing something. The car starts moving again, but instead of driving straight, he makes a U-turn. 

“That’s not the right way for the mall,” Jae points out, confused. 

Brian glances at him, gaze intense, “I know.” 

That answer seems more than enough for Jae, for now. He doesn’t question their destination again, no matter how much he’s curious about it. Even when the car leaves the city streets and goes on the highway, he’s satisfied with just watching the scenery they’re passing by. It’s nothing like the city, and it’s the nice kind of change. Probably what Jae needs at the moment. 

The flashes of green, coupled with the soft melody playing on the radio, lull Jae into a deep sleep, something he’s been deprived off for the last two nights. The anxiety has taken a toll on him without him noticing, it seems. 

“Hyung,” he hears Brian calling his voice, his hand shaking his shoulder gently, “We’re here, wake up.”

Jae grunts, hating that his for-once-peaceful sleep has been perturbed. However, one can’t get really angry when they’re being awakened by Brian’s voice. Also, Jae is still curious about their destination. He slowly pries his eyes open, the blinding sunlights making it hard for him to see anything. After a moment of adjustment, and once he registers their surroundings, Jae’s eyes widen in astonishment. His gaze switches from the expansion of golden and blue in front of him to the guy by his side. 

“I thought this might help you clear your mind a little?” Brian seems a little bit uncertain about his choice, now that they’re actually here.

When Jae stays speechless for too long, eyes blinking unnaturally fast from a side to another, he ushers him out of the car. “Come on, what are you waiting for? Let’s go out!” 

Not needing to be told twice, Jae swings the car’s door open with too much force that it makes a protesting noise. He then runs out, kicking his shoes off in the process. 

“The hell!! Why does it feel exactly like how it looks?” He exclaims, letting the sand get between his toes. He’s always questioned what it would feel like to touch sand, because while it looked soft and smooth as a whole, the grains seemed scratchy and hard. As he runs over it, the sand smoothly shifts and moves under his feet, but it’s not soft to the touch like silk and cotton. 

Brian, on his tail, releases a melodious laugh. He takes off his shoes as well, and makes a surprised face when his feet sink into the sand, “I hate to say this, but that description kind of makes sense!” 

Jae rolls his eyes, then drags him by his hand in excitement. The best part is yet to come, he thinks. Now, Jae knows what water feels like, but something about the sea waves is intriguing. They reach the shore line, where the sand is wet from the water, and as expected, wet sand in even softer and scratchier. The first wave hits his bare feet and he nothing but squeals. 

“It’s so cold! Why is it so cold?” He exclaims, not trying to tone down his amazement.

Brian chuckles, amused, “Someone forgot to turn on the heater it seems.”

The cupid shoves him by the shoulder, then goes back to chasing the waves like an overly excited kid. Even though the weather has been on the colder side these days, the coldness of the water does not bother him. He rolls his jeans up to the knees, and goes a little bit further into the water. 

“Jae!” Brian suddenly calls his name, so he turns around on reflex. Wrong move. A splash of water hits him right in the face. His eyes close on time, but that doesn’t prevent the water from going into his nose. He wipes his face with the sleeve of his jacket, the water going down his throat making him cough.

He’s about to splash the other back when he realizes something, “Wait a second,” he licks his lips, trying to take the taste in. His eyes light up, “They weren’t lying, it is salty!!” 

This time, probably not bearing with how cute he’s being, Brian pinches both his cheeks, “And you’re such an adorable kid,” he coos at him. Jae squints his eyes at him threateningly, then swats his hands away, “You’re so going to regret that.” 

The human looks puzzled for a second, at the evil grin that takes over Jae’s face, but when his boyfriend attacks him with water, he remembers that Jae is not only a kid, he knows how to hold grudges as well. Their water fight goes on for a while, joyful laughter mingling with salty water. It ends with Brian surrendering so pitifully, and their clothes soaked. It’s late in the afternoon, and the breeze is getting colder, so they need to change not to get sick. 

There’s a local shop nearby where they buy matching outfits; black sweats with a black hoodie for Brian, and a white one for Jae. They then decide to eat at a small seafood place, both having missed lunch and starving. The owner, a very kind lady, offers to dry their jackets for them, and gives them more food than they’re able to eat, regardless of Brian’s appetite. 

It’s already dark when Jae walks back to the shore. Brian went to pay for their meal, but he’s taking too long -probably chatting with the nice lady. The sea is beautiful both during the day and at night. He chooses a spot close to the water, but far enough that the sand is dry, and sits down. It’s amazing how much of the sky is visible from such a spot, and not to mention how all the stars are reflecting on the water. With the absence of the moon, it’s hard to tell where one ends and the other. Jae has the impression that he’s sitting at the edge of the galaxy, faced with an endless sky. 

The constant twinkling of the stars is overshadowed by a passing light. It happens too quickly that Jae barely registers it’s happening. A shooting star. He knows about those, but he’s never believed in the Human’s superstitions. What changed today? Why did he close his eyes as soon as he’s seen it passing, clasping his hands together and repeating his wish inside of his head and heart like a mantra? 

Hopefully, Jae relaxes his praying posture and opens his eyes before Brian comes back. He’s back to admiring the stars when a weight drapes over his shoulders. His body shivers, processing the sudden shift from cold to heat. Brian is smiling down at him, and he mirrors it automatically. His boyfriend sits down closely to him, unfolding a small blanket that he wraps around their shoulders for extra warmth. 

“She was concerned we’d get sick,” he says, making sure that the blanket covers as much of Jae as possible. 

“That’s really nice of her,” he takes note to personally thank her before leaving. 

After making sure than every inch of Jae is under the blanket, Brian leans against his side, and let the silence surround them. It’s the comfortable kind of silence, the sound of the waves filling the slightest of tension that could arise between them. 

“Brian,” Jae calls, a while later. The human hums in acknowledgment, slightly turning his head to the side to look at him.

“Why did you bring me here?” He asks, albeit knowing the answer. Still, he wants to personally hear it from Brian. 

The latter smiles softly, “They say the sea has a healing effect. I thought maybe it would help you clear your mind.” 

Jae’s heart melts at his boyfriend’s reasoning. How is it physically possible for someone to be that understanding and considerate? 

“Aren’t you going to ask what’s on my mind, then?” 

Brian shakes his head, “You’d tell me when you’re ready.” His words are certain, like he trust Jae to share with him when he’s comfortable enough to do so. 

_‘What did I do to deserve you?’_ are Jae’s inner thoughts as he searches for his hand under the blanket and intertwines their fingers together. 

“Thank you,” he tells him, dropping his head on the other’s shoulder, exhausted from running away from his thoughts, and this conversation. Maybe it’s time to let go.

“Brian,” he calls again, voice smaller this time, less certain. The other squeezes his hand, showing him that he got his attention. 

“Do you -” _regret falling in love with me?_

He stops himself, before saying something wrong, or insensitive. “Ten years from now, where do you see yourself?” 

If Brian notices that he changes the question, he doesn’t comment on it. However, his body tenses, and his hand is almost trembling in Jae’s. 

“Isn’t that too far to think about?” He questions with a dry laugh. Even his attempt at brushing it off as a joke fails. His forced smile falls when he sees the seriousness on Jae’s face. He releases a heavy sigh.

“Would you believe me if I said that I don’t know?” and he really sound and look uncertain, scared even. Apparently, Jae is not the only one. 

He nods, smiling weakly. The human averts his gaze back at the sea, a distant look on his face. 

“When I think about the future, my future, I don’t see much,” he says, after a very long, contemplative silence. “Even if it’s five, ten, or twenty years from now, I can only see myself working my office job, having the same daily routine and habits. I don’t see my circle of friends expanding- I’m thankful for having this much of friends anyways- but,” he pauses to meet Jae’s eyes, “I definitely don’t see anyone by my side.” 

It suddenly feels like someone put a stone brick over Jae’s chest. It’s heavy, hard to breath, and his heart aches. All of his fears, brought to life by Wonpil’s story, are being approved, officially sealed and stamped. And he doesn’t know how to react. He’s sworn not to cry -at least not in front of Brian again-, but he can already feel the pricking in his eyes. His throat is clogged, a dry sob threatening to spill out of his mouth if he tries to speak. All he can do is look away from Brian’s painfully genuine eyes, and pray that he doesn’t notice how badly Jae is shaking right now. 

As if set on breaking all of the cupid’s resolve, Brian continues, “I can’t- I can’t imagine myself loving anyone after you, Jae. I can’t imagine letting anyone in my life. The only different, truthfully happy future I can imagine having, you are in it.” 

“You can’t be so sure,” is all that Jae manages to say, and hopefully, his voice doesn’t break. 

His boyfriend doesn’t get in a defensive mode right away. Instead, he thinks it over for a moment, before answering, “You are right. I don’t know how I will change in the future, maybe I’ll let someone in at some point, but they will never be able to fill the place in here,” he puts his free hand over his heart, “it’s purely yours, will always be.”

And Jae doesn’t know whether to cry or smile after hearing those words. He decides on neither, as he presses himself closer to the human, resting his head back on his shoulder. He’s heard how sure Brian has just sounded, how confident he is about his heart, and he chose to believe those soft, yet intense eyes. 

Call him selfish all you want -he wants to be selfish just this time- but Jae doesn’t want to be forgotten. He wants Brian to always remember him after he’s gone. He wants to always hold a special spot in Brian’s heart. He wants his- their memories to always bring a smile to the human. 

Still, deep down, he really wishes for Brian to move on. He wishes for him to open his heart for someone else, that may fill the crack the cupid will certainly leave behind. He wants him to get his rightful share of love and happiness. And as much as he wants to be the one to grant him that much, he won’t be able to do so. That’s why he wants someone to do it in his stead. 

In other words, Jae wants to be _remembered_ , not _mourned._

Staring at the endless sky and sea with his beloved one by his side, heart suffocatingly full and heavy, Jae finally finds what has changed, what made him wish upon a shooting star. This Jae, as for here and today, is desperate. This Jae is in love, and this Jae, hopes he’s not wishing for a miracle.

_‘I wish for Brian to always be happy.’_

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter was not proofread) 
> 
> This update is long overdue and I'm so sorry for keeping you wait!!! Ch13 and Ch14 are kind of interrelated that i didn't know how to do the partitions, so i had to finish them both first. Good news is that the next update will be in only 2-3 days YAAAYYYY!!!!! 
> 
> This was a filler chapter but do tell me what you think about it =D  
> Let's be happy and healthy guys and see you soon *throws kisses and confetti*
> 
> **Additional notes:**  
>  \- Following the set of events I still need to write, the total number of chapters is going to be 17 ( 18 if my fingers keep slipping lol)  
> \- The ending has been decided long before I started updating the story, and as much as I'm tempted to change it, I'm going to stick the original ending =p


	14. D-Day: A White Lie and a Farewell

**D-10**

Time is a relative thing, a wise person -probably a human physician- once said. Cupids have no understanding of mathematics or physics like humans, but they do understand such a concept. They know that a human life, no matter how many years it extends to, will always pass by in a flash for cupids. Humans grow up so fast. One day they’re still babies, and suddenly they’re too old and pass away . 

However, the ninety days as human felt so long for Jae, like time was magically expanding. At some point, he even wished for it to go faster, and to his utter dismay, his wish was granted. The more his desire to stay became stronger, the faster time went by. That teary sunrise confession and their first kiss feel like it happened just yesterday, when in fact, that was a little over two weeks ago.

Brian does not ask. He has a lot of questions about cupids and Jae’s situation that he doesn’t hesitate asking about, but that exact question never comes up, and Jae does not bring it up. He remembers telling Brian, a long time ago, vaguely about his stay’s length, so maybe the human has done the math by himself. His doubts are proved right when Brian takes a couple of weeks off of work, just to spend more time with him. The human comes with all kind of plans, every day taking Jae to a different, new place. Everyday is a new experience. 

Today, however, he got a distressed call from work as they were getting ready to go out, so Brian had to leave in a haste, reluctant and annoyed.

_‘This is going to take some time =( don’t wait for me for lunch’_ he sends him about an hour later.

_‘I’ll tell you when I’m finished. I’m sorry ToT’_ another text follows up. Jae sends him a reassuring answer before sighing and slumping back against the couch. He contemplates going out for a stroll, or going to the café, before a brilliant idea comes to his mind and he jolts up. 

So far, Brian has been the one planning their dates, and going out of his way for Jae. He has list of all the things Jae should try as a human, so each date is different and exciting. This time, the cupid wants to be the one doing something unusual, and surprising the other. A somehow reckless part of his brain tells him that cooking dinner would be really special, and he actually agrees with it.

Yeah. _Jae. Cooking._ It’s going to be a long day.

The cupid spends some time diligently watching a few cooking tutorials online, noting down the important tips about the recipe he chose to make. When he thinks he’s got the gist of it, he makes a list a ingredients he needs, then goes to the nearest supermarket to shop. 

Having gotten everything he needed, Jae spends about fifteen minutes staring at the ingredients laid on the kitchen’s counter cluelessly. Let’s face it, he’s never cooked before, and those videos made everything a million times easier. 

_Park Jaehyung, you got this!_

After putting on an apron, inhaling and exhaling a few times, Jae sets off to work. He carefully follows the steps in the tutorials, without missing a single detail. Still, it doesn’t go without accidents. The first time, he sets the pan on fire -he merely got distracted by a chocolate bar he found in the cabinet while he was searching for the salt. He has to start over, nevertheless. And Brian needs a new pan. 

The second incident happens because he put too little water for the pasta. It sticks to the pan, and again, he throws it away and starts over. Good thing he’s bought more than he needed of every ingredient. And being a hazard more to himself than the kitchen itself, Jae also cuts his finger while cutting the garlic, burns a line up his wrist by the edge of the pan, and gets splashed by the hot oil. Now, he’s just wishing today will pass without him having to go to the hospital, or burning the whole building down. 

Anyways, a thirty-minute recipe takes him a few hours to successfully -that’s still debatable- finish, but at least it’s almost ready by the time Brian comes back. 

“Babe, I’m home.” He hears his boyfriend yelling, but he’s too busy mixing the pasta with the sauce, so he doesn’t go to welcome him at the door as he usually does. 

“I’m here!” Jae calls, notifying him of his location.

Jae has all of his focus set on the pan, waiting for the sauce to get to the right thickness -whatever that means- when he hears a sharp inhale.

“What- what happened here?” 

He briefly glances to the kitchen’s door, to catch Brian’s shocked expression, but then he’s back observing the pan. Now, it kind of looks like the one on the video, so he turns the stove off. 

“What are you doing?” comes another question from Brian. This time, Jae does detect the exasperation in his voice. He’s about to give him a smart-ass answer, but when he finally realizes the state of the usually immaculate clean kitchen, he panics. Everything is a mess, dirty dishes are everywhere, even the floor has some oil and water spilled on it, and there’s a burnt pan in the sink. 

Jae was too focus on cooking that he didn’t bother cleaning or organizing anything. Now he feels bad. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes right away, “I thought I’d cook us dinner for tonight, but I guess things has gotten a little out of hand- or maybe a bit too much,” he laughs nervously, “But don’t worry, I’m going to clean everything afterwards-”

His boyfriend closes the distance between them in two strides, and without a warning, plants a sweet kiss on his lips. “You cooked for me?” 

His gaze is nothing short of whipped as he carefully examines Jae’s face, his thumb gently cleaning a smudge on his cheek. When did that even get there? 

The cupid nods, his heart fluttering. His lips tug in a smile, mirroring his lover’s expression. “Go change, it’ll be ready in a minute.” 

“Okay,” Brian says, but doesn’t let go without pecking him on the cheek. 

It takes Jae a few seconds to wake up from his love-sick daze, but as soon as he does, he starts setting the table in lightning speed. He still needs to change. The apron did protect his shirt and sweats from getting dirty, but not from the smell. He grimaces after sniffing himself. With Brian still in the bathroom, he uses that chance to quickly change into a clean outfit, and spray some deodorant on himself. He finishes his preparations by bringing out the expensive wine bottle he got from Hyeji -stole, technically. 

“Garlic shrimp pasta?” Brian is both surprised and impressed when Jae sets the plates on the table, “Don’t tell me this is a lucky guess?” 

Jae sits down with a sheepish gin. “Of course not. I know that it was what you always ordered form your favorite Italian restaurant, and that you got really sad when it closed down. I know that this won’t be as delicious, but I tried.”

Brian smiles at him, “Thank you. I’m sure it’s delicious.” 

He digs his fork into the past and starts rolling it, and that’s when Jae realizes he didn’t taste the final result. Oh no!

“Wait wait wait!!” He stops him just as he’s about to bring the fork to his mouth. 

Startled, his boyfriend frowns in confusion, “What’s wrong?”

“Let me taste it first,” he doesn’t wait for Brian’s reaction, and changes the fork’s trajectory to his own mouth. He munches twice before -

“Shit,” he swears, more at himself than at the pasta or taste itself, “It’s salty.”

_Park Jaehyung, you had one job!_

“It’s okay,” Brian reassures him when he sees his disappointed face. 

“No it’s not,” great, he’s just ruined the one special thing he wanted to do for his lover. “Let’s just order something,” he says, standing up and getting the plates with him. They high probably are going to end in the trash can. He feels like crying. 

However, Brian doesn’t let him take his plate away, “Who said I’m not eating it?” He stabs his fork back into the pasta and -to Jae’s horror- stuffs a big portion in his mouth. 

“This is delicious!” He says with his mouth too full, “Why are you being picky? It’s not that salty.” 

The cupid gives him a skeptical look, “Really?”

Brian reaches for his hand over the table, holding it gently, “I really love it, so relax, will you?”

When he’s sure Jae is no longer upset, he fills his glass with water and drinks it. “It is a little bit salty though.”

That gains him a loud gasp from Jae, and a fake-hurt expression. When he tries to take the plate from Brian once more, the human protects it with both his arms. He’s laughing loudly, enjoying Jae’s reaction a bit too much. 

“You know I’d still eat it, even if it’s burnt black,” he still says, grin half teasing, half honest, “since you’re the one who made it.” 

Jae makes a face, just to distract him from the embarrassingly dark blush coloring his face, “Gross.” And Brian only laughs harder, satisfied that he’s got his boyfriend flustered once again. 

True to his words, Brian licks his plate clean, and finishes Jae’s. He then helps him clean the kitchen, no matter how many times Jae has insisted that he’d do it alone. 

It all feels too domestic for the cupid, like an old couple doing mundane things together. Being sweet, while bickering like little children, at the same time. He’s curious how would it feel to live like this till they grow old together, but he knows that’s a luxury he can’t afford. He shouldn’t be waisting time thinking about it, let alone wish for it. He pushes the pain such a thought brings to him away. Jae is satisfied with what he currently has.

_Seeing Brian’s smile is enough._

-

After finishing with the clean up, Jae finally gets a chance to shower. It’s getting cold and late, so they decided to stay inside for tonight. When he comes out of the shower, he finds Brian already lodged on the sofa, playing a game on is phone. A mischievous grin settles on the cupid’s lips as he drops on him without warning. Brian squeals, both surprised and gleeful. His hands wrap instantly around Jae’s waist.

“You didn’t dry your hair,” he points out, tugging at one of Jae’s blond locks. 

Jae makes himself more comfortable on the human-pillow he got, “I don’t feel like it.”

The human pushes him gently, clicking his tongue in disapproval, “You’ll get sick. It’s getting colder these days.” 

“I don’t care, I’m too lazy for that.”

This time, Brian fully pushes him off. Jae releases a disappointed whine at the loss of body warmth. 

“Come on, I’ll dry it for you,” he pulls him by the hand to the bedroom, and forcefully sits him on the bed. He gets the hair dryer from the bathroom, and plugs it in the closest electrical outlet to the bed. Jae sits facing the window, as Brian kneels on the bed behind him. He starts by drying his hair with a towel first, carefully dabbing his hair. 

“It’s raining again,” Jae comments at the rain drops hitting the window in a consistent manner. 

“Winter is almost here.”

Jae hums in acknowledgment. “I don’t like the rain,” he confesses. Rain makes him melancholic. The first time it rained while he’s here, it soaked both him and Brian in raindrops and tears. And now as his departure is approaching, it started raining almost daily. 

“But I like snow,” he adds, automatically. He’s always loved the snow, and maybe not being able to feel it would be one of the many regrets he’s going to take with him. 

“Snow is vicious though, too cold,” Brian shudders as he throws the towel to the side and turn on the hair dryer. The sound it makes masks the pitter patter of the rain, and with Brian’s fingers gently running through his hair, and massaging his scalp, Jae almost falls asleep. 

Just as he’s about to close his eyes, the hand in his hair stills, as well as the one holding the hair dryer. Jae waits for a few seconds, thinking that maybe Brian wants to say something. However, no reactions or sound comes from the guy for too long that he is starting to get concerned. 

“Bri?” He calls, tilting his head to the back. 

His boyfriend breaks from his daze, startled, retreating his hand from his hair way too quickly, as if he’s been burnt. 

“Is everything okay?” Jae raises an eyebrow in question. 

Brian looks like a deer caught in headlights. He stammers and avoids his eyes, but when Jae squints his eyes suspiciously at him, he gives in. He turns off the device in hand and sets it on the bedside table before speaking. 

“Your-” he clears his throat, “your tattoo, uhmmm,” he drawls, cheeks tinted pink.

This is probably the first time his boyfriend catches glimpse of his infamous tattoo, he concludes. Well it should be, as the shirt he’s wearing -Brian’s- is too big that it almost hangs off his shoulders.

“Oh,” Jae blinks a few times, “do you want to see it?” 

Brian nothing but panics, “No no no that’s not what I meant!! I just realized it’s on your back, that’s all!”

“So, you don’t want to see it?” Jae questions again, faking a dejected pout. He loves it when his boyfriend gets all too flustered like this. And it’s revenge time, for earlier.

“No of course I want to see it!” He answers quickly, but then his eyes widen. It’s like the more he speaks, the more he lets out, worsening his panicked state, “But that doesn’t mean that you should show it to me! I know that it’s personal and all and I wouldn’t want to pry or force you to do something that you don’t want to do!” He finishes with a pant, and Jae almost laughs at him if not for the amount of consideration in that statement. 

He flashes him a sheepish grin, and in one swift movement takes off his shirt, his whole back on display so Brian could see the tattoo clearly. Poor guy releases a series of flustered objection sounds, and Jae is afraid he’ll cover his eyes or something if he doesn’t explain. 

“I didn’t want the others to know about my tattoo, not you,” he starts, and he can actually hear the other’s breath calming down instantly. “Those are my wings -or at least a version of them- so they’re part of the big secret, which you already know about,” he adds, just to further reassure him. 

Brian hums, then stays silent for one long moment. “They’re so beautiful,” he says, almost breathless.

“Can I-” the question is hesitant, cut short a bit too forcefully. Confused, Jae glances over his shoulder, to find Brian’s eyes fixated on his back, his hand hanging midair, as hesitant as his voice. It’s then that the cupid realizes what kind of position they’re in, or how he’s practically half naked. A rush of blood travels up his neck, so he turns back to face the window. 

“Yeah,” he still lets out, not finding it in himself to deny his boyfriend such a request. Not that he minds. 

Jae waits, as Brian hesitates for a few more seconds before letting his hand do what it wants so badly to do. The touch is electric, sends waves of shivers down his spine, makes the hair on his skin stand. It takes all of Jae’s willpower not to move or release an embarrassing sound, as Brian’s fingertips trace the black lines of his tattoo one by one, starting from his shoulder blades, down to the small of his back, lighting a fire on their trail. 

As if that wasn’t enough to drive the cupid insane, the fingertips are soon replaced by a plush set of lips. They linger for a while on the nape of his neck, before they start traveling down his back, slowly kissing each bump of his spine, one at a time. Jae has long given up restraining his vocal cords, letting free a low moan every now and then. However, a bite on his shoulder is what brings him to his breaking point. 

Not bearing with the teasing anymore, he turns a bit too hastily to meet those lips in a feverish kiss. But that’s barely enough. So, Jae climbs in Brian’s lap and straddles his hips as he deepens the kiss, his arms circling his shoulders, and hands buried deep in his dark locks. They kiss passionately like that for a while, lips and tongues and teeth clashing. Jae’s whole body feels on fire at this point, blood rushing in all directions, and head dizzy. Still, his thirst seem unquenched, the desire only building up, and up, in an unstoppable pace. 

Brian’s hands are all over his body, warm and soft and grounding. With a swift movement, he flips him over, caging Jae between his body and the mattress. He’s now leaving feather kisses down the cupid’s neck, around his collarbones, his shoulder, and down his chest. His lips travel up again, and they settle on the junction between his neck and shoulder. He sucks and nips at the skin, driving a particularly loud moan from Jae. The sound seems to snap Brian out of his haze.

Before Jae could register what’s going on, his boyfriend is sitting far away at the edge of the bed, eyes downcast in shame and face burning red. Jae’s body shiver at the coldness that hits his naked chest. He surely prefers Brian’s body heat.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, puzzled by his lover’s strong reaction. 

The human refuses to make an eye contact with him, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to go this far,” he apologizes, voice laced with guilt. Realization washes over Jae’s face, and his lips curve up in a fond smile.

Usually, Brian is the one to break their too-passionate make out session, or to avoid being too touchy in such situation, not to make things more heated than they already are. And Jae understands that he wants to take things slow -probably for his sake-, but this shouldn’t be too soon considering how much time they have left. They’ve already broke a lot of those norms when they not-so-officially moved in together starting the first day of their relationship. 

And most importantly, Jae _wants_ this, _needs_ it. Being with the human has opened his eyes on what sexual desire actually means, what lusting after someone feels like. And he can’t imagine wanting someone as much as he wants Brian. Especially right now. 

Jae inches closer to his lover, giving him his best pout. “I don’t see what’s wrong with going this far.” 

Brian’s distressed, widened eyes meet his, and he smiles nervously at him. “Do you think you’re the only one who wants this?”

The human is visibly having a hard time holding back, especially with how close Jae is, and how he’s looking at him with literal bedroom eyes.

“Are you sure?” He asks, searching for any kind of hesitation or fear behind all that desire. 

The cupid smirks, throwing his arms around his neck and pressing their chests together. “Kang Brian,” he can literally feel said guy’s heart thumping harder, the low tone making his breath hitch. 

“ _I want you_ , is that clear enough?” 

With his inner tease making an appearance, Jae intentionally lets his lips brush against his lover’s burning ears. That seems to tip him over the edge, last bits of self-restraint evaporating in thin air. A surprised, high pitched shriek leaves Jae when he’s suddenly pushed back against the mattress, Brian hovering over him with half-hooded eyes. 

“This is my last warning for you,” his voice is somehow deeper than it usually is, and it does things to Jae that he’s too embarrassed to admit. With a frustrated groan, he brings Brian’s face down by the back of his neck, meeting him halfway with his already swollen lips. 

“Stop talking, will you,” he orders between hungry kisses. 

And gladly, Brian does exactly that, and _more_. 

**D-2**

“Bri, I’m home!” 

The cupid drags the relatively small suitcase to the living room. Brian is exactly where he left him, sitting on the ground, back to the couch, with all of his focus on the screen of his computer. Jae drops a small kiss on top of his head, getting a happy grin in return. It falls as soon as he notices the suitcase. 

Jae was bidding goodbye to his friends. They all know that he’s traveling somewhere far away, and that he’s saying goodbye a bit earlier to them so that he can spend a few days with his boyfriend before leaving. However, not all of them know that ‘somewhere’ can’t be reached by human’s means of transportation. It’s better that way, he thinks. If they simply lose contact with him because of the distance, it will be less painful for them to move on. He’ll just be a passerby in their lives, no big deal. The luggage is just for the show, to make his story more believable. 

Brian’s expression darkens, because he knows what Jae went to the café for, and what that suitcase mean. 

They are running out of time. Refusing to do a countdown doesn’t make time stop, it turns out. Not looking at the calendar doesn’t prevent the days from passing by, one by one without a rest. The cupid tries his best to keep himself calm, though. He’s not sure how much he succeeds at doing so, but he hopes he’s doing better than Brian. The latter is getting restless, and has been doing a very poor job at hiding it. His excessive attempts at hiding it is high probably what’s making it too obvious. 

They’ve spent the last two weeks running from a place to another, as he made Jae try everything he could possibly think of. They’ve tried sports like basketball, football, tennis, and even bowling - the cupid sucked at most of them. They even went paragliding -Brian cried midair and refused to open his eyes the whole time. Escape rooms, themed parks, public parks, skating rinks, karaoke bars, clubs, museums, art galleries, they’ve went everywhere. Jae highly doubts there’s a part of the city they didn’t visit yet.

All in all, there’s no slowing down the human. He’s always searching for new things to do, and making detailed plans for them. He’s barely getting any rest or sleep these days, and it’s starting to show. 

Brian tears his gaze from the suitcase and forces a smile when they lock eyes. Jae hates this.

“So I found a nearby spot- a mountain- where it’s currently snowing. It’s just a two-hour drive away, what do you think?” so that’s what he’s been doing for the whole day. He must be too excited to have found such a place, that Jae hates killing his joy with his answer. 

“Can’t we just stay here?” He asks in return, beaming nervously. Brian’s expectant expression falls, a confused frown forming between his brows. 

“Is there somewhere in particular you want to go to?” 

Jae sighs, before closing the other’s laptop with his palm, and sitting next to him on. “I meant here, as in here, inside this apartment.”

“Oh.” 

“As much as I appreciate your impeccable efforts, I’d rather spend some time with just you, alone and together.” He clarifies, trying his best not to slip and say ‘my last day’ or something the like. However, he doesn’t need to spell it out for his boyfriend for him to understand. Brian’s confusion melts as soon as he processes the words. His smile is still too heartbreaking to look at, although it’s a genuine one this time. 

“That sounds great as well. Alone and together.” 

**D-Day**

Jae has always thought that Brian is the clingiest out of the two of them, but after spending two days plastered to the poor human’s side, he starts questioning the validity of that belief. Brian doesn’t seem to mind, though, him too refusing to let go even for a few seconds. It’s understandable, though. They both are afraid that one of those touches would be their last. Jae, in particular, fears disappearing while Brian is not around, without saying goodbye. 

So for the last two days, they’ve barely stepped a foot outside, getting delivery whenever they get hungry, or cooking something promptly, before going back to lazying around. They play video games, and Jae finally finds something he’s good at -Brian is just too bad. They try watching some classical rom coms, but every happy ending is like a reminder of what they can never have, so they switch to plain comedies. Those do lift the mood a little bit, and yet, the tension hanging inside of the apartment is too heavy, almost tangible, that no comedy could cut through it. 

Maybe it’s a coping mechanism, or maybe it’s reality finally catching to him, but Brian develops some kind of word-vomit, which is way worse than his usual randomness. It’s like he’s finding it really hard to stay silent, like if he doesn’t talk, time will go faster. It doesn’t slow down either.

Their war against time is coming to an end soon. Way too soon if you ask Jae. It could be happening any moment now. He’ll be pulled away, and he’ll never see Brian again. _His_ Brian. 

The cupid thought he’d be scared of what awaits him, but he’s not. His mind is too preoccupied worrying about Brian that he can’t bring himself to worry about his own end. What will happen to Brian? Will he be okay? How is he going to cope? Those question has been hunting him for too long, and now they spare him no mercy. The clock is ticking over his head. 

It’s almost midnight. They lay on Brian’s bed, the lamp on the bedside table casting a little bit of light over them. Both are pretending to be asleep, while they’re well aware that the other is awake. Through the complete silence, Jae can hear his lover’s almost strangled breath, and feel his irregular heart beats under his palm. The arms around his waist are like a steel grip, almost bruising. They don’t relax not even after an hour or two. He doesn’t mind them, him holding Brian with the same strength, same despair.

“I-” Brian is the one to break the silence, voice failing him as he hold back his tears. “I wish I could do something- anything- to make you stay.” Jae’s grip on his shirt tightens, “I wish I wasn’t a powerless human.”

The cupid has promised himself that he won’t cry, but who is he kidding, that’s impossible. Not when Brian himself is silently tearing up. He shakes his head weakly, finally finding the courage to look back to the other’s face, and into his eyes. 

“Believe me, you’ve done more than enough,” he musters a teary smile, “You’ve given me more than I’ve ever wished for.”

Brian closes his eyes, letting another silent tear slide down his face. He takes a few calming breaths, so that when he reopens his eyes, and speaks again, his voice is more composed.

“Will you watch over me?” 

There’s a silver of hope on his face, that eases some of the guilt heaving Jae’s heart. He’s always been truthful with his boyfriend, about anything and everything, expect one particular detail. He’s not intending on telling him the truth. Never. Brian is better off thinking that Jae is back to his previous life. Maybe that way it will be easier for him to bear with the pain. 

He caresses his cheek lovingly. “Always.” 

When a hopeful, weak smile adorns Brian’s lips, Jae decides that that lie is worth the guilt. 

“Don’t skip meals, and eat something in the morning other than just coffee,” he tells him, brushing his hair to the side softly, “Make sure to wear enough layers when the weather is cold, and don’t push your body when you’re sick.” Brian is crying again, and it takes all of Jae’s strength to keep his voice steady, “Take a vacation once in a while, don’t be a workaholic. Try to be more friendly with your colleagues, and make new friends.” His fingers brush against the human’s lips, “You have the most beautiful smile ever, so make sure to always smile, not for anyone’s sake, but yours.”

There’s a familiar, gentle hand on Jae’s cheek now, wiping his tears away. It’s getting harder and harder to speak, still, there’s a lot he needs to say.

“If you find someone, allow for yourself to fall in love again, and to be happy, cause you deserve all of that and more. You deserve to love and be loved, Brian.”

Brian’s lips quiver, and he shakes his head. “I love you.” He manages to say between his broken sobs, and it’s the most beautiful, and heartbreaking _‘I love you’_ Jae has ever heard. It brings a genuine smile to his lips.

It’s on the tip of his tongue when a lightning-like energy surges through his body in an almost painful manner. His wings, for the first time in a while, spread free behind his back, white and glowing, further enlightening the previously dark room. Brian’s eyes widen in pure panic, his hold around Jae stiffens. 

It’s time. 

“I love you.” 

Jae lets their lips meet for one last time, before everything around him vanishes. Suddenly, he’s no longer in Brian’s room, no longer in his lover’s arms. He’s back into that all-white space, sitting in front of a high white desk. However, this time, he’s confronted with not one, but three elder cupids. 

The fear and panic, he waits for them to hit him, since he’s finally here, but they don’t. In his disoriented, yet unbothered state, he registers the elder cupids speaking, calling his cupid name, re-stating his case with an exaggerated amount of details. Hyeji was right. The trial goes in a very systematic way. They go over his past mistakes, the mission, the success. And once they clear that away, they go through his relationship with Brian. They read out all the rules he’s broken, and finally agree on his final punishment.

“Cupid J159,” one of them calls in a very monotonous way, “you are sentenced to the Extreme Punishment.”

After the final verdict is announced, the cupid sitting at the middle hits the gavel three times on the table. And everything goes white. 

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1/3 of fluff (hopefully), 1/3 of a poor attempt at whatever that was (just let your imagination do the rest lol), 1/3 of tears (did you cry tho?)
> 
> the longest chapter by far, and it could've came out a lot better, but my brain is failing me these days TT__TT tell me what you think about it, and what you think will happen next =D 
> 
> Have a nice day/night guys!! Love you all <3 <3 <3


	15. 90 Days of Sunlight

**D-90**

It’s all the same. It’s always the same. The routine, the indifference, the loneliness, the void. Losing the will to live is dangerous, they say, but do they know about not having a will for both life and death? 

Kang Brian is at a point in his life where he’s indifferent to both life and death. If he lives, then he lives. He’s fine with just existing. If he dies, then he dies. What difference would it make?

It’s all the same.

The same apartment, same streets, same office, same people, same lifestyle. Everything is too consistent that he’s just living on autopilot. Wake up, get ready, go to work, come back home, eat, sleep, then repeat. And Brian is satisfied with what he has. He never wishes for more. He does not wish to be sucked in the black hole of greed. 

Today is also the same. Except it’s not. He feels weird, the haze of monotony getting thicker around him, further disconnecting him from the outside world. It’s not a bad feeling per se, and that’s probably what’s making it even weirder. He blames it on the dream he had the previous night. Well, dreams are also a part of his routine, especially this one with his late parents and foster mother. This one usually makes him less lonely, reminding him that once he had a family. And they’re usually smiling at him, telling him encouraging words. 

However, in last night’s dream, they were telling him how much they missed him, and wanted him to visit. It soon turned into a nightmare when their faces changed and they started chasing him. Brian was panicking in his sleep, wanting to wake himself up to no vail. 

Suddenly, a blinding golden light saved him, that certain light that always saves him from his nightmares. It instantly calmed him down and reassured him, knowing that even if it’s just a bad dream, nothing would hurt him in there, when the light is by his side.

He was slowly emerging back to consciousness, a soothing warmth flooding his body, flowing from his head down to his toes. In his sleepy state, his eyes fluttered open for a fraction of second, and a smile automatically found its way to his lips. There it was, the blinding light and the silhouette, just like it’s always there whenever he’s having a perturbed sleep. The warmth dragged him back to sleep before he could further study the face looking down at him.

Brian is not sure how much of it is in his head. At first he thought it was part of his dreams, but for it to keep repeating for years, he highly doubts his imagination is that creative. A crazy part of his mind refers to the person appearing with the light as his guardian angel. Maybe they do exist after all. 

Anyways, Brian refuses to further think about his dream, and ignores all the forbidding dullness lingering around him. He realizes what a mistake that was when he’s about to reach his workplace. He’s so used to the morning buzz that all the loud noises don’t alarm him or distract him anymore. So he definitely doesn’t pay the loud cracking sound any mind, never thinking that it would be raining rocks just a moment after. Hell, he doesn’t realize that there are rocks coming from above until something firm pushes him back. A body. Someone. 

Amidst the shock and panic, his brain register that the source of the push remains unknown, invisible. However, before his body could hit the ground, a light flashes in front of his eyes, and there, atop of him, there’s a guy. His head, then, hits the ground, hard. The last thing he sees before loosing consciousness is a pair of weirdly familiar eyes, and another rock falling his way. 

_‘Are those, wings?’_ was his last thought. 

**D-89**

Park Jaehyung is so peaceful when he’s asleep, a stark difference to the glare and the hard look he’s given Brian when he was awake the previous day. Can he blame him, though? The guy was hit by a rock, on the head, while saving Brian from death. It’s a miracle he’s still alive, really. And Brian is glad he’s still alive. He doesn’t know how he’d go on with his life with the knowledge that a stranger has died saving him. 

_A stranger, huh?_

Brian takes a seat at the corner fo the room, and opens his bag to get his sketchbook. His special sketchbook. There are only a few drawings on it so far, body parts and incomplete faces, something that Brian does not usually draw. He’s thought his inspiration for them was out of his imagination and dreams for so long. But after studying them one by one through the whole night, and comparing them to the sleeping person on the hospital bed, he finally reaches the conclusion that no, he’s not losing his mind, and yes, he’s seen the guy before. When and where, that’s the tricky part.

_‘It’s all your fault!’_ Jaehyung has screamed as soon as he’s first seen him, and something inside of Brian tells him that there’s a whole different reason under that fury other than being hurt. He tries to think of other possible reasons, but comes with none. If this guy is really and angel or whatever mythical creature Brian believes him to be, then that opens the door for millions of possibilities and more. 

_‘Who are you, exactly?’_ He wonders, staring at the sleeping guy. 

Brian can almost confirm that he’s an angel, seeing him like that. And suddenly, he’s hit with an urge to draw, his pencil moving smoothly over the pristine paper. He barely feels the need to study the guy’s face more than a few seconds every now and then, the curves and lines of Jaehyung’s face coming to him almost like a distant memory, a sense of deja vu. 

**D-58**

Brian has never been scared of the dark, or ghosts, or even animals and insects, but his greatest fear has always been affection. Whether giving or receiving, affection scared him more than anything else -even more than heights. He doesn’t like people getting too close to him, just as much as he avoids getting too close to people. A distance should always be kept. That’s his first rule. Sungjin was an exception, but even with him, Brian has never been totally open and accepting of his feelings, thus their breakup. They’re better off as friends, it seems. 

Brian would usually blame his fear of affection to him not being a warm person, in general. He believes that things like affection and love should be taught since a young age, but he didn’t have the chance for that. Learning how to love starts with parents, and that’s something he didn’t have for too long. 

However, if he stops with the non sense excuses, and starts being more genuine with himself, Brian would realize that he doesn’t fear love. 

Parents hug their children after a long day at school, friends joking and laughing with each other, couples holding hands and hugging, he always watch those with a bittersweet smile. Why would anyone be scared of such moments? No, Brian wants to have people like that in his life. Brian _yearns_ for that. 

What Brian really fears, what he’ll give up any type of affection just to avoid, is the loss. He hates loss, no matter the cause of it, be it death, separation, breakup, betrayal, anything. He hates it all the same. 

Loss is scary. Loss takes away the dearest people from you without asking for permission. It’s sudden and cruel, and life will never be the same, ever again. Brian’s life has not been the same for longer than he can remember. He’s promised himself that he won’t allow for himself to lose anyone, ever again. And for that, he shouldn’t have someone to lose, in the first place.

Brian has been doing a great job at keeping that promise. That, until Park Jaehyung happened. 

“Can I give you a hug?” Was Jae’s answer. _‘I’m never coming back’_ , was what he meant. 

It was useless for him to hope, really. He’s knows since the very beginning that Jae won’t be staying, that his existence in Brian’s life is temporary. And Jae shouldn’t be anything more than an acquaintance for him, a responsibility thrown at him to take care of. A duty. 

But Jae is very interesting, and Brian is very curious. And that has turned out to be a lethal combination, to say the least. 

Without him realizing it, or thinking of stopping it, Brian has allowed for Jae to parade into his life, his heart, and even his house. He’s let him invade every personal space he cherished, and break every unspoken rule he put for himself. And the worst of it all, he doesn’t mind any of it. 

Despite his endless fear, Brian accepts Jae’s hug with a nod, and all the affection that comes with it.

**D-49**

“Don’t you think we should help him?” 

Brian shakes his head, his eyes still stuck on the long silhouette siting outside, seemingly having an absurd dispute with some little girl. He’s too entertained by the sight to interfere. And Jae is awful at hiding himself. Did he really think they wouldn’t recognize him in that outfit? 

The guy has been really weird lately, obviously planning something that Brian couldn’t guess, no matter how long he thought about it. It was Sungjin that has pointed out the obvious, calling him stupid for not noticing it. Of course Jae was trying to set them together, he’s a cupid after all. 

_A cupid._

It took Brian some time to realize that as well. He went a long time thinking that Jae was an angel. But one of his oldest sketches has a quiver full of arrows and a bow in it. Also, Jae is very obsessed with matching people, and relationships in general. He probably does it out of habit, but whenever he sees a couple, he’s fast to point out the kind of relationship they’re having and at what stage they are. Brian blamed it at him having good observatory skills and attention to details, but no one is that good unless they have a long background. A very long one. 

The last hint Brian collected -and it made him almost kill himself for how stupid he can be sometimes- was the most obvious one. When Jae was at the hospital, feigning memory loss, the first person that came to collect him was his alleged aunt, Hyeji, who -oh so surprisingly- owns a café with the word ‘Cupid’ in its name. Brian hates to admit that that’s some clever move.

“Shouldn’t you just tell him how you feel?” Sungjin questions, half amused, half concerned. “At least that will stop him from trying so hard to get us together.” 

“How I feel?” He echoes back, eyes fixed on Jae as he nothing but runs away from the scene he just caused. 

Brian does not try to deny it, because he’s well aware that his feelings for Jae has been developing dangerously fast. He used to like him -like a lot-, as for recently. But this, the steady, yet fast rhythm his heartbeats follow whenever he as simply as think of Jae. Or the calmness that overtakes his mind, and the genuine smile that easily finds its way on his face, it’s not about like anymore. This is more serious, runs deeper inside of his heart and soul. 

_‘It is love.’_

The confirmation of something that big, something he thought he’d never have, something he’d never accept to have, he expected it to be devastating. Instead, it washes over him like a lazy wave, drowning him in peace and acceptance. It does not shake him, he welcomes it with open arms, and heart. A moment of clarity, and serenity.

“You’re both hopeless,” Sungjin says with a chuckle, probably catching the love-stricken expression on his face. He must be enjoying teasing Brian too much, and for once, Brian doesn’t mind, because he really is, hopeless. 

_Hopelessly in love._

**D-35**

Love for Brian came in the form of a half-human, half-cupid -or whatever Jae was at the moment-, who has an excessive love for sweets and chocolate, and is easily excited, but easily scared as well. And Brian has allowed for himself to be swallowed by the hole of greed.   
He thought he’d be okay with just having Jae by his side as a friend, he promised himself that he won’t ask for more. He thought he’d be able to do that, to endure the pain. It seems that he overestimated his self-restrain, or underestimated his love for the other. His love for Jae has made him greedy.

The first time he slipped, he ended up yelling a half confession at Jae, and almost putting an end to their friendship. His second was a drunken mistake, that he barely remembers all of it. It still made things worse. Jae shut himself off fro days, and no matter how much he insisted that it had nothing to do with Brian, the latter knew. It was his fault and he needed to fix it. 

He tried, and he almost succeeded at that. Everything was almost back to how it was. Almost. He should’ve sensed the eerie calmness. Destiny was never that nice to him, anyways. 

Somehow, Jae has found his sketchbook. _The_ sketchbook. And this time, he literally runs away, without looking back. Brian has seen the guilt, the fear, the helplessness in the other’s eyes, but no anger. He only knew how to deal with anger, though, and not the rest. So when Jae disappeared in the rainy night, he didn’t chase him for a second time. They both needed time to think.

Brian hates himself for being selfish, for forcing his feelings on Jae. He has long accepted that Jae is not staying, has been surprisingly in peace with that certain detail. However, he kind of forgot that he’s nothing but a human, and Jae is a cupid. That should make a difference. They are different. 

Jae has wings and can fly in the sky. Brian lives his life walking on the ground, avoiding all kind of heights. Jae is bright and warm like the sunlight. And Brian is the shadowy corner that’s always been out of the sun’s way. Someone so pure and heavenly should never be tainted by a pathetic excuse of a human being like Brian. 

For Brian, Jae is unreachable. 

Swaying between awareness and sleep, and totally uncaring of the hour, Brian sends a pathetic apology to Jae. ‘I’m sorry.’

_‘-for loving you.’_

**D-29**

“So that’s why I could see him too!” Brian exclaims, almost in disbelief. Well, it’s not that he didn’t have his suspicions, but that doesn’t make hearing the whole story any less surreal. 

They’re currently in his apartment, having a heart-to-heart talk while eating dinner. There’s a lot that needed to be clarified, it turned out, and they certainly couldn’t have this talk in a public place.

Jae hums, shoving three fries at a time in his mouth. He’s already finished his burger somewhere between explaining his mission, and telling Brian how jealous he was of Sungjin while trying to set them together. 

“I think it’s some kind of a glitch or something, if it happened to me and Dowoon.” he says after swallowing, “The moment between breaking a rule and being pulled for a trial, we became visible for humans, I guess,” he shrugs casually. “But I don’t know how you could see me before that. Do you, by any chance, have some superpowers?” 

Brian laughs, pushing him by the shoulder playfully. “You’d know if I had any.” 

The other grins sheepishly, “True.” 

It’s a lot to take in at once, even if Brian has long knew that Jae was a cupid. Never in his life did he expect for them to exist, let alone have a whole system with rules and punishments. It should be fascinating, but all that Brian could feel is worry. What if-

“You’re overthinking, again.” Jae comments, putting the fingertip of his index finger on the frown between his brows. The crease smoothes out instantly.

“What is it?”

Brian knows that such a concern should be voiced out immediately, but his fear for the answer makes him hesitate. He’d let himself be selfish this once if Jae’s wellbeing wasn’t possibly at stake. 

“Is it okay for you to be with me?” He asks, gaining a confused look in exchange. “I’m human,” he emphasizes, “our relationship, is it allowed?”

Jae’s gaze turns serious as soon as he processes his words. Brian’s breath get caught in his throat. Of course there has to be something. An exchange of destiny. At least he had to experience what it feels like to be with Jae for a few hours. He’ll cherish this day-

Jae flicks his forehead. Hard. “You watch too many dramas.” He deadpans, before amusement and laughter takes over his whole expression. 

“You’re so mean,” he pouts, rubbing his throbbing forehead. 

“Oh did I hurt you?” Jae feigns guilt, although the big grin that refuses to leave his lips, “Let me kiss it better.” He leans closer and drops a brief kiss on his forehead. “Did it help?” he then asks, with big, innocent eyes. 

Brian is sure he’s blushing. He should be used to Jae’s ultimate weapon by now, but well, he’s only human. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” he points out, feeling that the other is only trying to distract him from the real issue.

Jae smiles reassuringly, “Why would there be a rule banning us from dating humans when they’re not supposed to see us in the first place?” That’s kind of convincing for Brian, but still-

“And don’t forget that I’m technically a human for now, that means I can do whatever humans do,” he adds, and Brian can’t really argue with that. 

He just smiles back, letting relief wash over him. He chooses to belief the joy and love in Jae’s eyes. If he notices a small hint of insincerity, he totally ignores it. 

Jae would never lie to him. 

**D-23**

The beach was a lucky guess. Something he came up with in the spur of the moment, and thankfully, it worked like magic. Gone are the concerns and dark shadows heaving Jae’s face as he plays around with the water. He’s nothing short of an excited kid, and he even eats like one. 

Brian would give anything to know what’s burdening his boyfriend to that extent, and more to take that weight off of his shoulders. Only if Jae allows it. But, Brian would never pressure him into talking. If he’s comfortable enough with sharing, he’d do it. If not, then all Brian can do is be by his side, help as much as possible, and wait for it to get better. 

After their meal, Jae steps outside first, letting him deal with the bill. The owner gives him back their jackets, dried, and a small blanket to shelter them from the cold wind. After thanking her multiple times, Brian happily walks to the shore, where he’s spotted his boyfriend sitting. 

Even from far away, he could see the hunched lines of Jae’s shoulders. They’re obviously back, his burdens, and they bring the concerns back with them. Brian slows down, hugging the small blanket closer to his chest, hoping it will warm his heart a little. He does not want his brain to get into dangerous vicinities, but he can’t help but wonder, about the real reason behind that distress. He has a lot of guesses, some are his own, and some are just fears, almost made up by the wicked side of his mind. 

He gives up thinking after a while, deciding on distracting Jae rather than leaving him to his thoughts for any longer. That’s when it happens. 

A shooting star. Brian has a lot to wish for. It would be a struggle to choose just one, really. However, it doesn’t cross his mind to wish for anything, at the moment. He doesn’t believe in this kind of things, and it will only give him false hopes. He’d prefer sticking to his reality.

Still, as soon as he sees the instant reaction of Jae, he copies it without question. He doesn’t know what wish had the other so desperately wishing upon a star, but he, too, was desperate for one certain wish of his -one that sits at the bottom of his heart- to be granted. 

So he closes his eyes, and let the words repeatedly play in his mind. 

_‘I wish that no harm will fall upon Jae.’_

**D-9**

Brian loves waking up to Jae by his side. It gives him something to anticipate mornings for. Like having his boyfriend curled to his side, seeking warmth form him, or having him sprawled like a star, taking two thirds of the bed for himself. Or having an arm and a leg thrown over himself, Jae using him as a body pillow. 

Right now, Jae is sticking to his side of the bed, laying on his back with his mouth slightly open and hair a mess over the pillow. He’s snoring lightly and Brian is tempted to record him, because he’s always insisting that he doesn’t snore. The only thing stopping him from doing so is being too lazy to leave the bed to get his phone. He didn’t see the thing from last night, anyways. It will be a hustle, searching for it.

Jae is not a morning person by any mean, and Brian always wakes up early by force of habit, no matter how much he tries to sleep in. It’s okay, though, because that gives him a chance to watch the other sleeping. He’d call himself creep for enjoying it, but his brain is always fast to provide an excuse for him. 

_You won’t get to see this again. Enjoy it while you can._

It doesn’t help that Jae looks totally ethereal and angelic when he’s asleep like that. Brian highly doubts he’ll ever get sick of this sight. He wishes life would give him a chance to see if he’ll actually get sick of it -he won’t, but he wants that chance so, so desperatly. 

Jae shifts and turns in his sleep, letting the comforter slip down his naked torso. Brian, being the good boyfriend he is, and knowing how relatively cold the room is, pulls the comforter upwards again, covering the other to the neck. 

“Are you done watching?” Jae says in his lazy, morning voice, eyes remaining closed.

Brian is a little bit startled, but not the least embarrassed. He knows that Jae knows that he stares in the mornings. Instead, he reaches for Jae’s untamed hair, and let his fingers slowly brush through it. Brian is sure that his hair is longer now, but weird enough, his roots didn’t grow black. Jaebum would be really devastated if he knew that Jae is, actually, naturally blond. No wonder it suits him this much. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” he tells him, with a teasing tone. Jae groans, finally opening one eye to glare at him. That purpose is lost somewhere when Brian flashes him a happy grin. He closes that eye and scoots his body closer to Brian’s, sheltering himself from the light. 

“Good morning to you too,” he mumbles against his chest. 

Brian’s hand automatically moves to Jae’s upper arm, running the back of his fingers and knuckles against the soft skin. 

“How are you feeling?” He questions, voice lowered and caring.

Jae looks up at him with a face-splitting grin, trying his best to open his eyes. “Amazing.” He says, before dropping a kiss over Brian’s chest, just where his heart is supposed to be. “Fantastic.” another kiss. He then looks up again, with a wider, more sheepish grin. “And starving.” 

Amidst the bashfulness of being showered with affection this early in the morning - it’s almost noon though-, Brian manages a whole-hearted laugh and a “You’re so adorable!”

His boyfriend laughs along with him, accepting the complement easily. 

“What do you want to have for breakfast?”

“Something sweet!” Jae exclaims instantly, excited, and he should’t have asked. 

“How about chocolate crepes?” He suggests. That’s a recipe he learned just a while ago because of Jae. The latter’s eyes lighten, and he’s suddenly awake.

“Sounds sweet and chocolaty enough!” He blinks a couple of times, “Can I have chocolate on it too??” He requests, and Brian decides it’s not the time for a lecture about blood sugar levels. He nods. At least Jae has asked politely this time.

“Do you want me to help?” he offers, his voice holding a sense of pride. 

Brian shakes his head, “You’re banned from the kitchen for at least a week,” he firmly says, holding both Jae’s hands in his. Four fingers are wrapped in bandaids, and there are a few angry red spots around his wrists and forearms that still need attending to. 

“As much as I’ve enjoyed last night’s dinner, I can’t let you harm yourself more than this.” He clarifies, and Jae pouts, dejected. 

“Go shower first, okay,” he taps his head twice, getting a nod in return. 

They smile at each other before he leaves the warmth of the bed. His body shivers at the coldness that greets him, so he runs to the closet to get a hoodie. He hears Jae cursing as he leaves the bed too, running towards the bathroom in nothing but his underwear. 

“Why is it so cold!!” He complains, swinging the door shut behind him. “You better not forget my hot chocolate!” he warns, and Brian shakes his head in amusement. 

“I won’t!” he shouts back, heading to the kitchen, the smile never leaving his face. 

And that’s how Brian’s mornings have been ever since Jae technically moved in with him. They’re loud, yet calm, hectic, yet lazy, and especially, cold, yet warm. Because while the weather kept getting colder, Jae’s presence was brighter and warmer than any sunlight. 

**D-Day**

Brian knows what it feels like to lose someone that you love more than anyone, but he has never experienced what goodbyes feels like. His parents left so suddenly, and his foster mother passed away when he was not by her side. Even when he knew that her time was limited, he still missed saying his his goodbye. He promised himself that would never be the case with Jae. He’ll stick to his side to the very last second. 

He even had enough information collected to guess how long they have left. However, as days kept slipping away, and the dreadful day kept approaching, his fear for that farewell only kept rising. He wasn’t sure he could do it anymore. 

Jae has said he’d give anything for some extra time with him, but Brian has nothing of the likes. No wings, no powers, certainly no more than one lifetime, and not even money. What’s the rest of his meaningless life worth, anyways? If he combined that with his heart, soul, and whatever he’s worth of as a human, would it get him an extra second with Jae? Would it ease his greed for more? Would it make Jae any less miserable? 

So yeah, Brian does not have much to give. That’s why he ended up trying to squeeze years of memories in a very limited time. He wanted to give Jae as much of happy memories and different experiences as possible while they were together. However, it only felt like he was trying to run away from the reality, his anxiety ruining any kind of joy arising from those moments. He wasn’t even sure whether that was what Jae wanted or not. It was not. 

Jae’s wish was simple. He wanted to spend time with Brian, alone and together. He wanted his _last day_ to be with just the two of them, in the small apartment. 

Hours, minutes, and seconds are ticking by. The sun disappears in the faraway horizon, letting way for the dreadful night. And Brian holds Jae like a lifeline. He holds him so hard, as if that would stop _them_ from taking Jae away from him, as if _they_ ’d have mercy on him and would let him have the only person he’s ever loved so dearly. 

Brian has wished to let Jae go with a smile, but that was beyond him. So he cries. He cries for his lover, and for himself. He cries for being useless, for not being able to fight for his love, and much more. Jae cries too, as he says his goodbyes. But Brian can’t talk with how hard he’s sobbing, doesn’t know what to say, even. All he can manage is a weak _‘I love you’_ that he wishes will be enough to convey all of his unspoken words and feelings. 

Jae smiles, and it’s oh so beautiful and genuine, it almost brings peace upon his trembling heart. But then, Jae starts glowing, a pair of white wings unfurling behind his back, and everything is suddenly too bright. Brian would’ve thought the sight to be gorgeous, if his heart and mind were not going through a complete state of terror. And even now, all he’s capable of is holding Jae closer to himself. 

It’s time. 

One last _‘I love you’_ , and one last kiss are what he gets, before Jae is gone, leaving Brian alone on the bed, hugging himself. 

Everything is, once more, dark and empty. 

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to see a few snippets of Brian's POV of a few things. I had the biggest writer's block writing this chapter so I ended up writing ch16 first hehe (in other words, next update is coming very, very soon, you won't have to wait for another week)  
> Only 2 chapters left!!!! i can't believe it!! Thank you for sticking with me for so long T^T we're almost there!!! 
> 
> Have a good day/night, and don't forget to be happy, safe and healthy everyone <3 <3 (and listen to TBOU: Gluon when you're at it ;D )


	16. A Birthday Wish

A beautiful, white feather, and a brokenhearted Brian. That’s what was left on the bed after Jae has vanished into thin air. 

Time suddenly loses all of its importance, as Brian remains there, in the same foetal position. He keeps drifting from the cruel reality to a distressed sleep, before waking up with a dry cry of a name on his lips, over and over again. Every time he opens his eyes, he hopes for it all to be a bad dream, and for Jae to be there by his side, sleeping peacefully. But the empty side of the bed leaves no doubt, that this is his reality, the one that he should accept. 

So he clutches desperately on the white feather, the only tangible evidence left of Jae’s existence in his life. The three previous months were real, and not just some wicked game of his mind. Jae was here, Jae was real, and Jae was his. 

And most importantly, Jae is still out there, somewhere. Brian can’t see him anymore, but he knows that he’s there, probably somewhere really close. It wasn’t death that tore them apart, but their difference, their natures. 

That brings a lot of consolation to Brian. Jae is not hurt. He’s just back to his original life, and he’s probably shooting arrows and flying in the sky like he always used to do. He might be even watching him right now. That last thought is what pushes Brian to collect the shards of his broken heart, to ignore all the sorrow and loneliness, and to continue on with his life. 

_‘Always,’_ Jae has promised, and that promise keeps him going. 

-

Brian eventually goes back to his dull routine, back to living on autopilot, as if nothing has happened. Those few months were just a beautiful dream, that he was cruelly awaken from. Now he’s back to reality, and reality is unforgiving, ruthless. 

It’s all the same. It has always been and should stay that way. The routine, the indifference, the loneliness, the void. He’s used to them. They shouldn’t be affecting him this much, and he definitely shouldn’t be hating them as much as he does right now. 

He pushes himself off his bed, forcing his gaze not to linger on the other side of the bed. The room is freezing cold, so he rushes to the bathroom. After a hot shower -that warms his skin, but does nothing to warm his heart-, Brian stops for a minute to stare at his reflection on the bathroom mirror. His face looks exactly the same, no less healthy than it has always been. That’s good. If he notices how the darkness underlying his eyes is getting heavier, day by day, he ignores it, and hopes that whoever notices it would do the same as well.

_‘You have the most beautiful smile ever, so make sure to always smile, not for anyone’s sake, but yours.’_

A gentle voice inside of his head reminds him, like every morning, so he forces the corners of his lips upwards. It’s anything but beautiful, half pained and half forced. He keeps it whatsoever. Maybe, after a lot of practice, it will become a habitual smile. Maybe one day it will be more relaxed and natural, and maybe- just maybe-, it will become more genuine.

Brian dutifully prepares his breakfast, his mind blank and hands moving on their own. He doesn’t miss his meals anymore. If anything, he eats more regularly and more healthily than he usually does, even if everything tastes like sandpaper at best. Breakfast became sacred as well, and not just coffee. He places the omelette and the cup of juice on the table, and sits on his usual seat. The other chair remains vacant. 

Buying two chairs was never his plan when he first moved into this apartment. He was tight on budget and had to spend a few weeks eating on the kitchen’s counter. As soon as he got his salary, he went straight shopping for a dining table, as if it was his biggest priority -the living room was literally deserted at that time, and he lacked a lot of necessities. And despite needing one single chair, he ended up buying two. _‘Maybe it will come in handy’_ , he kept convincing himself. 

The chair kept collecting dust for years, but Brian refused to even move it or sit on it. Call him crazy, delusional, or desperate, but he once thought that that chair kept him company. It made his meals less lonely. Something inside of him kept telling him that he was waiting for someone to come and fill that space. And Jae did come. He sat there like that’s exactly where he belongs to, and claimed that space as if he’s its rightful owner. He was. Still is. 

Brian eats his breakfast -and the rest of his meals- while imagining someone sitting across of him. If he strains his ears enough, he could almost hear the traces of a cheerful voice still echoing through the silence of the apartment, and that’s what probably make his meals more tolerable, keeps the food going down instead of out. 

Life goes on. And Brian goes on. 

He’s more cheerful these days, especially at work. He probably has never talked this much with his colleagues before, especially about non-work related topics. They were taken aback at first, surprised at his sudden socializing. But they were fast to get accustomed to it. Brian wonders if they could see past his forced smiles, if they could see the sadness following him like his own shadow, and if that was what made them accept him so easily. Whatever their reason was, he despises the pity he sees in their eyes. 

After work, he goes on a brief stroll to wash away some of the day’s stress. No matter how many times he tires to fool himself, Brian knows that the walk is not him trying to stay healthy, but rather him stalling from going home that soon. That has to be the worst part of his day. Opening the door of the apartment, hopelessly expecting a certain someone to welcome him back with a huge smile, but be greeted by darkness and disappointment instead. 

The apartment is as empty as it has always been, and yet, Brian can’t stop the pain of longing, of missing the person that used to fill his days with happiness and love and light. It’s scary how in the shortest of times, Jae was able to erase years, and years of solitude. He made Brian forget them, like he’s never went through them. Now, he doesn’t even recall how he used to endure being that lonely, and he has to learn it all over again.

Despite everything, Brian does not cry. He holds it all inside and cages it away. Even at night, when the loneliness gets too overwhelming and the memories show him no mercy, and when his eyes fill with tears, he reminds himself that Jae might be watching, that it would be hard for Jae to watch him cry. So Brian stays strong for Jae. He can do that much. And he survives on that belief for a surprisingly long time. 

That, until the nightmares starts. 

Brian has lost Jae once in real life, but he has lost him an endless amount of times in those nightmares. No matter how hard he tries to hold on, to protect the other, or save him, it always ends in the same way. And what’s scarier than the nightmares themselves, is that there’s no light saving him, or interfering to end his torture. There’s no warmth seeping through his body, calming him down and lulling him back to sleep. Brian is left like an easy prey for them, every night, trashing in his sleep only to wake up with a cold sweat and a desperate cry. Now he just dreads going to sleep at night, because he knows they’d be waiting for him. 

Brian keeps reassuring himself that Jae is fine, that he’s watching over him like he promised he’ll do. But it’s just too lonely, and he would feel it if Jae was around. He’s felt it before. He can’t see him, that’s true, but there’s no way he’d be feeling this hopeless and alone if the cupid kept him company. Jae would always chase the bad dreams away.

With the nightmares haunting him at night, and the shadows of doubt and fear following him around during the day, Brian can only count the days before he finally snaps, or loses his sanity, whichever comes first. He can’t focus anymore, becoming really scatter brained, and his thoughts are always finding a way around to get him into really scary places. 

He hesitates for sometime, but there’s only one way to end his suffering. Or at least some of it.

-

The cupid café remains the same, just like everything else. For a passing moment, when Brian gets inside, he expects to find Jae causing a scene or annoying the staff, as usual. But when he’s greeted by unknown faces of customers and part timers, he does everything not to get disappointed. His brain has been mixing past with present, and reality with dreams a bit too much, lately. 

“Brian hyung!” Jinyoung waves at him from his spot behind the coffee machine. He waves back, walking slowly in his direction. 

“How have you been?” the barista asks, concern showing behind his wide smile. 

“Good,” he winces at how flat his answer has came out as. He ignores the visible pity on the other’s face, and asks about what he came here for, “Is aunt Hyeji here?” 

Jinyoung shakes his head, “She stepped out for a minute with Wonpil.” He gets his phone from his pocket, “You can wait for her in her office if you want, I’ll call her.”

Brian sends him a grateful, polite smile, “Okay I’ll wait, thank you.” 

No one guides him to the said office, he’s been there a number of times anyways. He sits on one of the chairs across the desk, fidgeting nervously. The option of leaving comes to him one too many times, so he tries to distract himself with his phone, but there’s nothing stopping the bouncing of his knees. A shy knock on the door startles him from his fight with inner, coward self. The guy that comes in is vaguely familiar, but Brian recognizes him right away.

“Hello,” he says, placing a steaming cup on the small table in front of Brian, “Jinyoung hyung sent you this, for your wait.” 

Brian beams at him, “Thank you,” he puts his phone down on the table, then takes the cup in his hands. The heat helps him warm his hands, and calm him a bit.

The guy doesn’t show any signs of leaving, so he asks him, “You’re Dowoon, right?” 

Dowoon nods knowingly, as if he’s expected Brian to recognize him. 

“I’ve seen you,” he admits him. He clears his throat before adding, “that night.” 

The guy nods again, “I know.”

His reckless actions that night would always be a bitter memory for him. What Dowoon did has alleviated some of the consequences of his drunken mistakes. Brian suddenly feels the urge to say something he’s wanted to say for so long. “Thank you.”

That gauges a surprised look from the other, “There’s no need to thank me.” He insists, shaking his head repeatedly. His expression then turns sad, “I don’t think hyung would’ve loved you any less, regardless of my arrow.”

The admission fills Brian’s heart with warmth, as much as the use of the past tense tears it apart.

“His love to you goes way before that night,” Dowoon adds, as if he’s trying to make a point, “you do realize that, right?” 

“I do.” Brian says, certain. He’s never doubted Jae’s love towards him. Never. 

Dowoon’s smile is warm, albeit the grief burdening his face. “It all shall pass,” he puts a heavy hand on Brian’s shoulder, “please stay strong.” He pats him again, then leaves. 

Brian likes that not once did the other look at him with pity, just empathy and encouragement. 

-

“Brian!” 

Hyeji comes a few minutes later, with Wonpil on her tail. “It’s really you!” She gives him the briefest of hugs, tapping his back casually. 

“Brian hyung,” Wonpil nods at him in acknowledgment, giving him a small smile. 

Hyeji rounds the desk to sit on her seat. “How are you doing?” She asks, lightly. The question still holds a lot of weight and hidden concern.

He forces a small smile, just enough to reassure her. “I’m sorry for the sudden visit,” he starts, sitting back down. 

She shakes her head, and sincerely says, “You know you can come here whenever.” 

Brian beams, his gaze alternating between her and Wonpil, who’s now sitting across him. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

He pretends not to notice the fall of her smile, or the sudden tense in Wonpil’s posture. She nods, nevertheless, encouraging him to continue. 

“I know what you are,” he pauses to study their reactions. Hyeji doesn’t seem the least surprised, but Wonpil is shocked, to say the least. “Did he tell you?” He questions, in disbelief.

Brian shakes his head, “I figured a lot of it by myself, he just confirmed my doubts.” He then turns to Hyeji, “He told you, I guess.”

“He did,” she admits, so he decides not to beat around the bush. 

“I know that you can see them.” Hyeji doesn’t react, but her silence is enough of a confirmation. 

“Does that mean that you can see him too?” He hates how hopeful he’s just sounded, but he really can’t help it. 

Hyeji speaks without even thinking it over, as if she had the answer ready beforehand, “Brian, you know I can’t reveal much. This is against the rul-”

He holds her hand with a bit too much force, “Please,” he nothing but begs, already too desperate, “I just want you to answer my question, and I promise that I won’t bother you again, ever.” 

She hesitates for a second, visibly contemplating the options. At the end, she gives in with a small nod, and Brian almost hugs her in gratitude. He takes a deep breath before hesitantly asking, “Is he- is he here at the moment?” 

Hyeji slowly shakes her head, but he doesn’t let it get to him. He didn’t expect Jae to follow him around everywhere, anyways. The cupid still has a job to do. 

“You must’ve seen him recently, though. How is he? Is he okay?” This is the most important question for Brian. He’s here to know whether Jae is fine or not, and he’s not leaving without a clear answer.

Hyeji smiles sadly, and he can almost feel his heart fall, but then she nods, “He is alright. Jae is doing just fine.” Her hand turns around to hold his and squeeze it, “You have nothing to worry about. Really.”

Brian thinks of searching for any hints of a lie, but stops himself before going any deeper in the hole of doubts. His lips stretches into a smile, and for once in a very long time, it’s genuine, almost happy.

“I’m glad,” he exhales heavily, letting go of the weight he’s been holding onto for so long, “That’s a relief.” 

And it really is. Brian has been worrying for nothing. Now, he can truly say that his life has a purpose, that all the weeks of pain he’s been through were not meaningless. As long as Jae is fine, he’d endure it over and over again, with a smile and a content heart.

“Thank you.” He tells her, his smile getting wider and wider. He then stands up, barely hiding his excitement. “I should go now. Can’t disturb you any longer.” 

“Goodbye, Wonpil,” he waves at the other, who’s been looking kind of lost for the past few minutes. “I’ll visit again soon. Let’s talk then!” 

Brian almost skips out of the office, and once he reaches the front, Dowoon and Jinyoung give him curious looks. They must be wondering if the grief finally made him lose his mind. He thanks them for the hot chocolate when they refuse to let him pay for it, and promises to come back soon. 

With his lunch break nearly coming to an end, Brian rushes out of the café. However, as soon as he’s out in the street, he remembers that he’s left his phone inside. He really needs to do something about his forgetfulness. Sighing, he rounds the café, opting for the backdoor for quicker access. The office door is closed, but there are some voices coming from inside, which means that Hyeji is still there, thankfully. 

Brian is about to knock when a relatively loud voice reaches his ears. His hand stops midair.

“What did you want me to say?” It’s Hyeji. He wonders who’s she talking with and what’s making her sound so harsh.

“Anything but lie to him.” Comes Wonpil’s voice, and Brian’s hand falls to his side, all of the excitement and high he was in crashing over his head. Who this discussion is exactly about? It can’t be him, right?

“I didn’t do that willingly, and you know that very well!” Brian has to strain his ears to hear her next words, “That was the one and only thing he’s ever asked of me. I couldn’t say no.”

Wonpil curses, his frustration going beyond the door and reaching Brian clearly. “For how long are you planning to keep this lie? A year? Two? Till the end?”

Brian holds his breath, not wanting to miss her answer. 

“Wonpil, you’ve seen him just now. Do you think he can take the truth?” 

There’s a long silence, afterwards. It feels like an eternity for Brian, with all the doubts playing with his head. They just reassured him that Jae is alright. What can they be hiding from him, then? His anxiety is already at an unbearably high level at this point.

“If you were in my position, would you be able to tell him the truth?” Hyeji asks, words and tone helpless, but Wonpil doesn’t seem to back down. There’s a pause before he speaks again, tone firm and determined.

“Brian deserves to know what has happened to Jae, that’s what I am saying. They’ve been in this together, all along.” 

_What has happened to Jae._

Suddenly, Brian can’t seem to stand straight, his knees almost giving in under the weight of the shock. _What has happened to Jae?_

“I didn’t say he doesn’t, but do you think he’ll be able to live with the blame?”

And that’s more than enough to confirm all of Brian’s previous doubts. Something bad -very bad- has happened to Jae, and it’s his fault. It always is. Hyeji is for once right. Brian would never live with the self-blame. He’d never forgive himself for hurting Jae, whether be it intentional or not.

“Wonpil,” she calls again, her voice alarming, “Brian shouldn’t know about the punishment, are we clear?”

Brian finally has had enough. He can’t listen to this conversation anymore. He takes a deep breath -that does nothing to ease his anguish- before knocking on the door. Eavesdropping is bad. And Brian didn’t hear anything. When he gets the permission to go in, he enters with a forced smile. If he notices their nervousness, he ignores it and walks directly to the table, “Sorry, I forgot my phone!” He says, a bit too cheerfully. He grabs the device and bids them goodbye once more, as quickly as possible so that they won’t notice the strain in his smile. Thankfully, they’re too shocked to react or say anything. 

And Brian didn’t hear anything.

He had the answer he came here for, and his phone. He should leave. Any additional question won’t do him any good, anyways. But having too many doubts is also a scary thing. And are they just doubts? After everything he’s just heard? 

Totally against his will, his body stops before he reaches the door, and the question is out before he could swallow it down. 

“What punishment?” He slowly turns around. They’re barely trying to hide their panic this time. A deadly silence falls over the place, one that he fears to break. Still, knowing the truth is more important.

“You said punishment just now,” he repeats, barely holding it together. “Was he-” he takes a shuddered breath, “was he really punished?”

“Brian-” Hyeji starts, and something inside tells him that she’s not intending to answer, so he cuts in sharply.

“Just-” he stopes himself mid cry, trying to calm himself, “Just tell me the truth, will you?” What was meant to be a demand, came out as a plead instead. 

Wonpil approaches him carefully, “Okay sit down first, and I’ll answer all of your questions, I promise.” He forces him down on the chair, and gives him a cup of water. Brian drinks obediently, the drink barely passing the rock currently lodged in his throat. The promise of the truth is the only thing making him comply and wait patiently.

They’re both staring at him nervously, studying his actions one by one. He hasn’t calmed down yet, his heart beating too fast, yet in a very unrhythmical pattern, and his body shaking slightly. But if he waits any longer, he’ll just have a mental breakdown. He needs to hear the truth. All of it.

“Why was he punished?” Out of all the questions flooding his brain, he just throws that out, not being able to think straight anymore.

Hyeji gives him a sympathetic look. He has a feeling that whatever she’s going to say, he won’t like it. Brian hates how right he was, when he finally hears her answer.

“It is forbidden for Cupids to get into relationships with humans.” 

“But he- he told me that it was okay. He told me that there are no rules against it!” He cries in denial. Jae has reassured him over and over that he would be okay. She must be lying. Jae would never-

“Jae has lied to you,” Wonpil states, as if he could read his mind. 

Helpless, hopeless, and utterly stupid Brian slumps back in his seat, all hope leaving him at once. He’s left with nothing, not even denial.

“Why would he?” His voice is barely above a whisper, asking a more stupid question.

“Were you in his position, would you tell the truth?” Wonpil fixes him with a hard look, not blaming, but not forgiving either. “Even if you knew that such relationship is worth the highest level of punishment?” 

It feels like blades were tearing his heart, over and over again. Brian wondered if those blades were for real, would they hurt as much as they do right now. 

“Highest level of punishment?” He echoes back, too numb to be shocked anymore. 

Wonpil nods, “We call it the Extreme Punishment.”

Brian swallows down multiple times, hoping to clear a path for his voice. “Like- like _death_?” He manages to finally ask, the word tasting like acid in his mouth.

Hyeji shakes her head, “No, not death. More like exile?” 

If she aimed for that answer to be reassuring, then she’s totally failed at that. Brian doubts that anything they’d say would ease him down at this point. 

“So, he’s sent far away? To another place?” He questions, barely finding it in himself to be hopeful this time. 

“Yes and no.” Wonpil says, then starts explaining it slowly for him, “Yes, because the place he’s sent to is far away. No, because it’s not in the human world. Not even cupids know where is it or how to reach it.” 

Not in the human world. That means that Jae no longer co-exists in the same space as him. But Brian has long decided that Jae’s well being is more important than his location, and whether he can feel his presence or not.

“How bad is it?” 

Wonpil avoids his gaze, so he turns to Hyeji. She sight deeply, “Would you believe me if I said no one truly knows? All that we know about this punishment, is that they disappear for a long time.”

“How long?”

“Long enough that no cupid remembers them when they are back. Long enough that when they’re back, they don’t remember who they were before the punishment, or why they received it for in the first place. They come back too blank, that they don’t consider it as a punishment, just a rebirth.”

_‘Long enough that you will be long gone by then,’_ is what she clearly wants to say. Whether if it’s a decade, a century, or a millennium, Hyeji would’ve mentioned it. Not putting a label on the time span meant that it went more than that. It didn’t just go beyond the humans understanding of time, but even the cupids’. 

“Is it painful?”

Brian doesn’t know how to take the new information in, or how to process them. He just keeps asking questions, hoping to find a silver of hope in all of this misery. There are none, obviously, but he still needs to know everything. He needs to know what kind of hell hole he’s thrown Jae into.

“Cupids don’t use physical violence, no matter what, but,” Hyeji stops, looking apologetic, “but that doesn’t make it any less cruel.” 

Cruel is an understatement for what they made- are making- Jae go through. But who are they? The other cupids? How guilty are they of Jae’s punishment in comparison to Brian, the source of it all? 

All the frustration, the self-blame, and regret keep building up and up, and they suddenly turn into an eruption of fury. 

“Why didn’t you stop him?” He abruptly stands, sending them accusatory glares. “You knew about this, so why didn’t you try to stop him?”

They seem to notice how he’s only redirecting the blame in their direction out of helplessness more than anything else. Instead of defending themselves, they just stare at him in silence, sympathy and guilt written on their faces.

“We did, many many times,” Wonpil finally admits, “but the final choice was his to make.”

“Why would he? Why would he choose me over his life?” He questions, voice weak and defeated. And he doesn’t wait for an answer, because he has it. 

Jae said he’d give away anything in exchange of some extra time with him, and it’s not that Brian didn’t believe him. He’s never doubted a single thing he’s said to him, but he’s never, ever, considered the weight of those words. It didn’t cross his mind that Jae could really give away his lifetimes for him. It didn’t cross his mind that Jae was ready to face the unknown, and to endure it for so so long, to lose himself, just to be with him. Was he really worth all these sacrifices? What did he do to deserve them? 

The answer is that he did nothing, and he doesn’t deserve them, will never do.

And he’ll have to live with that guilt. Brian didn’t deserve to die. No. He’ll have to live for as long as possible. He’ll have to allow for the self-blame to eat him alive, day by day, until death eventually comes for him. Brian deserves to suffer for as many years as possible, and it won’t be enough. It would never be enough. 

And it won’t bring Jae back.

“Listen Brian,” Hyeji’s soft voice tears him away from his dilemma. She tries to take his hand in hers, but he pulls it away, not trusting her anymore. She doesn’t let it get to her, and resumes talking, “this was not an easily taken decision, Jae has thought about it for a long time. And till the very last second, he didn’t regret it. He never did.”

Brian hates how true those words are. 

“I should get going.” 

He nothing but runs out of that place, ignoring all of their calls. He runs all the distance to his apartment, bumping on people and stumbling multiple times. He runs, but never catching up with how fast his mind is running. He opens the door to his apartment with trembling hands, and as soon as he’s inside, he collapses against the wall. Everything comes tumbling down on him, and forcing him too to crash on the ground. 

That day, Brian cries for the first time. 

His inner self still doesn’t allow it, but the urge to let go is stronger than his will, especially with the knowledge that Jae is not watching him at the moment. He’s really, really, alone, with no one to pity him or judge him, with no one to comfort him or wipe away his tears. And he cries. He cries for Jae, for all he had to endure on his own, for all the burden he must’ve carried on his own, for the pain he has to face, for the future that awaits him. He cries for himself, for his stupidity, for his blindness, for his inability to do anything, for not being able to comfort the only person he’s ever, truly loved. 

Brian cries, and cries, for hours and hours to no end. Until his tears dry, and all energy leaves his body. He can’t even hold his body up, the wall being his only support. When he gathers enough energy to stand up, he drags his weak, helpless body to the bed, and drops himself there, like a dead weight, before drifting into a dreamless sleep.

At least the nightmares spare him this time. He doubts that any nightmare would be worse than his current reality. 

-

It’s the 19th of December, Brian’s birthday. A day he never anticipates. A day he spends like any other day. It was never special, but this year, it’s different. Brian has made a promise, one that he’d never break. 

It falls on a Thursday, so he asks for the day off in advance. It’s been hectic at work recently, but his boss allows it without a single question, as if sensing the necessity of it, or maybe it was out of pity -Brian has not been in that great of a mood for a while. His coworkers must be really confused about his drastic behavioral changes. First, he became exceptionally friendly with them, and suddenly, he went back to being distant and sad, even worse that before. He highly doubts that he’ll ever get better. 

_‘You should also dress nicely.’_

Brian sticks to wearing a plain maroon turtle neck, black jeans, and a certain jean jacket. It was the first gift he ever got from Jae, and he’ll be damned if he doesn’t wear it on such a day. For the sake of not freezing, he ends up throwing a black coat atop of them. It looks acceptable on the mirror, so he considers that task accomplished.

_‘Go somewhere you wanted to visit for a while, or a place you like, whichever works best for you.’_

Brian does not wonder much about where he wants to go. He lets his legs lead him instead. If he ends up on a very high rooftop of a certain building, then it’s mostly a force of habit. He’s lost count of how many times he’s been here in the last couple of weeks. The head of security recognized him, and after listening to his story -he had to exclude a lot of details- he allowed him an unlimited access to the rooftop. Jae must’ve left a really strong impression on the man. He did have that effect on people, after all. 

Brian stays there for a while, the height barely affecting him anymore. The cold wind kind of paralyzes his restless mind, as thinking becomes a struggle, and by consequence, breathing becomes easier. Weird enough, being on this rooftop is not as lonely as he thought it would be, a distant happy memory keeping him company the whole time. 

When he finally comes down, his body is freezing, but his heart is warmer, just a little bit. 

Next, Brian visits his parents. He’s never liked the graveyard, but at least he had somewhere to go to mourn them. At least he knows where they are. Brian sits between the two graves, and tells them about everything. He tells them about Jae, and he hopes that even if it sounds crazy to his own ears, they’ll believe him, because he knows that at some point, Jae was there. Jae was real, and Jae was his. 

He talks, and talks, and talks, until his throat goes sore, and his tears dry on his cheeks. It helps. He feels lighter now, like a dead weight has been removed from his chest. He’s never realized how much not talking about this has weighted him down until he let everything out. Probably, that wasn’t the most traditional way to start a birthday with, but at least he had to meet the people that mattered the most.

_‘You have to treat yourself for a meal as well. Something delicious and heartwarming.’_

Getting seaweed soup is a must on one’s birthday. Brian has no one to cook it for him, so he chooses to have lunch at a family restaurant he frequents. The owner recognizes him right away, and is happy to see him again. She asks him about the picky, tall guy he used to bring with him, to which he answers with a lie and a forced smile. When he tells her that it’s his birthday, she showers him with encouragements and gives an endless amount of rice and side dishes. 

Jae was right. Having a meal alone is not that bad. No one judges you for it, or pay you any attention. Brian enjoys the food and the atmosphere, regardless of his longing to have a certain special person at the other side of the table. 

_‘You definitely should get yourself a gift! Whether it’s something you wanted to buy for a while or something you’re buying on impulse.’_

Brian doesn’t have something in mind, but he still spends the afternoon shopping for a gift. What catches his eyes is a couple necklaces. One has an arrow shooting downwards, while the other holds a bow horizontally. They painfully reminds him of Jae, and their story. If he buys them both, it’s just a way to torture himself more. He’s even thinking of wearing them both. 

_‘And of course, the cake!’_

On his way home, he buys a small chocolate cake. A chuckle leaves his lips as he imagines what Jae’s reaction would be if he sees it. It dies somewhere in his throat when he remembers that Jae won’t be seeing it. 

His apartment is just as empty as he’s left it. It’s only darker now, as the night has fallen already. He washes first, getting into a more comfortable outfit. Midnight is still far away, but he’s tired, and he wishes for nothing more than to end this birthday of his. He places the cake on his dining table, and plants one single candle in it. He lights it, then sits down with a heavy sigh.

_‘Just wish yourself a happy birthday, silently wish for something and blow the candles.’_

“Happy birthday, Kang Brian,” he says, the words almost mocking him. His birthdays has been anything but happy, no matter how much he tried to pretend. Now, there’s only one thing left to do. He could’ve easily skipped the wishing part and went staring to blowing the candle, but there was a selfish wish he couldn’t ignore anymore, and would do anything for it to be granted. He closes his eyes and clasps his hands together. 

_‘I wish to see you one more time.’_

He pours his whole being, heart and soul in that wish, even though he knows that he’s wishing for the impossible. He doesn’t allow for himself to hope this time. A single tear slides down his cheek as he blows the candle away. He slowly opens his eyes, with a heavy heart, thinking about what to do afterwards. 

Brian is contemplating whether to stock the cake in the fridge for now, or cut himself a piece first, as his eyes adjust to the darkness of the room. His breath catches in his throat when he finally registers the sight in front of him. 

For a few seconds, he thinks that his eyes are playing a trick on him, that the despair and yearning have once more gotten out of control. But when he blinks repeatedly and the person sitting on the other chair does not disappear, Brian starts to think that his wish was really granted. For once.

_‘Jae-’_

“Happy birthday, Brian.”

_-TBC-_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (and that's why, ladies and gentlemen, soundproof doors where invented.. JK ^___^" )
> 
> One chapter to go Y'all !!!!! What kind of ending do you think it will be ?? Please tell me your thoughts in a comment =D  
> I will try my best with the ending chapter (I'm really bad with endings tho) so be patient with me and hang on there for a while!! 
> 
> Thank you for always supporting my work, please be happy, safe, and healthy <3 <3 <3
> 
> (My [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou) )


	17. The Colors of Your Love

White.

Everything is white.

Wether he looks to the front or back, left or right, up or down, all that he sees is the white. There’s no lines for where sides meet, as if they never meet, but they’re all still connected. It’s limitless, endless.

He’s tried searching for an exit, or at least an end, but it’s impossible for him to do so in his current state. His body is too heavy, too tired, and too limp to move. His wings are just a dead weight thrown over him, as he can’t even unfurl them, or at least fold them. They just lay over him like a heavy blanket, falling to the ground where he’s on his knees, has been for so long. There’s no energy flowing through his body, his limbs no more than dead logs, barely supporting his upper body and keeping it in an upright posture. 

He thinks that maybe if time passes, he’d be able to gather some energy to move from that spot, but no matter how still he stays, no matter how long he waits, his body remains as useless as ever. A part of his mind tells him that maybe if he sleeps it off, he’d wake up stronger, but after closing his eyes for so long without being able to doze off, he remembers that the concept of sleep is completely foreign to the body he’s currently in. And yet, weakness has never been part of this body’s biology. 

After a lot of struggle, he manages to pitifully crawl for a few steps, then he stops, body completely refusing to cooperate anymore. He does some calculations in his head. If every while he pushes his body to make the same distance, how much time it will take him to reach the imaginary goal he set for himself, and how long it will take for him to reach, or at least see, an end. 

He almost got a detailed plan in his head, when he realized that he’s missed the most important detail. In his state, and in this place, he has no conception of time. How long it has taken him to gather that much energy, how long it took him to drag his body that meaningless distance, how long he’s been here, he knows none of those. It can be hours, days, months, or even years. It can be just minutes or seconds. 

So this is what this punishment is about, he realizes. To be rendered useless, thrown in a timeless, endless, space of white. 

Too white. 

He’s lived his whole life in white. His wings, his outfit, his never-changing aura, and everything holy, it’s all white. But he doesn’t love white anymore. He despises his useless wings, he despises the responsibilities that comes with his outfit, he despises that he’s forbidden from having emotions, and he despises being a cupid. 

He hates white.

He closes his eyes, and tries to remember what colors were like. He imagines himself surrounded by colors, and tries to choose which one was his favorite, because it never crossed his mind to choose one before. Was it blue? Not the sky blue, but the blue of the sea, where he and Brian had played for an afternoon. Or was it yellow? Brian’s favorite hoodie was yellow, and it suited him so well, made him look like a big, fluffy kid. Then what about pink? That lovely color that dusted Brian’s high cheeks after every compliment. Oh and red, the color of Brian’s lips after a passionate kiss shared between them in the calm of his apartment. 

But brown is really special too. It’s the color of Brian’s brilliant eyes. Those eyes that held too much kindness, gentleness, depth, and love. Those eyes that reflected all of Brian’s feelings like a mirror, that made his heart like an open book to read. Those eyes that had filled with tears as he looked at him for one last time. 

Brian, the human that made him love and appreciate colors more, the human that made him experience all kind of colors, from the brightest to the darkest. Brian, the human that made him hate white, because white is what tore them apart. And the white surrounding him is supposed to wipe all the colors from his memory. This white, that already took everything from him, is going to rip all memories of Brian away from him. He won’t allow that to happen, at least not so soon. He’ll keep the colors engraved in his head and heart as long as he can. He’ll protect Brian with the last bits of his sanity. 

He was given the chance to avoid this white, but he’s rejected it. Does he regret it? Never. If time goes back, he’d still choose spending a few months with Brian, followed by an eternity of white and loneliness, over not having to experience the beauty of loving Brian and being loved by him just to keep his previous life. His one and only choice will always be Brian, and his only regret would be not spending enough time with him, and not showing him how much he loved him enough. 

The happy, colorful memories they’ve made together are what’s giving him enough strength to endure the lonely, unbearably white infinity he was thrown into. 

And he doesn’t want to forget. 

-

To say that Park Hyeji is furious at the moment, is a big understatement. 

“Cupid H03,” the other cupid monotonously says, his gaze indifferent, “you can’t keep doing this.”

Cupids are not supposed to use violence, but right now, she wishes she could at least slap him across the face, maybe then he’d listen to her. 

“Oh you know I can, as long as you keep denying me access,” she challenges back. He just gives her another bored look. To think that he’s way newer than her just adds to her fury. She tries to hold it in, nevertheless.

“There are more pressuring issues at the moment,” he repeats, for the hundredth time, as if he’ll make her understand this time, “yours has been already discussed and given its time. You can’t be this selfish.”

Did he just have the audacity to call her selfish? To hell with being calm! She slams her hand over his ivory white desk. The bang it causes is loud, but it does not echo in the open space around them. 

“I’m trying to fix a gravely made mistake right now,” she snaps, tone venomous. 

The cupid is obviously holding back from rolling his eyes, “Extreme punishment are not given hastily, and you know that. And most importantly, it’s not possible to inverse them. You’re just waisting your time here.”

She scoffs, “It’s not impossible, it has happened before, once. I checked it,” she states, confident. When he finally frowns in distaste, she smirks, satisfied. “It should’ve happened more, but it’s scary how the Elders never admit their mistakes.” 

The cupid purses his lips together, visibly fidgeting, “You were given the powers to alternate between both dimensions for a reason, stop using it for the wrong purpose,” he scolds, trying to change the focus of their discussion. 

Hyeji crosses her arms over her chest, glaring down at him, “This is exactly the purpose of my powers, or shall I remind you that Cupid J159 was my responsibility?” 

Only that she gets in response is an annoyed sigh. He’s now refusing to even acknowledge her presence. “Are you letting me in or not?” She demands one last time, her patience running thin.

Without lifting his eyes from the surface oo the table, he nonchalantly says, “You’ll have to wait for another time-”

“Oh cut the crap!” She finally snaps, being totally done with his never changing response. He’s been telling her the same thing for weeks now. 

Hyeji has kept silence for so long. She’s watched Jae going through hell, standing in front of a crossroad with two equally awful outcomes. She’s believed that she couldn’t do anything to change his destiny, and stuck to just being a bystander. But after he was gone, the guilt refused to let her at peace. So, she’s went once more through his records, not in search of something in particular, but in hopes of finally convincing herself that there’s nothing she could’ve done. 

What she ended up finding, though, is a small loophole, and the details that seemed irrelevant at first, suddenly became a silver of hope.

It took her some time to fully go through everything. For once, she could use her authority to freely study the records and collect as much proofs as possible. Dowoon had a lot to say as well. But her demand for another trial kept being rejected over and over again, the gatekeeper blocking her access, even though she usually could meet the Elders without asking for permission. It’s as if they knew what she wanted and didn’t want to listen to her. They seemed to underestimate her stubbornness. She could do this for years.

However, Brian has unexpectedly found out about Jae’s punishment, increasing her urgency to bring justice to Jae’s name. She just couldn’t bear seeing him like that. It was not supposed to end like this. They both didn’t deserve this ending. 

The other cupid takes some time to react, taken aback by her outburst. Hyeji uses that opportunity to calm herself a little bit. She then puts on her evilest smile and tells him, “It’s okay if you don’t let me in. I’ll just forward this directly to the Supreme Court.”

He rudely scoffs, “What exactly are you going to tell them? You’ll be only waisting their time and yours, that if they agree to let you in.”

That only makes her smirk, “I have enough evidence to prove that the Elders have inflicted pain on a human. This ain’t a threat or empty words,” she emphasizes, words loud and clear. “Believe me, it will better if they’re the ones to take it to the Extreme Court, it will tarnish their credibility less, don’t you think so?” 

The gatekeeper looks like he’s finally considering letting her in. He should be, unless he’s really unaware of the seriousness of their situation. After a long moment of silent thinking, he allows her to meet one of the Elders, with a gritted _‘be quick’._

With her smug smirk, she apparates inside of one of the judgement spaces. She’s familiar with all of the Elders, and she’s glad the one she’s currently standing in front is one of the most understanding. 

“I was told you’ve been causing trouble,” the old cupid speaks before she gets the chance to politely greet him, “It’s unlike you to invest this much effort over a finished deal.”

“It’s not finished!” She objects, just a tad loud but not disrespectful, “There has been a mistake.”

The Elder fixes her with a hard look, almost offended at the accusation, “I believe that we’ve been quite generous with Cupid J159. Despite his obvious rule breaking, we have given him a chance to fix his mistakes. As for his final punishment, we have dutifully followed the rules. I highly doubt there’s a cupid who ignores the consequences of dating a human, and he did what he did while being totally aware of it. There was absolutely nothing that we could do for him.”

“It’s true that you’ve given Ja- Cupid J159 his chance, but the human is the one that ended up hurt in the aftermath.” 

She gets an unconvinced raise of eyebrow in return, “The human was given his chance as well. The objective of the mission was obvious, and successfully fulfilled. He was shot with a true love arrow, wasn’t he?”

“He was.”

“Then what happened afterwards does not concern us,” he doesn’t say the words lightly, like he’s just glad he doesn’t have to worry about that part, but lets them carry the heavy weight of reality. The rules are not supposed to be kind. 

“Of course it does not,” she agrees right away, knowing the importance of that statement, “but you’re forgetting our main purpose.” 

The Elder gives her a curious look, so she further interprets it for him, “We are descendants of Angels, and an Angel’s purpose is to protect and care for humans. Angels, and Cupids by consequence, should never hurt a human.” 

He frowns in concern rather than anger, “Are you implying that we hurt the human?”

Hyeji nods, “You could’ve punished Cupid J159 for not shooting that arrow from the very beginning, and that human would’ve spent the rest of his life as a loner and he would’ve been content with just that. But the moment you’ve given Cupid J159 that mission, you held yourself accountable for the happiness of Kang Brian. If the person he’s fallen for was a human, your responsibility would’ve ended just there, but since it was a cupid -and Cupid J159 out of everyone- it made you more responsible, because your decision -that punishment- is what made that relationship possible in the first place. That means that when you’ve banished Cupid J159, you intentionally hurt Brian, gravely.”

The Elder has been listening to her patiently, with a focused frown. After she finishes, he purses his lips in contemplation, before he speaks, “I understand your point of view, but this is not as simple as you’re making it sound. There’s a lot of aspects and perspectives to this story, and it’s not up to me or you to decide whether giving him the Extreme Punishment was a mistake or not. There’s no scale to weight things out, and there are rules. I’d help you forward this to the Supreme Court, but there isn’t a strong enough reason to make it worth their attention.”

“I understand,” she nods. Maybe it’s time to bring out her last card. “But what if I tell you that Cupid J159 and Kang Brian were soulmates?” 

The Elder’s face pales instantly, turning as white as his hair, “What?”

_Bingo!_

-

“Cupid J159.”

His eternity of white is suddenly interrupted by a grave voice, calling a name so foreign to his ears. 

_‘That’s not my name’_ , he wants to tell whoever is calling, _‘My name is Park Jaehyung, call me by that name!’_ He wants to shout to them, but his tongue refuses to move. The disconnection between his brain and body has been getting worse, that he’s long since stopped trying to move. 

“Cupid J159, can you hear me?” The voice calls one more. It doesn’t sound so muffled, as if his ears are covered, or there’s something like glass separating him from the voice’s owner. 

Slowly, he lifts his head just enough to see who has been calling. The movement, no matter how small it is, still requires all of his strength and focus. The first thing he registers is that he’s no longer in the same space as before. He’s still surrounded by white from all angles, but this one is different. It’s less suffocating, less open. 

He then realizes that there are more than one cupid in front of him. There’s a long white table, with about ten, very old cupids, all looking at him with stony eyes. It’s another trial, he thinks. But weren’t they done with him? The final verdict was given all that time back, what is he doing here? Was there another rule he broke and they forgot to judge him for? But didn’t they already give him the highest level of punishment? Or all that pain was not enough? He highly doubts he has anything left for them to take.

“You’ve been summoned here because of the particularity of your case. The members of the Supreme Court has gone through it multiple times, doing a thorough investigation for every detail, and a lot of exceptional happenings came to our attention. We will be asking you a few questions, and you should answer clearly so that we can confirm each of our findings.”

He doesn’t nod, but another cupid is already talking, not giving him enough time to absorb the situation.

“First, as mentioned by your advisor, Cupid H03, on the day of the accident, you were able to see the death aura surrounding the human Kang Brian, is that true?”

Fueled just by the mention of the name, Jae nods without difficulty, certain and firm. And suddenly, there’s energy flowing through his body, as if he’s slowly getting recharged, still, it wasn’t enough for him to start moving freely. His body needed some time, but the cupids seemed to be in a rush, or they just didn’t want to wait.

They kept asking him questions, about all the particularities that had happened between him and Brian -the accident, the arrows, Brian’s dreams that were not dreams, their auras, and more. And he kept answering, even if it’s only by moving his head, whether to shake it or nod. Some of the questions were directed to Hyeji, that he’s registered has been sitting to his side the whole time but he didn’t have the energy to turn to glance at her. He was glad that she was there, nevertheless, as she kept mentioning a lot of details that he couldn’t manage to tell, as he couldn’t talk yet. 

Jae has no idea as why this trial is being held, or where it’s going, but he’s willing to cooperate. He has nothing more to lose anymore. He’s lost everything already. 

“I have to admit that your case here is very curious,” the cupid sitting in the middle says after the long questioning. “If you were able to see the aura of death, that means that Kang Brian was not supposed to die on that day. His destiny was to be saved by you. A rule was broken when you touched him -that’s true, but at east ten more were followed. As descendants of Angels, our innate duty is to serve humans, and you did just that by saving him on that day.”

Jae blinks at him cluelessly, all words flying over his head, his mind too slow to even process them. A cupid sitting at the far left clears her throat, catching his attention. She smiles faintly at him, then starts her slowly explanation of whatever is happening.

“To put it more clearly, Destiny wanted you to meet Kang Brian from the very beginning, that’s why he could see you even before you have turned into your human form.” 

Destiny? Well Destiny was cruel to them from the very beginning. What was the point of bringing them together just to tear them apart just like that?

“However, this is not unheard of. Destiny has made a lot of cupids and humans meet before. What makes your case more unique is that Destiny wanted you to fall in love with each other. You getting shot by a True Love arrow was not a mistake. It was something bound to happen, no matter what. And your auras,” she pauses, as if searching for the easiest way to explain it to him. He’s thankful for the effort, even if his brain is refusing to work at the moment. 

“It is not easy for humans’ auras to melt together, let alone a human’s and a cupid’s. Do you realize the meaning of this?” She slowly questions, her patience with him never wavering.

Jae shakes his head. Honestly, he’s never been as confused in his entire life. 

She nods her head with another understanding smile. It kind of makes him hopeful, but then he remembers that hope is lethal. It has deceived him too many times already, and he’s sworn to not fall in its trap ever again.

“It means that you and that human are meant to be.”

There’s too much delight in her tone, that it only further confuses him. When he gives her another helpless look, the cupid by her side interferes, literally spelling it out for him, “Soulmates is the technical word for it.”

_’Soulmates’_ , the word echoes inside of his head, paralyzing whatever little thinking ability he still has. _’Soulmates’_ , a word that should fill him with warmth and happiness, but brings him nothing but sorrow and grief. What’s the use of such revelation when it’s too late, when they can never be together? It’s like they’re rubbing salt in an open, profusely bleeding wound. It’s burning, it’s painful, and it’s going to leave a nasty scar. 

Another cupid speaks then, “Both punishments you have received were just and fair, in accord to the rules you have broken. However, the repercussions of giving you the Extreme Punishment were miscalculated. No one has expected that the human would end up sharing the burden of it with you.” 

_‘Enough!’_ , Jae wants to scream, wants to cover his ears. He doesn’t want to hear any more of this. He doesn’t want to know how much Brian is hurting because of him. He doesn’t want to imagine it. He wants Brian to remain as a happy memory in his mind. Or are they going to deny him even that? 

Going against his wish, someone keeps talking, and he can’t mute the sound, “Knowing that you are his soulmate, we can’t be the reason behind your separation anymore. That’s why, the court has decided to reconsider your punishment.”

Jae has lost track of who’s talking at the moment. He only sees mouthes move and hears voices reaching his ears. He sees and hears, but nothing feels real anymore. Maybe hallucinations were part of his punishment.

“Using the authority given to us as members of the Supreme Court, we deem the previous ruling invalid, and we will decide on a new one.”

“Having taking everything into consideration, the court has decided to spare you of your duties as a cupid, in exchange of fulfilling your duties as Kang Brian’s soulmate. You will completely turn into a human, both in form and nature, definitely. You would never be able to regain your position as a cupid.”

If Jae’s brain was well functioning, he would’ve said _‘good riddance’_ without hesitation. Fortunately, it has more important things to focus on, like trying to differentiate reality from delusion. The only thing convincing him that this may be actually happening, is that he’d never imagine a similar thing happening, not even in his wildest dreams. Even his subconsciousness is not this hopeful. 

“But be aware, after you turn into a human, Cupids’ rules won’t apply on you anymore, but if you willingly break your bond with your soulmate, Destiny would punish you, since it’s what brought you both together.” 

Jae nods soullessly, frozen in his spot and it certainly is not due to his lack of energy. He feels a hand on his shoulder, so he half turns to the side. Hyeji’s happy grin greets him, and it only further adds to his incomprehension. 

“Jae,” she grins at him, obviously overjoyed about something. He almost cries at the call of his human name, though. He’s missed dit. 

“You’re going back to Brian.” 

And that’s when it clicked, when his mind finally absorbed the situation, and- _God please let this be true!_

If this is truly just his imagination, or part of his punishment, then he doesn’t know how he’ll handle the disappointment. The weakness and the infinite white suddenly sound more merciful. 

“He’s waiting for you,” Hyeji tells him again, her gaze softening, “Brian has been waiting for you.”

Jae hates how he gives in to his desires and the hope, he hates how he smiles back and grabs her arm desperately, “Take me to him,” he pleads, his voice finally working, albeit weak.

Behind him, he hears three knocks on the wood, so he closes his eyes, bracing himself for the worst. 

The world around him swirls and shifts, like he’s falling backwards, and when it steadies back, there’s no one by his side. He takes in a shuddered breath before opening his eyes, dreadful. It’s dark. He’s surrounded by darkness this time. His heart almost drops into a pitiless hole if not for the scent that takes over his senses. 

_Brian’s scent._

Not finding any difficulty moving anymore, he lets his hand wander over the soft surface underneath him, and he registers that he’s currently sitting on the bed. It’s the same spot he was at when they took him away. The realization could’ve been biter if not for the surge of excitement and happiness that overtakes his body. He bolts out of the bed, bare feet running over the cold tiles. Despite the complete darkness, he easily finds his way out fo the room and into the living room. He’s too out of it to consider turning on the lights. 

The lamp is the only source of light in the large space, but it’s enough to guide him. His eyes dart around the room almost maniacally, in search of the owner of the apartment. He finally finds him, sitting to the dining table, a small cake in front of him with a single candle on it. A flying thought tells him that today is Brian’s birthday. How long has it been then? Just a few months, or more than a year? How many birthdays did he celebrate like this? There will be time for these questions later, he hopes as he dismisses them.

Jae’s heart leaps in his chest, for how much he’s missed him. And this can’t be an illusion, because that’s Brian, right there, in his coziest sweater, his eyes closed as he’s making his birthday wish. Jae silently walks closer, not being able to stand the distance anymore, but not wanting to startle the other, as well. Brian is too absorbed in his wish-making, that he doesn’t hear him sitting on the vacant chair. Jae does everything in his power not to reach and wipe away that single tear that’s sliding down Brian’s cheek. He’ll wait until he’s seen him, first.

The words of the cupid replays in his mind, making him finally understand the meaning of Brian sharing the burdens of the punishment with him. Jae was fooling himself when he’s thought that Brian would be okay after he’s gone. Brian looks anything but fine. Definitely not happy.

Brian blows the candle before slowly opening his eyes. One blink, then another, before his gaze lifts from the cake to Jae’s face. He keeps staring at Jae as if he’s just seen a ghost. The blinking and the staring continue for a while that it gets him concerned.

“Happy birthday, Brian.” Jae softly says, finally breaking the silence. He then waits for its effect to take place.

Nothing happens for a few seconds, but then, unexpectedly, Brian smiles at him. It’s sad and teary, but it’s a smile, nevertheless. 

“It seems that birthday wishes are more efficient than those of shooting stars,” he chuckles, but it’s dry and anything but humorous. “Or is this my gift because I did everything you’ve asked me to do on my birthday?” He asks, voice breaking at the end. 

A faraway memory resurfaces in Jae’s mind, and his eyes well with tears instantly, his heart squeezing and contracting painfully in his chest. Not only Brian remembered, but he also followed that nonsense plan of his. 

_Drip. Drip._ A tear falls to the surface of the table, followed by another, and another. “I- I miss you.” 

The words are barely a whisper, brutally interrupted by a sob, but Jae hears them clearly. It kills him how Brian doesn’t believe that this is a reality, just like he did in the beginning. It’s like he’s used to seeing illusions of Jae, and that only makes it the more concerning. Brian was supposed to move on. 

Brian’s eyes follow him closely as he stands up, and walks towards him. Jae then crouches down, almost kneeling on the ground. Even while looking down at him, with just a few inches between them, Brian doesn’t seem to believe that he’s real, yet. 

Slowly, Jae’s hands reach for Brain’s that are in his lap, and rest over them. Brian inhales sharply, his eyes widening, the touch making him finally realize how real this is. It’s making Jae realize how real this is as well. He’s missed Brian’s touches so, so much, words would never be enough.

“Brian,” he misses calling his name like this as well, “I’m home.” 

That’s what Brian always says when he comes back from work, and Jae would consider their parting a day spent at work. No matter how long it has been, whether a few months, a year, or even more, he’s just glad that he’s back to Brian. _His home._

Brian shakes his head in denial, his tears unstoppable, endless, “Jae- Jae is gone. They took him away. They punished him because of me. Why are you tormenting me like this?”

Jae’s breath catches in his throat. Brian is not supposed to know about the punishment, Hyeji has promised. Ensuring that Brian won’t live in self-blame was one of the few things that made his departure easier. How doe he know? Who’s told him? Why is that everything he didn’t want to happen has happened? 

An endless list of what ifs fills his mind. If the Extreme Court didn’t reconsider his punishment, if they didn’t send him back to Brian, what would’ve happened to Brian? 

He carefully hold Brian’s hands and brings them closer to his face. “I’m here, Brian. I’m really here.” 

The other almost pulls his hands back, if not for Jae’s firm grasp on them. “I’m sorry for making you wait, but I’m back.” He kisses the back of each hand, letting his tears fall over them. “I’m sorry for making you suffer on your own.”

Brian shakes his head again, “I’m the one who made you suffer. I’m sorry.” He apologizes, weakly, “If I knew, I wouldn’t have confessed. I would’ve swallowed my feelings and let you be, but I was selfish-”

Jae puts a finger over his lips, preventing him from saying any additional word. “Never be sorry for what you did.” He firmly says. “Your love is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and your love is what has saved me.”

There’s uncertainty in Brian’s gaze. He stays still for a few seconds, contemplating the situation, before he asks, hesitant, “Are you-” he pauses, fear holding him back. He wets his lips before trying again, “Are you really back?”

Jae grins, then nods fervently, “I’m back. And I’m not leaving again, I promise.”

What he’s expected to make the other happy, only causes a dark shadow to take over Brian’s face, his hands tensing. “You promised, back then too,” he retreats his hands, placing them back in his lap. They curl into fists, “but it was a lie.”

His heart falls to the pit of his stomach, just like his smile. “I lied,” he confirms, voice laced with guilt. He doesn’t regret it though, because he’s done it to protect Brian from the pain, and he likes to believe that it did, even for a short time. 

“But this time, it’s the truth. This time, I’m really staying, and I’m never leaving your side again.” He promises, pouring all of his genuineness in that statement, hoping that Brian would believe him, at least this time. 

Brian’s eyes frantically search his face for any lie, any hint of insincerity. He takes more time than needed, but that’s understandable. This is too much to take in. Jae watches as he slowly, and steadily, processes the situation, then accepts it. Even in the darkness, he can see how Brian’s eyes regain their usual, lovely glint. His lips then stretches into a smile, that keeps widening and widening-

“Oomf!” Jae exclaims as he’s suddenly tackled to the ground in a desperate, tight hug. He hugs back with as much force, cradling Brian’s head in his chest. 

“I miss you so, so much,” he tells him, barely holding back from another tearful fit. 

“You said it, right! Don’t you dare ever leave my side, ever again!” Brian orders, playful, yet dead serious, “Even if they try to take you away from me, I won’t allow it. I’ll latch on you like this so they won’t have a choice but to take us both.” 

A laugh breaks out of Jae’s chest. It’s been so long since he’s laughed this feely and lightly. It’s been so long since he’s felt this alive. “I told you, they’ve only sent me back because of you.” 

Brian lifts his head to look at him, confused, “Because of me?”

Jae brushes the other’s bangs to the side as he nods. He then leans down to peck his lips, tenderly. “It turns out that you’re my soulmate. Can you believe it?” 

There’s a moment wherein Brian freezes, but then he chuckles in disbelief, “Soulmate? Are you serious?” 

Jae shrugs, “Well, that’s what they’ve said. And Ancient Cupids don’t lie.” He states, as a matter of fact. 

They share a silly look before they both burst into a fit of laughter, Brian’s whole body vibrating against his. 

“I don’t care how cheesy this is, as long as I get to love you without consequences, freely, that’s all I want,” Jae admits, once they’ve calmed down a little. 

The arms around his waist pulls him closer, as if there was any distance left between them to begin with. Gentle, Brian drops a small kiss on his forehead, then another on his nose. His grin melts into a fond, soft smile.

“Love of my life, my other half, or soulmate,” he says, voice low, as if he wants this moment to be shared between just him and Jae, “I don’t think that there would ever be a label that could rightfully measure how much I love you.”

And Jae melts right there and then. There’s just too many raw emotions conveyed in those words, expressed in those shining brown eyes with the same intensity. He feels like combusting with how much he’s feeling at the moment. Love, longing, freedom, warmth, euphoria, are just a few of the things filling his whole being. Just like Brian has said, words would never be enough to describe how he feels for the other, or around him. So he sticks to the classic way. 

“I love you,” he whispers against his lips, before he catches them in a proper, deep kiss. And even then, he can still feel Brian’s unwavering smile. It makes him smile as well. 

Their uncomfortable position on the floor prevents them from kissing for too long, so Brian stands up first, then helps Jae to get on his feet. That’s when Jae notices the chocolate cake, and he feels his mouth water. He’s about to bring up cutting the cake, when Brian suddenly exclaims, something at the side catching his attention.

“Oh!” He points at the window, “It’s snowing!” 

Before Jae could properly react, the other drags him to the balcony, running. They’re both underdressed for stepping outside in such weather, but neither of them seem care -at least for now, just give them a minute and they’ll run back inside freezing.

The snow is just like Jae has imagined it to be. It’s fluffy and cold, and melts instantly against the palm of his hand. The sight of it softly flying around is still as beautiful and magical, maybe even more now that he got to watch it with Brian wrapped around him.

That year, Jae got to witness the first snow with Brian. And it was a first of so many to come.

**EPILOGUE**

“Brian hyung! Thank God you’re here!” A desperate looking Dowoon calls for Brian as soon as he enters the bakery. The inside is filled to the brim with customers, and all the other staff are busy handling orders. 

The Cupid Bakery, something Hyeji has invested a lot of money in, and is fortunately, making a lot of money in return. It’s not usually this packed, but today marks the bakery’s second year anniversary, and the special products and discounts they’re offering are really hard to ignore, especially since they’re really popular for the deliciousness of their confections.

“Do you need help?” 

Brian has came right after work, ready to offer his help in case its needed. It obviously is. It’s usually just Dowoon, the bakery’s manager, at the cash register, while a part-timer handles the customers’ orders. Today, a lot of the Cupid Café’s employees are here to help. Wonpil is currently at the register instead of his boyfriend, while the latter is looking around frantically, studying the items in display, and giving orders here and there. Even Sungjin is here as well, Brian has just seen him rushing to the kitchen with an empty tray.

“Please!” Dowoon exclaims, after ordering for someone to get the chocolate cookies. He barely looks at Brian as he tells him, “Can you go check what’s delaying the red velvet cupcakes? Jae hyung said he’d finish decorating them in five, but that was fifteen minutes ago,” he sighs heavily, finally sparing him a glance, “Just make sure he’s not ruining them, will you?.”

Brian almost rolls his eyes at how dramatic Dowoon has sounded. What he’s meant by _‘ruin’,_ is just _‘being creative’_ for Jae. Even Brian has to admit that some of Jae’s designs are unique, in a very objective, unbiased way. But again, his designs are what made the bakery stand out, in the first place. 

After officially becoming human, Jae has spent a lot of time at home dying with boredom, after failing at an awful lot of part time jobs. Some day, he’s decided to take his obsession with sweet confections to another level, and gave baking a shot. Surprisingly, he’s less of a hazard while managing dough and frosting, and after a lot of successful experiments in Brian’s kitchen, he’s decided to go professional. The lessons did pay off, and Hyeji has personally asked him to be Jaebum’s assistant for the new bakery. 

Well, it’s completely out of Brian’s understanding how those two have managed to work together in the same kitchen without one killing the other -obviously, it would be Jaebum killing Jae- but he’s glad that Jae is finally doing something that he enjoys and is good at. He’s very proud of his boyfriend, to say the least.

On his way to the kitchen, Brian comes across Jaebum, who looks like he’s just run a marathon with how much he’s sweating. He stops to look at Brian, then shakes his head, almost helpless, “Please do something about your boyfriend. He’s being weird again.” 

Brian braces himself for the worst, but what he finds is Jae sitting in his usual post, silently staring at the perfectly frosted cupcakes in front of him. He seems to be so deep in thoughts, totally mindless of the hustle happening around him.

“Jae babe,” he walks to him, trying to be as gentle as possible. His boyfriend turns around startled. He’s frowning but it quickly morphs into a mile. Brian kisses the crown of his head, “What are you doing?” 

Jae turns to the cupcakes with a sigh, “Don’t you think there’s something missing?” 

After studying them, Brian can’t think of anything wrong with them. Instead, he wonders how amidst all the mess, his boyfriend has managed to decorate them so beautifully. Different designs of flowers and roses, in both white and red frostings. Those with simpler designs, have bits of the red velvet cake sprinkled over them, while others have heart shaped strawberries on top, or just white pearls. The whole batch together looks so elegant that it would be a crime to eat them.

“They’re perfect, believe me,” he reassures him, but Jae rolls his eyes, unconvinced.

“You say that about all the designs I come up with, even the ones that I, myself, found very questionable.”

Brian chuckles, amused, “Is that what I get for being supportive?” 

His boyfriend shakes his head with a smile, “No. You get to eat a lot of weird looking, but delicious stuff.”

He shrugs, “Well, I totally agree with the weird looking part.” 

Brian jumps back, barely dodging the attack that comes his way, as Jae grabs a rolling pin from the nearby counter and tries to smack him with it. 

“Just come take these out, before Dowoon fires me,” he puts the weapon away, then gestures for him to come closer, so he complies. Jae then plants a quick kiss to his cheek, “Thanks for the encouragement, and the help.” 

He grins at him, mischievously, “I’m not doing it for free, though.” 

The other scoffs, “Of course you’re not. I swear to God if it’s another wardrobe sacrifice-”

“Is this really the time to discuss that?” Sungjin interrupts their conversation, looking so done with them, like he always does. It must be Jaebum rubbing on him. 

“Bedrooms are there for a reason!” He snappily points out, making Brian flush in embarrassment. 

“That is not what this is about!” He tries to defend himself, looking helplessly at Jae for help. The traitor, however, has already moved to check on the ovens, leaving him to get scolded all by himself. 

Sungjin just rolls his eyes, “I don’t care! Get your ass moving, people are waiting for those cupcakes!” He orders, as if he’s the boss. 

Dejected, Brian lifts the tray and walks outside, mumbling, “you don’t even work there,” for Sungjin to hear him. 

Hopefully, the busy day soon comes to an end, with everything holding out. Last year, they had a chance to celebrate by themselves after closing time, but this year, it’s unlikely to happen. They’re all too exhausted to consider anything apart from going home and resting. Jae, in particular, has been in a worse state than all of them. 

“Here, drink this,” Brian hands him the very familiar pill and a glass of water. His lover glares at the meds for a few seconds, but still takes it and swallows it with a disgusted grimace. 

“Ugh I hate this!” He complains, slipping further under the covers. 

Brian was not going to let him go to sleep that easily. He gives him a scrutinizing look, “Just admit it, how much sweets did you eat these last two days?” 

Jae’s eyes widen like a dear caught in headlights. He then grins sheepishly, “Only a little bit more than usual?” 

Brian is truthfully happy that Jae is doing something that he likes, but he would’ve loved it more if it came with less sugar. While Jaebum and Dowoon have been doing a great job at preventing him from just eating everything is display, they can’t babysit him all the time, and Jae’s weakness for freshly baked goods and anything with chocolate always end up winning. Brian is then left to take care of a whining Jae. 

He groans, “That’s it! I’m taking you to the dentist tomorrow!” 

Jae nothing but panic at the threat. Dentists have to be his most resentful enemies in this world, just after spicy food, and what a questionable ranking that is. 

“No no no! I’m truly fine. This pain is nothing, really.”

He tries to fool him, but Brian can already see the beginning of a swollen cheek. Hopefully, the painkiller will be enough for tonight. Otherwise, another trip to the emergency room will be needed. Last time this has happened, it was because of a stupid purchase Jae has made online. A small chocolate fountain. Who on earth buys a chocolate fountain just for their own use? To say that Brian was surprised when he came back to find the item sitting gracefully on their kitchen counter would be an understatement. 

It’s at days like those that he most appreciates his nine-to-five job. It has been the only constant and boring thing in his life, ever since Jae has barged into it. It kind of balances the rollercoaster his days has became because of his lover. Who said that turning into a plain human would make Jae less unpredictable? He’ll certainly never cease to surprise Brian. 

Anyways, Jae has promised to use the chocolate fountain moderately, but ‘moderately’ according to his standards was still too excessive, and one day, he has ended up with an unbearable toothache at an ungodly early hour. Their trip to the emergency room was a nightmare, to say the least, and Brian has gotten rid of the chocolate fountain as soon as they came back. Jae has been banned form online shopping ever since. 

“Sleep for now, and we’ll see in the morning,” Brian sternly orders, slipping in bed after turning off the lights.

Jae automatically shifts closer to him, rapping his arms around his torso. He’s currently pouting, but Brian has gotten better at resisting it. Just a little bit.

“Okay,” his lover gives in for now, voice already heavy with tiredness and sleep. Brian knows that there’s going to be a big fuss about it in the morning, but he’ll worry about it then, him too getting pulled in by sleep. 

Jae mumbles something against his chest, sounding very similar to a “Good night”. In return, Brian throws his arm around his lover, kissing the top of his head, “Good night to you too, sunshine.”

Brian no longer fears going to sleep, and Jae no longer fears the days passing by. Instead, they’ve both been enjoying every single day to the fullest, and when nighttime comes, they bid it goodbye, ready to greet another morning with content smiles and open hearts. Now that they have each other, they’ve stopped worrying about the past flying by, or about the pending future. They have no idea when the end will be, but they’ve long learned to live in and appreciate their present. 

For them, life is no longer a dreadful countdown, but a book waiting to be filled with memories of them, till the last page. 

_**-THE END-** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last sentence took me 30 minutes to write, believe it or not >w<  
> I know I suck with endings but I hope this was not too awful? I really, really tried!! (and i was really tempted to make it a sad ending, but then decided that you guys deserve better *___* )
> 
> Anyways, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OFFICIALLY ENDED!!! A journey of 6 months finally came to an end and it's all thanks to you guys that I was able to continue with it and finish it TTT__TTT  
> A BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU GUYS!!! thank you for being patient with me and staying around till the very end. Your support has really encouraged me to keep going and it means A LOT for me! you guys are truly the best <3 <3 <3
> 
> Your feedbacks, criticism, and questions are all welcomed here, or on my [twitter ](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou). you can rant as much as you want ;D
> 
> Again, I'm really grateful to all of you, and I wish you all the best in your lives. Wherever you are, be happy, be healthy, and be Safe. <3 <3

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was a start? hehe 
> 
> PS: Cupid 100 is our girl Park Jimin (the 100 doesn't have any signification, it's just easier to type lol), Cupid J159 = Jae's initial and birthday.   
> PSS: Go listen to TBOU: The demon YALL!!
> 
> Stay safe and healthy everybody <3 
> 
> [ Twitter ](https://twitter.com/Lady_Sou_sou)


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